[countrymusicgurl]

Hello,
I was just wondering if having some perfectionist type behaviors is a problem?

I am a perfectionist in some ways and in other ways I'm not so I'm rather confused.

But what I'm really confused about is weather or not perfectionism can become a problem....like a serious problem.

I hate things being messy it drives me crazy but I'm trying really hard not to clean up after anyone becuase that just means I'm caving into that but it is sooo difficult because my sister who I share a room wiht is not the cleanest person I've ever met and it drives me completly CRAZY!

My hair has to be perfect when I straighten it...when i'm doing it in the bathroom my sister will come in and be like your hair is striaght and I'll be like not its not shut up i'm' a perfectionist.

I also obsess over a lot of things like what i'm wearing my shoes that go with that outfit my makeup and the way my room looks, food and things in that nature.

I'm just not sure what to think or do.

Am I a perfectonist or am I just thinking i'm one.

And if I am a perfectionist is it a problem and if not can in become a problem?

Thanks for your time
CountryMusicGurl

[Doh2007]

It isn't a problem unless it makes you rigid and alienates other people. Usually perfectionists are the hardest on themselves. Do you allow yourself Grace? Can you forgive yourself when you make a mistake?

[Sabrina]

I agree that it shouldn't be a problem unless it becomes an obsession. I am fairly extreme in my perfectionism and it has been to the detriment of myself and embarrassment of others at times. Somehow I have learnt to control this over the years and I find it a little easier to "let things go" when my perfectionist nature screams out not to.

There is nothing wrong with being a perfectionist although as Doh said, we are often hardest on ourselves.

[(JD)]

Yes, perfectionism can kill you, if long-term it drives you as it appears it does you. Having to have things "just so" is founded in needing control and/or demanding parents/environment. It's one thing if you're a nuclear physicist at work, and another if your just making a bed. The stress you place upon yourself, with irrational expectations wears a body down.

It's important to learn how to let things be "good enough" as a real perfectionist will never attain her goal.

[nowheretorun]

i think its ok to try our hardest to improve.. we shouldnt expect perfection, but striving for higher understandings is fine and even good.. others recommended you know how to treat yourself kindly and forgive yourself for 'failings'... dont drive to hard on yourself, but try.... Kudos to you

[eskielover]

I can attest to being a perfectionist all my life & that is now 55 years. Don't know where it actually came from as my family wasn't that way very much...it was just that I always felt that I had to be the best at everything I did & had to do everything perfectly as that was the only way to do it. My school work had to be perfect, neat, always the A+ work.......C's (average wasn't good enough for me).

Of course, cleaning my room didn't have any priority, so it was messy.....I had things that my perfectionism applied to & things I didn't bother applying it to. Looking back, I realize that my attitude was that if I strive for perfection, at least if I didn't make it, it was going to be so much better than average that I would be fine with how things ended up. There were times when i would stay up days, finishing off projects including for my job after I graduated with my degree.

I realized over the years that if I really held to the perfect perfectionism, I would never achieve it, so I learned that I would set the standards of expectations at the beginning of a job that I would strive for......if during the time, I realized I was off or there was a better way of doing it, I would adapt........but I always would end up doing the job so much better than if I had only placed average standards on myself.

Things always came hard for me & I had to work twice as hard to accomplish what it seemed others could do with little effort. My husband was one of those people, however, he would approach tasks half-@$$ & it would turn out just that way as he didn't care. Honestly, I would rather work harder at something & have it turn out close to perfection because that is my goal, than to just get by with doing something half way.

Think I'll stick with my perfectionist attitued anyday & enjoy the fruits of my efforts that I am satisfied with rather than do a job & have it turn out that I am not satisfied & have to do it over just to make it ok or be satisfied with something of much lower quality.

The trick is keeping your perfectionism at a safe level so that you don't kill yourself with the drive for perfect, but can still be satisfied & do a much better job that if you didn't have any care about how things turn out.

Debbie

[(JD)]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Think I'll stick with my perfectionist attitued anyday & enjoy the fruits of my efforts that I am satisfied with rather than do a job & have it turn out that I am not satisfied & have to do it over just to make it ok or be satisfied with something of much lower quality.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

If you are all good with how you are, that's good! But, as an example Debbie, please don't mind, the above quoted info comes from the perfectionism. I know, I've been there.

Once I worked through the why of perfectionism, and how it applied to me, then I was able to realize how thinking that way and defending it was not good for me at all.

It is something to remember though, even if you decide not to change. It will affect your choices, and more importantly, your self respect (self-esteem.) How you view yourself, if you demand perfection,well, you will never be good enough.

to all.

[Rapunzel]

I'm a perfectionist, and it is immobilizing. On a bad day, I can't start on anything or get anything finished, because I'm too stressed about it never being good enough. It is a problem for me. When you are a perfectionist, it's hard to ever enjoy anything.

T asked if I was willing to change my ways and be less perfectionistic, and I said that I don't think I can, so she said it's my choice but if I choose perfectionism I don't get to complain anymore about the stress and anxiety that comes with it. I've told people the same thing myself, but I don't want it applied to me. But that is the choice we all have. If you choose perfectionism, you get to live with anxiety.

Also, fixating on getting a few things perfect does mean that other things don't get done as well, or at all. That can be a problem too, depending on what's not getting done.

[eskielover]

I feel fairly lucky as the level of perfectionism I have hasn't effected me negatively. I look at things I know that I can do anything.....I set about to do it. Once I start something, I evolve into the best way of getting it done the best possible way that I can do it.....which in everyone elses eyes is perfect.....I have high standards....those I will continue to keep, but they don't cause me anxiety at all......I have too many other things in life that I don't have control over that cause anxiety.....I wouldn't allow perfectionism to add to that.

It takes me longer to do things because I am slower & more precise in what I do....I refuse to throw together a sloppy job just to get something done......that in some minds is perfectionism.....I chose to see it as quality.....not quantity.....I choose high quality to lowering my standards....but it doesn't cause me anxiety......I just go with the flow & finish the job in the way I want it done & am satisfied with it.....thus causing me no anxiety.

I always get everything done......sometimes taking longer than it other think it should, but they think the quality is worth it in the end......I always get things accomplished....was the same way in my career & designing the engineering projects I worked on.....we always had dead lines.....sometimes I would have to work 72 hours a day (lol) to get it done on time, but it would always get done & running perfectly.......others would throw their work together & have nothing but problems afterwards.......I will still stick with my method....it's been working all these years without a problem or stress....not about to change now.

Debbie

[Angel_of_the_Past]

I have to agree with Sky. I am my own worst enemy.

[cantstopcrying]

I have a quote in my office and gave it to my daughter, and even though I know it, I have a hard time ending the perfectionism: Perfectionism is the highest form of self-abuse.

[altonwoodsdrphil]

I'm a perfectionist...I'm just really into letting God be perfect through me! I know I'll never ever be perfect by myself, and that used to frustrate me a lot! (pretty deep for a clown)