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#1
May 14, 2009, 03:04 PM
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I went to my preliminary mental evaluation a few days ago. During the interview the T asked if I had been mentally/verbally abused. I admitted that my mom was abusive but didn't mention anything about my husband because I'm just not sure how I feel about it. I've got a friend that says "yes, he emotionally abused you", but I just don't know if I should call it abuse. He took advantage of my trust by lying to me the whole time we were together, as I recently found out. Sometimes he would be really late coming home for one reason or another but never called to let me know he was okay, even though I told him a million times it scared the crap out of me. (I'm so very glad this is an anonymous site!) Several times he blamed me for his occasional erectile dysfunction -- he insisted I was the only woman he had ever had this problem with. What does everyone here think? Should I call it abuse or not??
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 " I don't wanna be the girl that has to fill the silence. The quiet scares me 'cause it screams the truth. Please don't tell me that we had that conversation, 'Cause I won't remember, save your breath 'cause what's the use? Aahh, the night is calling, and it whispers to me softly, "Come and play". Aahh, I am falling, and if I let myself go I'm the only one to blame. I'm safe, up high, nothing can touch me, but why do I feel this party's over? No pain, inside, you're like perfection, but how do I feel this good sober?" (From the song "Sober", by Pink)
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#2
May 14, 2009, 03:16 PM
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((knothead))
jmo... but I agree it is abuse. so many of us think it has to be "really bad" because we are so used to it that we accept, oh that's just the way he/she is in reality his attitude towards you--blaming you for his "problem"--and the other things you mentioned are demeaning to my way of thinking. Lying to you? It does not show respect for you...first by actually doing it, second by continuing to do it. jmo... Catherine
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The Most Dangerous Enemy Is The One In Your Head Telling You What You Do and Don't Deserve... |
 knothead
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#3
May 14, 2009, 04:04 PM
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Hello (((KH))). I feel KH that you may not feel that what you went through with your husband was emotional abuse (Totally), and may have doubts about whether his behaviour toward you was abusive at ALL. Your husbands behaviour did show disrespect towards you on many levels, emotionally and sexually, and Possibly if not more Probably found you feeling insecure not only regarding your relationship with your husband, but with whether or not you could trust him PERIOD. These type of feelings of confusion in validating yourself need to be addressed with your therapist, since you may not even know how to describe how you Really felt living with your husband. This is very common when you may have other self esteem issues that may confuse you in not knowing what is and isnt emotional abuse. You are Not Alone in feeling this way KH, and I hope you talk to your therapist about these issues, and let the therapist help you even though you may never truly see it as abuse, because it may still be causing you to make decisions or affecting your life in a negative manner where trust is involved. Take care (((KH))). PM anytime. Soidhonia
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| Catherine2, knothead
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#4
May 15, 2009, 09:27 AM
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Everyone needs to take responsibility for their behavior. Your husband needs to take responsibility for his lying and for his not taking responsibility for his own problems. He also wasn't respectful of your feelings but does he respect anyone's feelings? If you see his problems as being abusive to you, you run the risk of turning yourself into a victim. Yes, there are victims out there. They are the people who truly did not have any power at the time, this being from being a child or psychologically not realizing that they had power, or physically being overpowered. Turning yourself into one doesn't benefit you. Find your power, stand up for yourself, meet your needs and don't turn yourself into a victim...........
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Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
| knothead
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#5
May 15, 2009, 10:15 AM
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jmo...
Recognizing abuse in its many forms, working through the feelings attached to that discovery with a good therapist,then taking the steps to build up your self esteem is part of the healing process. Part of that may well be feeling victimized, and it's a walk from being a victim to being a survivor to being an overcomer. We have to start somewhere and work our way to a better understanding, it's not done by a giant leap...one step at a time, one day at a time. Every situation is different; most people struggling to improve or leave that situation is a victim until they find their courage and desire to leave it. It's not a choice at first; it's a yearning. That yearning itself is a forward movement out of victim hood... Acting on that yearning takes courage.
__________________
The Most Dangerous Enemy Is The One In Your Head Telling You What You Do and Don't Deserve... |
| knothead
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#6
May 15, 2009, 05:48 PM
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sounds like emotional abuse..
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| knothead
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#7
May 17, 2009, 08:30 PM
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I can absolutely relate to not knowing whether or not it's abuse....because of living it for so long. I spent many years making excuses for my husband's emotionally and mentally abusive behavior...and now the reality of it has smacked me in the face. Looking back, I can't believe I let him treat me that way for all those years - and why couldn't I see that it was abuse? It's just what I became used to...and even though I didn't like it, I guess I just accepted it.
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Don't follow the path that lies before you. Instead, veer from the path - and leave a trail... 
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| Catherine2, knothead
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