[wisewoman]

No, I do not wish to upset a soul. I do not wish ill on anyone here, or anywhere else for that matter. As a child I held the belief that the abuse/torture, was just a part of "my family" I believed that the rest of the world was more kind and loving and people were nice to eachother. I am a middle aged adult woman who can honestly say that I am shocked when I find people back-biting and being nasty. I have experienced this in my work life as of late and it astounds me. I ALWAYS believe that people are doing their best and that I can find a kernel in them to love. I don't assume that people are going to be mean and hurt me. Now I know that sounds skewed, I should believe the opposite. In a way I do, I am a very private person in my real life but I am honest and I aqm caring. So this whole post is about I am confused and disheartened by the cruelty I see around me. I don't live there. If a colleague has a melt down I don't judge it, I support them. If they share frustration I lesten and want them to feel valued. I want to feel valued. I can't begin to understand the dynamics here at P.C., there are so many. It's like I never figured out my birth family either. My mind just doesn't work like that. I truly can find something to care about in almost anyone and give them a piece of my heart. I am scared and confused and I am crawling back under my covers.

i understand, WW.......i've posted very little recently and mostly in selected forums, where i think it is quieter. if i post somewhere else, it's just a supportive post or to answer a question. there seems to be a sort of power struggle going on and i'm standing back to wait, i guess, for the dirt to settle...i'm PMing a lot and i've put several on ignore. that does make it better but i hope it gets to the point where i won't have anyone on ignore...xoxo pat ps. how is your family?????

[wisewoman]

My life is hard right now Pat. Everyone needs me and it's scarey with the health probs. I am barely holding on. I am so distracted. So much. Pat, I HAVE to believe in the best of people. Otherwise I should have died a long time ago. People need to be basically good and loving. If I find this isn't so then I will not be able to live in this world.

[Kathyanita]

pardon my intrusion
IT IS SO! imo we are all more alike than different and you are mostly loving so. . .

[wisewoman]

Thanks KathyAnita

i totally understand...i isolate myself because of my feelings about "the world".......i'm so sorry that you're having to do so much right now. i know how hard it can be to have to take care of a lot of problems all at once. i wish i lived nearby and i would come help you. i'd even read to you and bring you some sour cream cookies. i really wish i could help. xoxo pat

[wisewoman]

Hanging on is all. I can try it more.

[oksomaybeimnuts]

(((((((((Wisewoman)))))))))))) I share your beliefs that all people are basically good and should be loved. i try to approach every situation with empathy and support. every person in this world has value and deserves to be treated with kindness and respect. i am sending you my love and prayers and hope that your situation improves soon. glad that you are hanging on.

[nothemama8]

ww, always believe, thats what makes you so special to us
Angie

sometimes hanging on is all we have. glad you are doing that and I'm clawing my way along in life right beside you.

gently and kindly,

[wisewoman]

Thank you for the kindnesses everyone. I would like to try and explain a little more. I know that thee are people who do bad things, see it all of the time. But in my life, the people I chose to be with, coming here, I choose to believe that we are good, trying our hardest and I want to be loving and respectful. I am really not trying to explain as much as understand. I get overwhelmed, I am now. I would like to believe that every one of us would stop and pick up the dropped book or baby bootie and return it with warmth and a smile. No, I am not thinking black and white. I just must beleive that life is suffering for all of us but that we can make it better by our small actions. We each have power. Here, much of that power is in kindness. Like the offer to be closeer and help carry the load right now. Thank you. I know that is heart felt. You can come play mommy, mechanic, housekeeper, nurse any time you all want. Thanks for letting me try and understand this all better.

[Fuzzybear]

I understand too (((((((((((((((((ww)))))))))))))))))

WW, i really wish that i lived close enough to you that i could help out. i totally understand what you're saying about the good in people. when i see someone do something untoward, it bothers me so much more if i'm having a lot of stress in my life....i know exactly about "picking up the booty" with a smile. i chased a pickup of kids the other day, they threw their drink cups out the windows, and lectured them to go back and get those cups. i felt so much better when they did that....and with respectfullness.....i know how order, kindness, beauty, love and peace makes us feel better. i wish it for you a thousandfold.....love, pat

[wisewoman]

Yeah guys, your getting it and therefore I am understanding it better. Thanks for allowing me a place to say it outload and get validated. Now, I really need a few clones or a half dozen more friends close by to pick up some of the slack. Except guess what. My friend's son comes and cleans for me sometimes. Last time he came I told him before hand that he should not because my hubby had no income and I wouldn't know when I could pay him. He's 22 and a good kid, wants to be supportive etc. Well, he cleaned and I owed him $20.00. He said he knew I would pay him when I could. And then today he showed up and cleaned with his girlfriend and it made hubby feel so good. There is good. Had to go to a training about 55 miles from here and got to have a colleague follow me back so I could show her a quicker, nicer route. Little things it is. I have to believe in the basic goodness in us all and our mutual desire to be cared for and supported, respected. I can disagree with people, did it with another colleague this afternoon but we respect eachother and I know she is doing what she feels is best so all I can do is give my input and respect her decision. This is really helping me a lot you all. Thank you.

it can be a little thing..what is important is that we celebrate it..like the kindness you showed the friend by leading her home through a nicer route...my little army officer that lives next door started my lawnmower for me Monday night. those kinds of things...xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxopat

[wisewoman]

My "lawn" is over a foot high as the youngest broke both riding mowers going too fast. My hubby had a tantrum as the puter not letting him send an email. I didn't run down to help s he shut off the machine. My friends are coming to fix the belt on one mower and look at the other. I really am sad now. Money worries, the fact that I just want to be left alone worries, children's health worries. Don't like when hubby is angry with me but I just didn't feel like running downstairs again. That and the fact that I used to enjoy computers and programing and hard ware and now I want to throw the whole mess out the window. I decided, unbeknownst to my family, to try to sell off their older lap tops as we desperately need money during this time. i don't think they will kill me. I am a hurting pup, behind on work and feeling like a great flub. Worried about money and kids. Hey, we have food to eat, the wonderful little grocer lets me charge and I usually pay him every week or so, not now. We have internet and a nice bed and great pets and HEALTH. I am simply caught off guard by the seriousness of Hubbie's condition and the recovery time. I know it will be okay. So we are going to get the hay field mowed. My friends have been so very dear. I know that they are there for me. I should not complain. I just feel a need for comfort is all. I want to be held and rocked and forget I am this big adult with too much responsibility. I have friends who can fix my lawn mowers!!!!!!!!!! Sorry guys, I am self-centered. Did I say earlier that son has kidney, urilogical issues? Daughter having hormone (serious) issues, and the other daughter's boy friend's family thinks it is fine for her to spend the night at his house or in a motel with the family. Ummm, NO, she is 17 and she needs to sleep at home. I am just in a bad space is all. Hope it will change. Maybe I can figure out that cloning thing huh?

[wi_fighter]

(((((((((((((((((wisewoman)))))))))))))))

[wisewoman]

Thanks Wi, how can I feel those hugs up close right now?

[wi_fighter]

I don't know oh wise one. Try and imagine those lawnmower fixers as giving you a hug. It might not seem like one, but it's just a different kind.

Stay strong, you've made it this far.

[wisewoman]

I really want to thank you all for being here with me and being tender. It means the world to me. Today is windy and the house is quiet. Youngest just woke up at 12:30. Calm, soothing day. I wish you all peaceful days filled with love and the warmth of human compassion.