Having flashbacks

I found a therapist finally!

But now the hard part is starting. Last night I wrote out all of the abuse and traumatic stuff I have been through. It had more of an effect on me than I thought it would. I've been experiencing flashbacks sporadically all day. My mood keeps getting more and more depressed..it's like I'm finally admitting to myself that stuff really happened. And then I start to get really angry because I shouldn't have had to go through that and I don't understand how my mother can just go on living without a shred of remorse for the things she did. Then I start getting really sad again cuz I did have to go thru all of that and she didn't protect me. Dammit, I'm sitting here at work tearing up. My coworkers are probably thinking I'm nuts. I thought about taking the day off but I don't want to let what happened to me in the past keep me from living in the here and now.

Does anybody have any advice on how to deal with the flashbacks? It's like one memory just keeps leading to another and it's really hurting.

These are for anxiety but many are the same for dealing with flashbacks.
http://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/tr...ng-techniques/

i agree with Omers,, there are skills to minimize the trauma, but basically you just have to tolerate exposure until the shock goes away~ take good care of yourself,,, eat after therapy, and nap if you can, it's exhausting,, best wishes~ Gus

Thank you for the replies. This is turning out to be harder than I thought but in the end it will be worth it.

The most important thing...
Breathe your way through it! deep breathing.

I'm trying..I can't stop crying. I didn't know remembering this stuff it was going to hurt this much.

And I don't understand why I feel so scared. I don't even know what it is that is making me feel this way. I'm a grown woman now, I was a child when they did that to me. She is in another state and barely contacts me as it is. I haven't seen her father since I was 13 and there is no way he can contact or have anything to do with me. But I feel so afraid of them still and I don't know why. I hate them so much for doing what they did to me and having these memories and feeling the way I do right now. I know hate is a strong word and it's wrong to have hate for anybody but I'm so confused and don't know what to think. I feel so scared and alone.

WATC, maybe you are doing too much work too fast? Have you stopped writing? Maybe it is time for distraction now? Very good of you to want to tackle this, though. Can you contact your therapist?

You are most likely feeling the way that you are now because by focusing on all of this right now you brought back the feelings that you had during these times in the past. You are a grown woman now but the feelings that you are bringing back are from a child who wasn't equipped to handle what she had to handle (and even an adult would struggle but it is harder for a child).

To do this past work you need to be ready with a plan that you have worked out with your therapist. Your therapist can help you with all of this.

Can you ground yourself in the present right now and try to put a lid on the past? Some people visualize a box that they put all of the past thoughts into and then they put on the lid. Grounding yourself in today is focusing on your surrounding. Look at the colors around you, listen to the sounds, etc. What can you do to keep yourself busy and remind yourself that it is today and not the past? Going through the past is important but you need to go slow and prepare yourself with the help of your therapist.

Yes, I did stop writing and I do think I was doing too much too soon without realizing it. The grounding techniques are helping immensely. When coming into work this morning, I started having those thoughts again and instead of thinking of the memories, I started looking at colors of objects instead and would think of Queen songs. At one point that wasn't working so I did as you said, Sannah and imagined putting everything in a box and told myself I would come back to it later. All these years, I kept minimizing everything I have been through. Writing down and reading it all has been the first time I really acknowledged the abuse and realized that I did actually go through that. I'm now realizing it wasn't all in my head. I feel good for doing that and feel like I'm no longer lying to myself. I'm very ready to deal with this now but realize this is a slow process and I can't jump into it head on.

Actually, I am really impressed with your enthusiasm to jump into therapy. You will do well! I'm so glad that the grounding is working!

wearthechampoins -

you are really not alone in this. I am realizing this now too. I am so sorry for you and i understand you. I understand you so well. I don`t know....what keeps me going is the knowledge that i am going ot heal and be complete - WITH the pain......

great that you are using grounding techniques and they help you. keep it up.

dear (((wearethechampions))),

actually, i am very impressed that you are able to back off enough to see what direction you need to go in, such as slowing down etc. amazing.

i am only starting on my journey of healing. it is very painful. i've dealt with meltdowns for many years but never knew that it was a reaction to the hell i wanted to never face again. it wasn't time to face things within. so i kept them hidden way deep, thus the mini-explosions when things would try to come out. but now it's time to heal and am learning so much here at PC and my new pdoc about how to do that. so now i allow the tears, they wash away the pain. i allow the fear, for on the other side is peace. i allow the memories, but very slowly and very cautiously, for on the other side is healing. and i want that more than anything. the abusers will NOT win.

one thing that i think is that a child's brain is not fully formed and only knows how to react and so the pain gets internalized in the learning process of life and the fear too. then as an adult when we start to look at things, the child's mind with all the fear and the memories of the abuse take hold and are too strong sometimes to deal with, even with the adult mind that knows that the abuse is over now. and a child has virtually no defenses and is unable to fight back. i believe this also causes the adult to still be afraid of the abusers, even tho the adult body is grown, strong and able to fight back.

im working with a wonderful pdoc now who is also an abuse survivor and she stresses the deep breathing, relaxation to stop the muscles from tensing up tight as a drum, and to help calm the fear, and to try (if it is d.i.d.) to allow those within to be heard and so ultimately become as one. this may not apply, it is just my own words i am speaking. and it takes time. you are so wise to go slowly. i hear you and understand.

please be gentle with yourself and know you are a wonderful person who didn't deserve this to happen to you. and your words say how very brave you are. thank you so much for sharing. you are not alone anymore.