Struggling

"I believe I have the right to meet my needs if it does not interfere with meeting the needs of those around me."

I am sorry that you feel that your needs always have to come second. I hope that one day you can work on this and learn that everyone's needs need to be balanced and that sometimes your needs need to come first.

Do you have a hard time not pleasing people? "Yes."

I hope that one day you can work on this too.

"The er dr also said tho he believes she is becoming addicted to the tylenol 3 with codeine."

I am sorry. I hope that you all are able to work through this so that she can get her needs met.

" I think he wanted praise. I also think he likes me to feel indebted to him."

Sounds like this is something that you 2 need to work through. Sounds like you both struggle to get your needs met.

Yes, I hope that you can get some help somehow silent. Thinking of you.........

you have the right to meet your needs the same as everyone else, do they care if them meeting their needs impacts on you??? no! so do not worry about others, you need to meet your own needs first inorder to be able to meet other peoples.
i guess you have at some point been trained firstaid, what were you tought about helping others??? you have to make sure you are safe first and only help if it does not put you in danger, and why?? because you will only end up being another casualty if you endanger yourself too! this is for a good reason, because you cant help others if you yourself get injured. take heed it is good advice. WELL DONE for having a nap, you should do it more often, schedule it in as top up time, you need to top up your energy just like you schedule in food during the day to top up your dietry needs.
codeine is addictive, so the doc has a point, she could be becoming addicted to it, there are other products she can be given which do not contain codeine. in Uk they tend to swap your meds around every so often to prevent addiction, so talk to her doctor, maybe that could help her. Until she has seen the neurologist it is hard to advise on what to let her get away with, just stick to your decision and let her know what you say is final. if your parener goes over your head then next time she asks you send her to her father, he will soon get fed up of always having to make the decisions surrounding her and change his pospective! actually thats not a bad idea, that way he is the one who will look bad in her eyes not you!!!
how old is your daughter?
ok so your husband did some cleaning yippeee!!!! it is ok to thank him or even tell him he did a good job, it won't hurt and shows him you appreciate his help. as for being indebited to him, make a point of showing him the fresh pile of clothes you just ironed or the newly made bed, or the lesson plan you come up with for sunday school each week or the xxx number of bags of shopping you just bought to feed your family with.....you certainly are not in debt to him just because he did a tiny fraction of the cleaning.
You are, (like i was), doing the job of three women, you are not superhuman, or an octopus (though i often think others thought i was). you are one women, it is ok to get the children to do tasks, in fact it is proven that children who do tasks regularly at home become more practicle and self sufficient as adults. ok so their standards are not the same as yours, sometimes you just have to compromise, ok if they do a really slap dash job of something it is only right they do it again until it is to your standard. have you thought of encouraging them to 'earn' their pocket money? it not only helps to share the chores out but teaches them the harder they work the more they have to spend, a good life lesson. if they don't do a reasonably decent job of something they dont get paid until it is done better...if they really try their hardest then a bonous can be given, just like a 'proper' job the money involved does not have to be much, i used this with my nanny kids, they got 10p for making their own bed, so if they did it each day at the end of the week they got 70p, hovering (for the older ones) earned them 50p, clearing the yard would get 50p, tidying their room would be 50p(not every day, the big tidy includingdusting!) puting away toys earned 10p taking the dog for a walk earded 20p so you see it is easy to get lots done realy cheaply(in fact for the same as you probably give them for doing nothing now!) it is amazing how willing to help they become once they realise there is money to be made!!! if your children are young reinforce that the money they 'earned' is for them to spend on things for themselves, eg candy, toys..etc older ones will suss this out themselves, but do not insist they save their earned money or all the hard work will be seen as having been done for nothing. it takes a long time for the understanding to develop enough to truly understand that your money is still there but you cant spend it, or that the more you put in the bank the bigger thing you can buy later. leftover money can be banked or saved if the child is of an age to understand where it has gone!
when i was young my mum would tell my stepfather who didnt work that we needed xy and z from the local shop, and the washing up needed doing, he would say ok no problem, once the door was shut he would make me do all the chores, i never go paid, when mum came back she would praise him for doing the chores, he would say thats ok it was nothing really, or it didnt take me long, never once did he say that infact he had not moved his but from the sofa all day or that i had done the chores. to this day i do not resent my mum forhaving left the chores in the first place, i do however resent my stepfather for taking the credit!!!! sometimes what your children see is different from what you think they see. yours see you work really hard, struggle to hold down a very difficult job (and teaching SEN children is extremely difficult i know, i did it for a while!), hold the family together, and support you partner in his job too, i wonder how they see him, really, not how you perceive they see him but how they really in their minds see him! you may not know for years to come, but i bet they will come back at some point in the future and say he did not give you the support he should have!
ok enough of my waffling!!!!!
well done again for taking a nap you deserved the nap and the praise from me for doing it as i know it is hard for you to put you first xxx

I really appreciate all the support. I wish I felt as strong as it seems you see me. I am at work right now...on my lunch...and I rarely feel the need to do personal things at work yet right now I wonder how will I get thru the day, how will I make it back tomorrow? My brain is going a hundred miles an hour. I feel I keep losing time. I am crying.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

You need some help.........

try to focus and just think about the task in hand. your job , once it is over then think about the other stuffxxxx
i was told once to tryt and imagine a row of packing boxes in your brain, lable each one, in your case, work, home, sundayschool, kids, partner, .... then sort out your thoughts into the right box, just as if you were filing your bills. then close each box, store them in the darkest area of your brain, only allow yourself to open one at a time, right now it would be your work box that is open, all thoughts that are not work related you have to keep in thier box, if they come out put them back telling youself that you will deal with it when you next open that box, until then it is safe and not important. it sounds crazy but it really helps you focus on one thing at a time

do u think i am that bad?

I think that you need some relief..........

((((((((((((((silent whisper)))))))))))))))))))

Daughter stayed home again today. Have call in to neurosurgeon who is trying to get her into neurologist quickly. Right now earliest appt is on the 26th. It will be between $220 and $300 and we have no insurance and I do not get paid til the end of this month as I do not get paid for winter break. I do not see how we are going to do it.

it is really hard when you are struggling for cash, i know, i had to sell my jewelry, and my late partner's collectables when i had no income for 12 months and still had a mortgage and bills to pay!! I had no one to help me out so had the choice of sell belingings or lose my home!!
maybe a yard sale or (i'm not sure if they do car boot sales around your area) may boost your income, especially if you make it known the proceeds are going towards your daughters medical bill.
maybe ebaying some of the things your family nolonger want could be a less public way too.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((big hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I wonder if the sense of struggling will only end if I give up.

Don't give up! Breathe, slow deep breaths. Come back to us and tell us your struggles, share your burdens, we are listening and understand.

Rest well

Do you really think that you have no choices or hope?

giving up ís an option, but it is the easy way out, you are not a quitter i can see that from your posts, your situation will get easier to cope with, you just have to stay strong, let everyone around you know that you are struggling at the moment, maybe talk to your boss at work, see if they can arrange for you to have a few days sick leave, afterall a few days off now will prevent months off if you become too unwell to carry on and explain to your partner that the reason you have taken some time off work is because he is putting too much on to you,expecting you to run the home, are for the children, earn a wage and run a sunday school! maybe a realisation that the ammount he expects of you will result in less finance into the home will make him a bit more understanding! Be strong with your husband, do it for yourself , tell him you can not carry on running the sunday school whilst your daughter is ill, she needs you more than the children at sundayschool and that if he insists you continue, you will not help out at all with both his home and church requirements!
You need to find the inner strength that you do have and use it to right the balance you need between looking after yourself, your needs and those of your family. you married your partner, not his job!!!! would you be planning lessons for criminals if he were a policeman or jail warden???? no so why should you have to because he is a pastor?? you still are you, a lady, a mum, a human being with rights to partake in activities which you choose, not to be dictated to all the time and made to do things which are detrimental to your health or wellbeing. the choice should not be to give in or not but which way to turn around your life to make it better for yourself.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((good luck))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

i have choices but they lead to more of the same...i take steps forward yet they wrap around...abuse just changes forms but the results are the same...it is all about needless expectations

do not give in to needless expectations, if you do only things that give you pleasure, others will soon stop expecting you to fulfil their expectations and willstart to do things themselves instead of relying on you to do it all.

Yes, you are chosing to respond to these expectations. Healing involves stopping automatic responses to our patterns. You were shaped by what happened to you in the past and you continue to respond the same way until you become aware and change your responses.

crying...talked to mom today...brought back so many feelings...has many inside riled up

Was it good talking to your mom or not so good?

take a deep breath, let it out slowly the reassure those inside you hear them and will look after them. time to take 'me time' take a long hot candle lit soak in the bath, lay there and let each inside one tell you why they feel as they do, take each one individually, listen and reassure that one before asking the next. if you can give a solution all the better, if you can't then promise to try to find a solution, then stick to your promises. once your inners realise you are listening, acknowledging and trying to help them they should settle back down to being happy again.

It really was not good or bad...it just was. Yet the sound of her voice, the feelings she evokes, have those inside more active. Today there was alot of roaring inside but now that I am home, I have promised them some time. ty all for caring.

Today I wish to know that things will be ok.