Why can't she admit it!?

I emailed my mother 2 weeks ago about how badly she emotionally and psychologically abused me and my brother, I was just so anger that I finally told her how much I hated her, she just denied it all and told me to F*** Off,
who in the F***ing hell does she think she is.:#

All those years she lied to me, and controlled me and she denies it all, she was worst to my brother, and me but not my sister, she's just like her.
All those years she humiliated me, attacking and almost killing my will to express myself, how badly she ruined my childhood, and she denies it all.

why can't she just admit it, she calls the people and me lying bastards, even with all the proof in the world she can't admit.

Hi there,

If I may be so blunt - if the only thing she did was to tell you to "F" off consider yourself lucky. Your upbringing sounds eerily all too familiar. Have you thought perhaps of the possibility that your mother has some very serious personality disorders? Narcissistic personality disorder comes to mind for one...there are many others but I am the survivor of chronically ill narcissistic Father who all but destroyed me and my family.

I might suggest you do some reading on this if you just do a goggle search you will come up with a multitude of excellent info out there. I found it best not to try and read those things that was suggested but to do the research on my own and read what resonated with me and my situation.

If this is the case for you as it was for me - putting the pieces together will be a lifetime process and it will not happen overnight for sure. I don't know if you are currently in therapy but that would be of great help to you at this point to work through some of the anger issues you have.

The anger is very difficult to get rid of - my suggestion is to just feel it. Let it out it. It may take spending a lot of time alone, by yourself, to really get in touch with what has caused those intense feelings and why. You will waste time and energy trying to hold those who hurt you accountable. It's time to start working on "damage control"

Best of Luck

J

Growing up, my parents had a lot of problems and I got the brunt of a lot of just ...bizarre kinds of emotional cruelty from them, and just a basic lack of care. The specifics aren't important, but later when I got older and my parents got older and changed and maybe somehow got healthier they both apologized for the way they treated me as a kid.

I thought that was what I had always wanted, but when it happened it was just kind of empty and deflating. Basically, their acknowledgement that it wasn't okay doesn't change what it was, what happened, and how I developed as a result of my childhood experiences.

I understand the need for the acknowledgement, I had that really bad too. But I think what's smarter and better for you is to focus on you. You know what happened and who you are and only you can bring yourself happiness.

Something may be wrong with you mom, as voidofcourse suggested and that doesn't make it any different for us emotionally a lot of times, but we have to accept it logically in order to move on...

I've been told that she has Bi-polar disorder, well and I think it was from her childhood, her mother treated her as badly she treated me so it may be possible that situation is the case but....
I don't know.

Very odd.....I just came back from the store. I've spent a limited amount of time around my father in the last three years when my mother was dying. Guess who I saw at the store just now? Dear ol daddio.

I have to say from my own experience, they never admit their wrong doing or the cruelty to say nothing of the damage it created. They truly do not realize the pain they have caused. I wanted so much to go and hug him and kiss him and tell him how much I loved him...but it doesn't mean anything to him. To him - I'm the wrong doer. My Father has absolutely no appropriate boundaries within relationships. It's intolerable. His behavior after all these years is still repulsively toxic.

Perhaps your Mother will change in time - but all I can say is any Mother that can tell her child to F off and God knows what else...in my opinion, has serious emotional problems. And yes most likely she inherited her issues from her parents...

but it has to stop somewhere so why not with you since you have been able to cut through all the b.s.? You see the truth of it and recognize it for what it is. So take a stand dear and get YOU healthy!!

You learn to deal with the pain and the anger - it doesn't go away but you learn to adapt and as I said, when I saw my dad today I just broke down and cried like an infant (once I got to my car). I love him he's my father, but he has lived his life and the lives of many others...including mine for many many years....

I want to live my own life good, bad, indifferent or ugly...

All the best to you my dear. Nothing is wrong with having hope that she will change - just don't waste anymore time waiting around for it to happen. A harsh reality perhaps, but one you will most likely have to come to terms with on your own and in your own time.

J

Yup, sounds familiar. Anyone who is sick enough to really do some really bad parenting is sick enough to not do the right thing ever. You can heal anyway...........

My father was physically abusive and still can't own up to the way he treated my family. Some people just don't change and it's not our place to make them change. Nothing I say to my father is magically going to make him believe that he was giving his wife and children anything that, is his mind, they didn't deserve. With time maybe she'll come to her own conclusions based on the fact that she lost her children when they grew up. Maybe it might occur to her that she treated them badly. It's only a maybe though.