Triggered

I was triggered on Sunday by a conversation that came up with my parents and some friends. I was feeling blah before the conversation but I crashed and just felt horribly depressed afterward. I've slept most of yesterday and most of today. I am fighting the urge to SI and am trying to talk myself down.

I feel stupid that this triggered me. I try to tell myself I'm okay with the past and have moved on. I'm just lying to myself and am tired of life and fighting myself every single day.

You are better than your self injury. You deserve a life free of pain and full of love. Listen to your favorite song or watch something fun like rupauls drag race. Every second you don't donit you get stronger. YOU ARE STRONG, YOU CAN DO IT. Please pm me if you need me, ok?

YOU ARE PERFECT WHOLE AND CONPLETE, JUST THE WAY YOU ARE. Realize that and remember how wonderful you are. You don't need to hurt, just try 5 minutes, 5 minutes ofntrying, and if that doesn't work than go ahead and donut. But just try, please.

Sorry I am typing so quickly on my iPad I'll get to my computer so I am not making so many mistakes

Triggers are the real deal. People who get triggered aren't stupid, they are normal. If you had something happen to you that is triggering you are going to get triggered if you have never processed it.

Are you in therapy?

Yes I am. We haven't worked much on the SA issues. And I have zero support from my family or husband with it because my parents and the abuser said I was lying. The thought of talking about it makes me feel sick.

What does your therapist think about addressing the SA?

how are you feeling today?

She wants to work on my negative thoughts first and reducing my anxiety and stabilizing the depression first.

When I was in treatment for bulimia the T I saw asked me for details about the SA. I cannot do that again. I don't want to go into detail about any of it. Is this what's holding me back from moving forward? Can you work on the SA issues without discussing the details?

I'm not sure. I've had two crying sessions already and it's only 1230p. All I want to do is climb into bed and sleep. I had to bring my daughter to school because it's her last day before spring break, and both kids have a dentist appt at 2p, then my T appt at 6p.

I debate bringing my ambien and giving it to T because I am fighting the urge to take a handful and wash it down with vodka. I feel like I'm losing my mind and I feel so guilty that my kids have to have a mom like me.

I'm a "let's get to the real issues" kind of person. I'm for going to the source of the problem. But, if a person isn't stable, they can't do the trauma work until they are stable.