Is It my fault I didn't tell sooner

I was sexually abused from the age of 16-19. I was living with this couple since I was 14. Like I said it started at 16. Today I feel like I should have told someone sooner than I did. Any idea's why I didn't.
I have flashbacks all the time. No one has ever told me how to deal with them when I have a flashback. Any idea's Thanks for listening. Sometimes I just have to vent.

Hi there frances and welcome.

I took your reponse to another thread and started you a new one so that you can be welcomed and get the support that you need.

I'm so sorry to read your story of abuse. I would highly suggest to continue reaching out for support and understanding as you did here. Also, a good talk therapist can help you to analyze, deal with, and hopefully place this.

Keep talking. I look forward to reading more from you soon.

Again, welcome

KD

I don't blame you for not telling sooner. It's a real hard thing to tell people about. I know the first time I was sexually assaulted I never told...not until the second time I was sexually assaulted.

I'm still trying to figure out how to deal with all the flashbacks myself, so I won't be much help there. Just try to tell yourself that it's not happening now.

Hang in there.

i read your post hours ago and i couldn't stop thinking about it. you said you should have told someone sooner, and asked for ideas why you didnt. i can't answer that for you, only tell you why i didn't. i was so ashamed and angry and torn to pieces. i still am. i couldn't handle the idea of anyone knowing. part of it was the fear that i would somehow be blamed, questioned, accused. i kept hearing it in my head like a broken record, "Why you?" and "what were you doing there?" and "what were you wearing?" and i kept trying to figure out what i did wrong and I lived in fear of someone saying to me, "this is what you should have done, and it happened because you didn't". As time passed my reasons changed. i didn't want people to look at me and see only that. i told so few people and with the exception of my husband, i deeply regretted doing so. i had this awful feeling that every time they looked at me they knew and it left me so ashamed, and even worse, alone. have a new doc now, and i know that i need to just get it out because its eating me up inside, consuming me.
you're brave for speaking up, no matter how long you waited, and don't ever blame yourself for staying silent. i'm sure you had your reasons, and i know one day you'll understand them.
Flashbacks are frightening and i wish i could tell you how to deal with them but i haven't found a fool proof solution. I have them whenever someone tries to touch me, or if someone grabs me or takes me by surprise. Sometimes they're triggered by the most mundane things and i know i couldn't have possibly anticipated having one. The hardest thing is convincing yourself that youre safe and for me i try to ground myself. i focus on my surroundings and will myself to be there and sometimes that works. There are times that i panic and just want to run or hide or crawl inside myself. i hope that you can find someone to talk to about what you're going through. Group can be really helpful. i tried it years ago and somehow listening to how others healed gave me the hope that i would. just know that poeple are here to listen whenever you need to vent.

I agree with greenfairy that why you didn't is a very personal reason, most likely.

I've told my mental health workers about my childhood sexual abuse, but only my husband knows out of my family. I also feel I would be somehow blamed, questioned excessively. I don't think I've worked through it enough to be able to talk about it openly, yet.

I can understand why you kept it hidden, many of us do. Only you know when you are ready...trust yourself. =)