Validation

Why do I want or need it? I know what is real. It took me years to say the words outloud. Suddenly I need to have these people closer to the family validate. Not good. Any suggestions?

i know its important to have that validation and i'm sorry you feel as though youre not getting it. maybe you need to sit down with the people you feel are aware of what happened and talk about it. if not having that confirmation is making it difficult for you to live your life and feel right about things, then dont stop searching. i've learned to live with the fact that i cant get my mother to say sorry, to acknowledge her role in what happened to me, but i would never tell anyone else to just live with that. you have to do whats right for you and what you know you can live with.
wishing you hugs and luck with your efforts.

Greenfairy, you know I really don't expect her to validate my experience at all. What happened is very complicated as I have figured out why I called her etc. It has tripped an old cord of pain, being blamed, I am crazy, everyone else is okay. So for many years I had no words to describe, couldn't say the words. And now for many years the words are said, and it was shocking to have her invalidate the words that have come to be second nature for me to use, at least some of them. It is very complicated but I just realized why I called her and it has a lot to do with missing my dear friend Jane who nurtured me. It had to do with not wanting to be someone who blames my life on the past etc. Thanks for the help.

Validation (being validated) is part of the HEALING PROCESS...................... and we all NEED it.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

Feeling very unreal and sorry for myself. Not fun.

So often I talk about the fact that I feel like I am an outsider in my life looking into it like it is a movie in current motion.
It is a very strange issue to discuss with those who don't understand. But, you said you feel UNREAL so I think you kind of go through what I go through.
I also need a lot of validating. I want to be counted. I want to be noticed.
(((Wisewoman)))
I notice you. I hear your cry. I feel your pain.

Twisted soul, I too want to be counted and noticed. It is not going to come from her as the MOST benign thing she did was neglect me. Yes I feel unreal. T told me I referred to the mother as "my mother" the other day and that it was a good thing!!!! Aghast, how can that be good? Horror of horrors, I came from that place? I am not like her! Amazing that I felt this work was mostly done and I have fallen back in. I want my friend Jane back because I believe her and what she says. She is gone now. I need to hear those words. If only in my mind. Thanks twisted. I want to tell you that as I wrote twisted I envisioned the game twister which can be very funny at times. Sometimes being twisted is a good thing ehh? Take care.

Wisewoman, sometimes twisted is not all that bad. Sometimes it just means "healing in process" Twisting from the dark to the light perhaps.
I had the craziest thought today about my very own mother. She never nurtured me, she still doesn't. And today, I thought HMM, I am going to nurture her. I am not going to let her treat me badly. I will show her what true love and compassion on.
I will be working on this new revelation.
I took notice of you dear Wisewoman. I may not be able to reach out and physically touch you....but You are REAL to me and I care about you!

I like the way you think. it is taking the energy that has harmed you and turning itaround into something beautiful and loving. Please keep me posted. i think if you can pull it off it's a great idea. Me, she repulses me to vomit. Maybe what you are saying is where I need to put some energy? Wow, what a switch in thoughts.

Like I said, my revelation came today while I was in the KMart parking lot of all places. Nothing really was going on except the thought just came to my head.
In a way, it was like I don't have to worry about making her happy anymore. I will never be who she wants me to be but Hell, that's life.
I will be kind, compassionate and nurturing to her so that she can feel what I have longed for all my life.
I will for sure keep you posted on this new "outlook".
Perhaps here the "twisted" is reversing roles between a mother and a daughter??????

Twisted and all. I did, am doing a variant of what twisted suggested which is imagining good things for the mother. For her to feel loved, safe, appreciated. For her to have peace. After so many years not being able to even think of her without fear. If I think positively then it gives my soul freedom. I can be positive and have that energy that will feed me to be healthier. Hatred costs soul money. I hope this makes sense.