What to do about rape?

After two years of counselling (with three different therapists, including a specialist rape counsellor), I've realised that it isn't going to help me fix the rapes. I suspect that because all my trauma is "in my body" -- it hardly affects me mentally at all, just makes me disturbed by my body -- that any kind of talk therapy or language-based treatment is not going to help. Does anybody have any ideas what else I could try?

Therapy for rape can take a long time, you need to stick with it.

I know it is really, really hard but try to stick with it. If you feel you arent making progress, speak with your T. If it is too hard to talk about, try to write everything down SOC and make a copy for your T. Honey, it took me over 20 years to even be able to say the word. It is a hideous crime as it takes away so much from us. I understand.

I felt my security, trust, goodness, well-being, self esteem and boundaries were stolen from me...emotionally, physically, and socially. I also blamed myself for ages and stopped trusting myself to make wise decisions and good choices. I also felt as if somehow my body was broken ... that inside I was just charred black. Sad but true...the stress took such a toll on me that 10 years after the incident, I was admitted to the ER from an ulcer attack i was only in my late 20s / early 30s.

The specialist came in to speak with me after the endoscopy and was terrific and had a great sense of humor. He told me that my stomach looked like the surface of the moon and asked what I could possibly be so worried about at my age :embarrassed:

He took a biopsy and asked me if I wanted to see it...i reluctantly said "yes" thinking it would be a piece of black that was pulled from inside of me. It was pink and pretty actually (i am sorry if that sounds disgusting).

I was shocked! I couldnt believe it came from me! I even told him that. He didnt know why I was crying. I never told him the real reason.

I do understand and I can relate...you are not alone. It takes time to recover. And as I learned from my friends and family that were totally unsupportive, even longer to find your footing again.
But it does get better. Things wont be the same, but it does get better. Please feel free to PM me anytime. I am here and I get it

Hugs to you,
R

Thanks for your kind words
It's just . . . I really, truly know that therapy is going to help. I've been in therapy for over ten years of my (admittedly short) life (not all for the rapes, but yeah), and it hasn't ever really helped. I find that I can never even *explain* (as in, find the right words) the problem to the therapist in a way that makes them understand it correctly -- never mind work to find a solution.
Just . . . what else can I try? Body work? Surgery? Hypnosis? I don't know.

((((Fish)))) can you draw a picture or create a piece of art or even find a work of art online depicting what you envision?

I dont know when was the last time you saw a trauma specialist...things have changed quite a bit for the better.

Your thoughts and feelings about surgery, hypnosis etc make sense to me, as well. Would you consider though giving it one more try with art?

Hug, R

I'm seeing a trauma specialist now . . . it's not doing anything. Every session is a fight.

Can you tell me more about the art?

Sure there are several forms of art that we can draw from to help express ourselves: paintings, sculpture, photography, drawings. It helps so much when trying to express ourselves when the words just aren't "there". Through our art, we are able to use symbols and metaphors which will help our T get a true visual of what we are trying to express typically with our words.

For instance, we try to express ourselves through journaling ... words are very powerful...bringing a pic of a famous work of art -Or not even well-known -that resonates with us (such as "old man in sorrow" van gogh), we can literally show our T how we are feeling.

We can put together a collage, too. Posterboard, glue, scissors, a bunch of images and single words clipped from magazines ... we can put together a visual representation of how we feel we look or appear to ourselves... I can write that i feel charred black inside but if I bring a photo of a devastated burn area after a major wildfire to my T, it helps even more. Or for example bring two or three pieces of art...how you felt before the incident and after.

It helps also when out T asks "what does it look like to..."

It can be extraordinarily therapeutic

I hope this was helpful.

One time, I went to therapy with a jumper I had knit. It was really nice - cachemire, an intricate pattern - and then I frogged it (tore it back apart) because I got frustrated. It felt like frogging the jumper was the same as being raped, like being raped "undid" me so that I have to be knit all back together again. Does that make sense?

Yes. It makes perfect sense.

Have you tried meditation?
how about yoga?

I don't believe that therapy is for everyone, but not meaning it's NOT for you.... just that it might not be, is all.

Looking waaay back, for me, I wish someone would have advised me about the tension the body holds and how daunting it can be for the whole self.
The body is now so tense from being as such since 3 years old-- it's work to relax but I'm told there are benefits ---
as a relaxed body will help to relax the mind.

hope you find some healing path that is best for you--
whatever it includes.

fins

((((fins)))) that is a fantastic suggestion...there are so many wonderful benefits of yoga.

I do do yoga already, and I meditate sometimes but it often exacerbates psychosis Thanks for the suggestions. I'm a bit worried about how I'll get by over the next few weeks -- I've just had four stitches in my heel after an accident, and I'm not meant to do any physical activity

Fins, do you do any particular kind/school of yoga? I'm curious to know -- I do the mainstream "fitness" yoga because it's difficult (and expensive) to find anything else in my area, but I'd be willing to try something less exercise-focussed if I knew where to look.

PS: I wholly enjoy your fish-themed name

My therapist is trained in dance movement and SE(somatic healing on the body level).
You may need to find someone who works with clients on a body-based level.

Oooh, thank you very much! I had never heard of these things before

I had a really bad night . . . but I figured out what I want to be when I'm healed. I want to be able to say I'm a virgin and not have it be a lie. Is that really weird? I'm asexual and wanted to stay celibate my whole life, but I didn't get the chance.

I rang the Samaritans last night because I had a panic attack, and the guy I happened to speak to was horrible. Like, he told me that I was being "silly" for putting so much value on virginity, he accused me of enjoying what happened, and he tried to explain that women can get pregnant (the words "fallopian tube" may have been involved), and I got into an argument with him about how hymens aren't useful to mark virginity and all I want is to recognise my body again and to feel mentally innocent. It was bizarre, and also kind of offensive and condescending.

((((Fish)))) i am so sorry you were struggling last night and that person you spoke with was so unsupportive and ignorant. I am not familiar with the "Samaritans". Is that a phone support group?

I have heard that RAINN is an excellent resource.

Hugs, Nicole

Have you looked into EMDR therapy? I have never tried it but have heard some good things about it.

Thanks I'm not in the US, but I have contacted Rape Crisis over here in the UK. They have, sadly, been less than helpful to me -- often to the point of causing more pain and distress.

It's the main crisis hotline in the UK and Ireland. I ring them sometimes when I'm really in a bad way, but it's hit or miss on whether I get a decent person on the other end. I've had some truly nasty people pick up the phone when I've rung them; I've also had some truly wonderful people.

I saw someone who practiced it for about a month. She passed away suddenly so I couldn't continue . . . but I also get the feeling it wasn't for me. They do this "tapping" thing, which is interesting but it's also more of a distraction technique than a real solution.

actually, I don't do any yoga I've just been told and have heard numerous times how it can be so helpful. thought maybe it could be helpful for you.

I actually fear it... the tension that traumas have left my body with since a tiny child has resulted in this body not able to stretch at all! I've found instructors to be quite unkind to me as they think I'm not even trying,(and then they push the already pained body-- been told females are naturally more limber and also been told I have a gymnast's physique) when in reality my body is screaming in pain from the slightest stretching..... I've not found yoga to feel good or to be relaxing-- just the opposite in fact!.. but, again-- as i hear of it helping so many-- just thought I'd mention it for you.

I wish there was a specific yoga for bodies traumatized long-term

"I wholly enjoy your fish-themed name" ---- Thanks! I LOVE to swim, love water--pools, lakes, rivers, oceans-- any water! and well-- I also like the color purple-- it's soothing to me.
and your name-?-- are "fishsandwiches" your favorite food?

I hope you find a direction towards healing
Let us know how you're doing!

fins

My yoga instructors are both big on listening to your body - one constantly says "this is an individual journey, do what feels right for you" and the other says "work with the body you brought with you today". So there are good ones out there. I'm super weird about people touching me and they both know this & don't touch me.

I keep typing out a response and then the forum eats it -- I don't know what's happening! Let's have another go:

Fins, I'm sorry that's been your experience of yoga. It sounds like the instructors you've seen haven't been very good! I've been to a few myself where they REALLY push you and I've wanted to slap them and say, "It's not a bloody competition!" But I restrain myself . . . Pbutton is right, it should be about listening to your own body!

Anyway, I read a book once, Yoga for Depression by Amy Weintraub that had lots of good ideas about doing yoga for people who are sad, hurt, etc. (I know it says "depression" in the title, but it could probably be a good book for anybody who wants healing yoga.) I ordered another book today, Overcoming Trauma through Yoga -- I'll let you know if it's any good, if you're interested.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Overcoming-T...5591228&sr=8-1

Regarding my name -- I was eating a sandwich for dinner and watching Dr. Who (British sci-fi TV series) when I joined up to the forum. The Doctor's favourite food is fish fingers and custard, so . . . yes . . . history was made I actually don't know how to swim, but I'd like to learn. (Bathing suit shopping/wearing terrifies me.) Do you find it helps you with the trauma?