[Trippin2.0]

My brother molested me while i was sleeping at age 9, he was 18 at the time. He never knew i know, coz as a child, i wanted to protect him, so I remained 'asleep', and who knows why, but I continued to remain silent even after learning that i shouldn't.

Me and him got into what I thought was a misunderstanding via text. (he's abroad) then out of the blue he tells me to leave him alone he unfriended me from fb, coz he doesn't want negative people in his life who ATTACK him

I tore him a new 1, told him I know what he did to me, i protected him, and this is the thanks I get? I said I want zero contact, in exchange 4 my silence.

I was expecting denial, god I hardly believed it sometimes, i was sleeping afterall, could've been a warped nightmare, PLUS the memory was suppressed for 9yrs! Well, he diminished that doubt.

He told me to tell everybody, it would set him free. I didn't want to set him free! Then I realised he was trying reverse psychology, and even if he was 'free', he wouldn't be welcomed back home...

So I did as he asked...

20yrs later at 3am! I fowarded the entire convo, to relevent parties to find whenever they login... Siblings, nieces, close cousins, and his ex-wife, coz she has daughters with her new husband and he was gonna meet them in January...

I told my family not to bring up what I sent them. I just wanted them to know.

Scared I've wreaked havoc tho.

idk what i'm looking for tho, re-assurance maybe? My alarm for work's in an hr, my eyes are messed up from zero sleep and crying. Dont want to go to work, cant breath properly and cant stop the tears, but I don't want him to affect my job either. Idk what to do.

[Open Eyes]

(((Trippin))),

Wow that took a lot of courage for you to do. Ofcourse I can totally understand how you just feel out of sorts big time about letting this out. There is a sense of betrayl in there, I know because I felt that too. I felt like I was a bad person for talking about it. And you are not setting him free, you are setting yourself free. HE has to set himself free, not you. It WILL take some time for this to sink in and settle down. Do you have a T that you can talk to about this?

You did the right thing. But it may not feel like it for a while. Use this thread to allow yourself to sort through your feelings and get validated.

Always remember that a nine year old little girl doesn't know what to do with something like this, they don't know how to understand it or what it means. Your brother was so much older, this was his fault, he was wrong to do that to you.

(((Big Warm Hugs)))
Open Eyes

[Harley47]

Christ...I wish I could shake your hand right now. That took phenomenal strength of you. For what it's worth, I am incredibly proud of you.

You are smart to call him on his bluff...there's no "freedom" in this for him. You, on the other hand, have broken years of silence and undue loyalty to him regarding this. If anyone is free, it is you.

I don't think you've caused havoc. I don't expect this will be taken per se well...but this isn't your fault. Not one single bit. You have done the right thing, especially if he's expecting to meet his ex's daughters. I hope that plan falls through.

Please try not to worry. He is in the wrong here, not you, and you won't have your job affected by this. Please try to get some rest when you can.

If I can do anything for you, please don't hesitate to PM me. I commend you and respect you immensely for what you've done.

[Trippin2.0]

Didn't sleep. Was too busy obsessing over the text i forwarded. Had trouble working my younger bros phone, coz ths ones ancient, and wasnt sure if they gotit. Ended up leaving a bit later, my friend acknowledged that she did receive it, so they'll know... On my way to work now, so glad I didn't give in and stay home. Thank you guys.

...you know it's ok to wreak havoc Ophelia

especially...!

especially when you have good reason...

to be so noble about personal injustice for so long you are already well clear of judgement and even more so.

you are a gentle one so no wonder it's hard right now no wonder your poor brain is keeping you awake and your terrible thoughts find only their way out through your eyes.

I don't know what else to write...it's full on

you will be ok ...wreak some havoc around you it's time to turn it out instead of in...amazing stuff what you are going through

thoughts...James

[JLarissaDragon]

At 18 your brother should have known better than top molest a little girl. At 9 you could in not way be responsible. You were a little child. Your post may wreck havoc for awhile, but at least he knows that his actions have consequences that he cannot escape.

I was raped by a 21 year old man when I was 14. He was my older brothers friend and drinking buddy at the time. My brother was complicent in the affair. I have no idea where the jerk is at this point and my brother is not telling me if he even knows. I cut off contact with him pretty much after my father died and hadn't seen him for years until recently. The point is that rape as a child hurts and causes anguish for a woman that takes years to heal and in some cases a lifetime. Like you I protected my brother because I was so afraid that my father would beat the crap out of me if he found out and I would be blamed. Then I got so angry that I acted out with a lot of self destructive behavior, casual sex and behaved like a wild party girl.

I wish so much to reach out and give you a hug. You never asked for this and certainly did not deserve this. It is no wonder that you are angry about it and his attitude. I wish you well and just to let you know that if you walk through the muck life can be better. Old wounds can be healed and life can be better.

[Trippin2.0]

Thanks guys. Never thought I'd say this, but I wish I had a T. I cant talk about this to family or people who know my family. Just can't. But i cant afford 1, and state only has them available weekdays, i can't take a day off, everytime i have an appt. Well, 2 of my sisters and my ex SIL textd me. Sis 1 and ex SIL sent love, and sis 2 (csa survivor) wanted to know how this convo even came about which is a FKN joke in itself...
*Vent alert*

He was on this trip about how I'm miserable coz i choose to be so bipolar (implied) and that I must reach out, try new things and change my life.

I tried explaining that I wasn't always miserable and that he mustnt talk about me as if he knows me, or lady bipolar.

Then he starts getting irate, saying us young ones are so defensive, dont take advice fr0m veterans.

Again, I remained calm, and explained that I do, my veterans are right here, i speak to them daily...

Then he says well he tried reaching out, I must let him know when I want a brother.

Now by this time I'm having a *****itch, and reply. 'would you seek advice from a gardener regarding your engine? I'd hope not, that makes no sense' also told him its a nice gesture, but even if I wanted to, i couldnt turn to him coz he clearly doesn't know me, coz I'm NOT miserable, and yet he INSISTS I AM! and that I don't appreciate being patronized by pretentious know-it-all understanding!

Then he sent that message about unfriending me, coz i attack him (yes, he's apparantly my victim) when he tries to help and the rest is history. Also told my family that if ANYBODY SUGGESTS I break the zero contact boundary, that they would get the exact same deal.

There was no denial, remorse, or shame in his words to me. None, not an inkling. I think that is what kills me atm...

Guess having a natural predisposition to the infamous *****itch has its perks... I managed to break the silence afterall.

[Open Eyes]

(((Trippen))

You have to understand something, your brother has been in denial for as many years as you have. Any reaching out to you has been in some guilt about what he did as well. But he was never expecting you to remember really what he did. And for several years he built up his own denial about maybe you didnt really know what he was doing to you. And you never really talked about it either so he figured that his nine year old little sister just didn't get that hurt by what he did to you.

Well, now that you blurted this out, he is at a loss. He was never really prepared for this to come out like this. And a big part of him buried that experience. That is what happens a lot when siblings invade their siblings sexually. My brother never talks about what he did to me. In fact I have not seen or talked to him in many years.

Your brother has no idea how to respond to this coming out. And yes, part of him is going to just want to continue to be in denial and use your bipolar issues as you being crazy and needing to lash out and it was just "his turn" etc.

When I said that you have to "free" you and He has to "free himself" that is the way it has to happen. And there can be a significant period where "he" may just hang onto "his" denial. "He" has to come to a point where he is "willing" to finally just let out that "he" did make a big mistake and did severely "trespass on you in a very bad way". And he would have to truely be capable of "having remorse" as well. So this all depends on if he has that capacity in him.

This is a very challenging area when it comes to family members that "molest" their siblings or even children or relatives. And usually the denial is so strong that real "justice" doesn't happen and other family members are left to figure out "who to believe" and they too "may want to stay in denial".

One of the biggest reasons why children "don't talk or tell" is because they feel that it may destroy the family and the desire for "family to stay together" is very strong. And there may already be a sense of fragility in the family already so there can be a genuine fear about telling that may lead to more family trouble. That is what I felt growing up. I was afraid that if I told it would all come down on my brother who was already being severely diciplined for whatever was wrong with him, and that if he suffered even more because of me, he would cross the threshold of anger and could "kill me". I really felt that so I gave in and did my best to try to not be available to him somehow. I spent a lot of time way up in some evergreens where he could not find me. I almost died of phemonia because I was often very cold up in those trees.
And because I was under so much stress, I was always getting sick and experiencing trouble with my digestive track as well. But during that time I never realized that.

You have taken the first step and that WAS a big deal. And I am sure you have alot of confusing feelings about it. And how are family members going to react? That is an unknown too. This is definitly a challenge so everything you are feeling right now is very "understandable". I have been in that place and in many ways am in that place now, and how people have responded to that information has been an asortment of sympathy but also is used as, "don't blame me for how you are struggling, a lot of this is your brother's fault and because you didn't tell".

As I mentioned, my husband will say, "No wonder you had a hard time with what I did to you, you were already messed up so that is why you struggled to handle what I did to you". And that is such a low blow to me when he says that to me. My husband being an alcoholic and playing those denial mind games with me and cheating on me and me feeling unsafe was every bit hard to deal with even if I didn't have a difficult history of abuse. I really resent people using my history as an excuse of how I struggled to deal with "their issues". Even my attorney uses what he knows about me as an excuse of me being unstable and too emotional to cover up his mistakes. Grrr, yes I am definitely struggling but I hate how people use that to excuse themselves when they fall short somehow.

Sigh....I feel for you, but you deserve to finally heal. And you have to do this for you, your brother may very well stay in denial, and there are ways that people like to hang onto some denial. I have expressed one way by sharing with you how my husband lessons his part in abusing me. Well, it is not very nice, but people Do do that.

Do not accept any of this behavior. You deserve to let out what hurt you and have that be respected.

(((Hugs)))
Open Eyes

[lynn P.]

((((Trippin))) - so sorry this happened and sorry you had to hang onto to this in silence. You're brave for letting that toxic skeleton out of the closet and tell people. You did nothing wrong, so let him deal with the fallout. He was 18 and should have known better.

I was almost assaulted by my BIL when I was 13 and I was afraid to tell anyone - I was so confused, so I can't imagine how you/others must feel when you've been assaulted. Secrets like this are toxic. Good for you in going to work despite being dead tired - you're a survivor and a fighter for good reasons.

[Shishkeberry]

You did the right thing. Just be prepared for people to take his side. It's unfortunate, but it definitely does happen.

[Trippin2.0]

Thanks, you guys made me tear up, in a good way. I appreciate the support. Nobody's told my mum or younger brother, I don't want to. I live with them. But I did tell them that I never told mum and gary, and wouldn't stop anyone who did... Relieved they don't know yet, need to sleep.

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

Thanks, you guys made me tear up, in a good way. I appreciate the support. Nobody's told my mum or younger brother, I don't want to. I live with them. But I did tell them that I never told mum and gary, and wouldn't stop anyone who did... Relieved they don't know yet, need to sleep.

sleep real good Ophelia...you are owed some zzzzz
I pray you are not haunted tonite ...the rest of the week all year forever!

[Trippin2.0]

Thank you James

[lynn P.]

Try some slow deep breathing similar to the one I gave you before, except you'll concentrate on one muscle area at a time. In the end you want to be so relaxed that you don't even feel your arms or legs. I imagine the stress is melting off me and it helps. I hope you'll have the most peaceful sleep and feel nice/safe.

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

Thank you James

anytime x

(hey I'm learning from you ...not to say much...it's a beautiful thing....I thankyou for that Ophelia ...allthough it took me a bit to say that...hehe...)

damn where is the line drawn...

[Trippin2.0]

My eldest sister just texted. Not mad that I spoke up, there if I need her, but doesn't know why I told my 17y.o niece, instead of just my sisters. I didn't respond. I thought my msg to him about telling 'everyone' was pretty clear. I WANT them ALL to know what a sick fraud he is, but they don't seem to getit. Maybe I damaged my niece now? Idk we are quite close, maybe i should text her an apology. Think they are mad at me, but walking on eggshells.

[Harley47]

I don't think you offended your sister or your niece, and I don't think they're mad at you. Shocked, perhaps, but not mad. I think it's just a shock to everyone right now. You said you were going to tell everyone, and you kept your end of the bargain.

..the thing with me L....

I cannot give advice or I don't I just cannot because it's not me

...if it was me being you I could tell myself to do this and that...

and maybe you could get it out of me....I'm too afraid to advise people I just want to fill in the empty spaces...these ones sweet freind...:

...was it real...?...YES

how have you made it this far...?....because you are KIND....

and too kind is not meaningless because no-one else has seen it...the ones that count!

...and this is where the most damage is done ...you are not compensated!..

it's a s.h.i.t.deal....the worst kind for being so KIND and it was never your fault.

...it's a miracle your heart is not MUCH harder...you still put on this pricks mistake like an old shirt...it's not fair

I am so sorry L.....

this should not have happened to you sweet thing..

[Sannah]

[Trippin2.0]

My sister said I may have been able to be more tactful, but that its water under the bridge, and nobody's mad I told my niece... She also thinks talking to her will help... Told her I couldn't afford the luxury of scratching off scabs, that acknowledging them would have to do at this point, as atm avoidance is the key to maintaining stability and my job...

What I didn't say, was that I don't want to exchange war stories with her. My dad's memory has already been tarnished, and that I'm scared her story triggers the rest of my memories... I don't want them, I won't be able to unremember. I tried that before, couldn't pull it off, so I made excuses for the abuse in order to be able to live with it, and have a relationship with 'him'.

Also, I can't tell anybody who knows us both. I just can't...

She said that she understands why I won't face it now, but that she loves me unconditionally, and will listen if I'm ever ready.

[Gr3tta]

so sorry. admire your bravery.

[Trippin2.0]

Thanks Gr3tta