Is pushing as bad as hitting?

So you don't want to be alone so you will settle for anything?

This has got to be hard, I know.

Letting someone go for your own safety.

You will do the right thing.

We are here for you.

Carol

That's not what I meant. I'm not desperate and I could have a number of different guys and girls that want me. The thing is though he's all I want and I know that makes me sound stupid but that's how I feel

That is abuse! Please do not marry him! I know it will be hard to break it off with him--but life will be a lot harder for you if you stay. Take it from someone who knows!

Ok I understand you love him and that you are confused about your feelings, but it's abuse. Yes pushing is abuse as much as hitting is. It sounds to me that you already know it's bad, but you are desperately trying to get validation that it isn't. Just because it is less abuse than before doesn't mean that it is better abuse. Abuse is abuse, and you are so used to being in abusive relationships that you are settling for what seems better than before...but it's not...it's just the same.

Maybe that's the type of relationship I'm meant to be in

NO! God did not put you on this earth to be beaten up and abused!

i am in the same situation he said it is not wrong as long as he just pushed and don't hit me

Maybe he did. Someone has to go through it. Maybe its a test to see if I can handle it.
Anyway my fiancee and I talked last night about a lot. I don't remember all of the convo because I was high but I do remember him promising me that from now on when he gets mad at me he's just gonna go outside and smoke a cigarette and calm down. He has told me that when he was younger he was diagnosed bi polar but he was never put on medication because his family couldn't afford it. Maybe that has something to do with his anger?

Abusers always make those kind of promises! God does not want people abusing others. No one HAS to go through that! Maybe the bipolar does have something to do with it--but he still has to take repsonsibility for himself. Perhaps he can't do it right now, but you do NOT need to stay there and take it. You deserve better than that!!! I know it's not that easy to get up and leave, but you need to get out of there! It's not gonna get any easier if you stay.

I was very abusive to other people--and even violent. I believe that my mental illness had a lot to do with it. But I have still had to take the responsibility to get myself better so I would not continue to hurt people. Of course, I want people to understand me, but it is not fair for other people to have to put up with my abuse, just because I'm having issues. I know it is your business, and I don't know you; but I have been through it myself, and have put other people through it, and have seen a lot of my family members be abused by other people that they loved, so the thought of someone going through that kind of breaks my heart. I just really hope you reconsider.

I think I want to give him a chance to atleast prove to me that he can do it

Nobody is meant to be in this kind of relationship. YOU DO NOT DESERVE TO BE ABUSED. NOBODY DOES.

I don't doubt that you love him. You can love him when he pushes you, you can love him when he hurts you, you can love him when he makes you feel like nothing. Loving him isn't enough. Loving him doesn't make you safe. Loving him doesn't make him treat you right. Loving him doesn't stop you from hurting.

Pushing is violent.

I know what it's like to think you're too far in to leave. YOU ARE NEVER EVER TOO FAR IN TO LEAVE. You can survive without him. You don't have to put up with this.

You're not stupid.

Did I mention you're not stupid? Abuse can happen to anyone. People say: "Oh, I'd never stay with a man who did X." Sure they wouldn't, if it happened out of the blue tomorrow to them, in their imaginations and not in real life. But when you've had someone chip chip chipping away at you, when you're already too far in to get out, yeah you would stay. You're not stupid. I spent seven years with my abusive ex. I have a genius-level IQ and a postgraduate degree. Intelligence can't protect you from abuse.

It's great, for him, that you want to give him a chance. But people don't just magically change. Your brain develops along certain pathways, and it's impossible to just wake up and change how you act. He can't just decide to change. I'm sorry. You shouldn't have to give him a chance. You deserve better, even if you don't believe it now, because EVERYONE DESERVES BETTER. This is in caps because it's important, not because I want to make you feel got at, as I really don't. He's in the retribution phase right now, see here: Out of the FOG - The Abusive Cycle

This isn't your fault. But it's not going to change by itself. He's not going to change. I'm really sorry, but you need to get out.

I see you're in Alabama, so I have looked up some resources, I don't have personal experience of them but there's a whole list of numbers here:
Abuse shelters - Alabama - Knights of Kindness

Please consider calling one just to talk.

So is it bad that I want to give him a chance to prove?

It's not about good or bad. It's about what kind of person he is, not what kind of person you are.

I think you should give yourself a chance to be safe. I've been where you are. I promise you it's better when you're not with someone like that.

I don't know. Did you make it physical first? Did you hit him or kick him or push him or something? Was he defending himself?

There may be a middle ground, like putting off the wedding and insisting he gets help first. You can't wait decades for him to grow up on his own and learn that he has better options. What he needs is more options. It sounds like he made it physical first. That shouldn't be on his top ten list of responses.

No I didn't. But I do make him mad a lot. But it hasn't happened since so I think its all good.

This is classic in these abusive relationships. What is going on is that he is an angry person. It is him not you. It doesn't matter what you do, he is going to be angry. You deserve better than this.

And has he ever promised to behave better before?

No he's never promised to stop till now

Trust me when I say- GET OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP before you are in deeper. This is how it always starts- a push here a shove there- and then the choking will start and the punching. Please talk to someone- get help before it gets worse- get out while you can.
No man should ever lay a finger on a woman- or vice versa. It's wrong on all levels.