[kittycat97]

I have read in many places that you can heal completely when you forgive your abuser. Is this true? Or can you use dissociation or time to forget everything?

[Sannah]

If only the act of forgiving could be that healing. Forgiving can be complicated. Did the abusers ask for forgiveness and admit that they did wrong? Did they apoligize?

You can't "forget" stuff without working through it.

[kittycat97]

My abuser apologises to me (i don't know if he means it) but sometimes he is not remorseful etc. I told the police that I don't want him to go to prison, for my mother s sake but kind of regret it now because he is still his old self.

[Sannah]

What does his "old self" look like?

[kittycat97]

Abusing my family, being violent etc.

[Sannah]

That doesn't deserve forgiveness. So you told on him recently then?

[kittycat97]

I reported his sexual assault on me to the police. He has sort of been threatening me to drop the case or he will turn nasty. My mother has also been pleading me. So i sort of lied to the police that I didn't want him to go to prison for my mother and him but even after I told the police that I don't want him to go to prison, his behaviour towards my family doesn't change.

[Sannah]

First of all, good for you for standing up for yourself and reporting him.

This is a very difficult position for a teenager to be in. Totally unfair. They both sound like sick people.

Can you talk to the police again and let them know what is going on?

You have been sexually assaulted and he is still living in your home? Has child protection been involved?

[kittycat97]

I do have a child protection officer but it is hard to explain his behaviour and method of striking to them . To them everything is ok if i keep away from him.

[notablackbarbie]

(((kittycat97)))
Firstly, i applaud you for being brave in trying to stand up for yourself, and stopping the abuse.
Secondly, is it possible for you to take your time with the child protection officer/another support worker with these feelings, concerns, and questions...?
To be honest, i dont know how to answer your question about forgiveness, because i a) struggle with it too and b) unsure if this is the right time - in the midst of an investigation into abuse? - to forgive right now...?

I dont know . I am also sorry you are struggling with all of this too...

[kittycat97]

I think i am going to give up.

[Open Eyes]

(((kittycat97))),

Ok, when you feel like this it means you need to give yourself a day off from stressing and thinking you have to have all the solutions right now. So give up for just "today" until you can get some mental rest and regroup. It takes time to calm down sometimes, but you can do it.

Today try to find some things you can do that are "different" and "bring you away from it all for a bit". Are you in school? Can you talk to a guidance councelor at school just to have a supportive presence?

(((Hugs, you can get past this))))

[kittycat97]

I have virtually no hope left.

[Sannah]

Don't give up kitty. Do you have any relatives that you can reach out to? A teacher? The school counselor? A parent of a friend?

[kittycat97]

They have all betrayed my trust or don't really seem to care

[Sannah]

What did each of these people do which gave you this viewpoint on them?

[kittycat97]

They said that i am wallowing in self pity.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by Sannah

... relatives ... A teacher? The school counselor? A parent of a friend?

All of these ^ people said that?

[kittycat97]

Yes... My therapist even said that i have hypochondriasis

[Sannah]

That can be an effect of abuse.

[kittycat97]

I have been thinking of quitting. I really regretted opening upto anyone. Lesson learnt already. :-|

[Sannah]

Kitty, don't make your circle smaller. It seems that you are shutting people out?

[Sabra]

quote=kittycat97;2909809]I have read in many places that you can heal completely when you forgive your abuser. Is this true? Or can you use dissociation or time to forget everything?[/quote]

I am a newby, I don't think all the numbers etc are supposed to be in the post. Movin on.

Most of my abusers are dead. The only one left asked for forgiveness 20 years ago. I made the decision to forgive my abusers. It was an act of will, not a feeling. I couldn't do it until we dealt with big bunch of crapolla. I would just dissociate initially, but that kept everything intact. My therapist helped me to break memories into small, manageable thoughts and feelings.

I forgave them because I didn't want them living rent free in my head for the rest of my life. I certainly did not do it for them. This is what worked for me.

Sabra

[kittycat97]

I don't really like to talk actually. And since even my counsellors and therapist are also treating me this way, I really wonder who else can I trust?

[Sannah]

But if you view everyone this way maybe you are misinterpreting sometimes?