my father sexually abused me. ive never shared that in this forum or anyone else for that matter. I only told my T a few weeks ago. im not sure why i even have been wanting to share it. it wasnt that traumatizin and i was very young. but it was real

[Rhapsody]

((((((( HUGS ))))))) ~ ~ ~ ~ ((((((( HUGS )))))))

I am so sorry that you had to endure such abuse from your own father.... please know that many of us here on PC share this same wound with you and that we are here to listen as you release and heal.
Thanks for sharing and for trusting us all.......


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

i too share this wound.

[Rhapsody]

((((((( HUGS ))))))) ~ ~ ~ ~ ((((((( HUGS )))))))

..... To all the CHILDREN abused by a PARENT - may PeAcE be ours one day?

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[OneAndMany]

(((((((((((((((((((((((EV)))))))))))))))))))))))))

My father did as well. I'm glad you were able to share. For me, sharing definitely helps.

If you ever want to talk, feel free to PM me.



Elizabeth

thanks everyone.. Im not sure how i feel about it. I never told once "realizing" it b/c it didnt feel like a big deal to me. Then keeping it hidden was so tiring. Now that its out... Im not sure what to feel.. plz dont take that in an overly dramatic way.. thats not what im trying to mean.. or be.

[FaithisAlive]

Hi! I didn't think it was a big deal for me either.I actually thought I had dealt with it pretty good but in reality i only ignored it so well that i went through life functioning quite good.

Only when I started talking about it in therapy, did I realize just how much it did affect me and even still does. You did a good thing telling about it.. and its normal to not be sure what you think or feel right now... this is new territory for you... its okay...

When you have been abused. .one time or 1000 times, it leaves pain behind and there comes a time when its right to start the healing process.. that could be why you felt the need to talk about it now.. its time...

I wish you the best, and know its okay to keep on talking about it. however much you need to.You obviously have alot of caring supportive people here to help you as you embark on this particular journey...stay strong.

[inpain]

i also wanted to send you some hugs, if okay. I don't know what to say except that i understand

thanks everyone.. the wierd thing is that thee fact that it happened doesnt make me hurt, but hearing other ppl's stories does. Their details make my heart palpitate, and i get panicked. I withdraw and feelextremeley overwhelmed. Why doesnt any of that happen when i think about my own story?

[hillbunnyb]

it's safe to feel for others. Feeling our own pain, well, it opens the doors we have worked so limbicly to keep closed.

Who knows what's behind it, back in the dark, in there? When you are healed and strong enough, your subconscious will start leaking you more information, including repressed feelings. You're normal, keep breathing.

[OneAndMany]

I too can feel sad or scared or angry about other people's abuse much more than I can about mine. I don't know for sure, but I think it may be a self-protective mechanism.

Here is how it has been for me: If I were to feel the pain caused by my own story, right now that pain would simply be too much to handle all at once. I think that is the same reason that I didn't remember what happened for so many years. As I've been able to remember things, I've also been able to feel less numb about it over time. My T has said that I will be able to feel my feelings easier with practice. She also said that I will learn to trust myself and know that if I start to cry, it won't continue forever. Or if I start to feel really angry, I will calm down again.

My T says don't rush the healing (and don't actively avoid it either). As you are able, you will feel more.

[lenjan]

(((((((((((((((EV))))))))))))) you are very brave for sharing this. My mom molested me and it took me years to even acknowledge it, much less be able to talk about it in therapy. My T helped me realize that I didn't earn it, deserve it, or do anything to bring it on, which is key, because I had always blamed myself.

Feeling numb over your own story is a defense mechanism. I've done it too. The more you talk about it, the more you will be able to feel your feelings about it. They can be intense, and scary, but it leads to healing.

Thank you for sharing this with us. It took courage!



Love, Candy

[jennie]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
esthersvirtue said:
thanks everyone.. the wierd thing is that thee fact that it happened doesnt make me hurt, but hearing other ppl's stories does. Their details make my heart palpitate, and i get panicked. I withdraw and feelextremeley overwhelmed. Why doesnt any of that happen when i think about my own story?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

((((((esthersvirtue)))))) I'd guess that compartmentalized feelings explains it. Your mind is protecting you.

[Rhapsody]

I am so SORRY - I feel your PAIN today..................... ((( hugs )))

.... What can we do for you today? - as to help make it better?

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

maybe its just for me to sit and feel it.. maybe it will go away and i can do some more work then.

Thanks for caring Rhapsody.

[Rhapsody]

You are WELCOME...... and I am crying for YOU and for ME....

LoVe,
Rhapsody - both............. and

[Sarah116]

Yikes! If he still does or did in the last few years you might wanna get him in trouble or some sort of help line. That is wrong and dangerous!

it was just me.. He wasnt like a pedophile or anything.

[lenjan]

But sweetie, he committed a crime against you. It's bad enough he did it to you! Who cares if he did it to anybody else? Doing that to his daughter is bad enough, and he can go to prison for that just as much as he can go for doing it to other kids.

(((((((((((((((((EV)))))))))))))))

Candy

[OneAndMany]

EV, I would have said the same thing until this year. My father began "grooming" (thats what the T calls it) my daughter in order to do the same thing to her. No one would ever have thought that such an "honest, upstanding, good man" could ever do such a thing. But it is true and my husband and I watched it without understanding what was happening. Suddenly, everything clicked and I ended up confronting my father and mother. He is in treatment now. I don't know how everything will turn out.

I also agree with what Candybear said. It is bad enough that he did this to you.

[Evangelista]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
esthersvirtue said:
it was just me.. He wasnt like a pedophile or anything.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

((((EV))))...

Hun...you need to take out the word Just in that quote ..this is part of the dissociation of what happened..I do it all the time..and until you form the bridge from the Just Me to the Me..it will continue to feel a psychic numbing of sorts yet still...causing confusion, pain and conflict..without knowing why..

I hope for you dearest the healing of removing the (just) word and the ability and support around you as you peel back the process of protection your mind has created to help you... all of you..gentle hugs and warmest thoughts EV

[mssumom]

EV.......for me not a family member but a trusted teacher and have always blamed myself for it happening and continuing for so long because it has to be something wrong with me......It is not but old thoughts and feelings die hard. I'm told that is probably the trigger for what led me to marry so young and into a controlling situation that has led to worse abuse after divorce. I didn't mean to go on here just wanted you to know that I feel your pain and hope that you are stronger than me and able to do what you need to for you to be healthy and strong.

[JustAPixie]

(((((((((((((( EV and all of you ))))))))))))))))

I've been having lots of bad days lately. i wont go so far as to say its because of talking about sa. I'm not sure if its even connected. i just feel trapped in life though. Ugly. unwanted. and uncared for. I feel pain that I told someone (about my secret) and now its out there floating in my environment. I feel sad i have no one to comfort me (no close friends). I feel overwhelmed with life . I really need to cry to get it all out. Problem is that I have a hard time crying., but i really want to. Is it bad to want to cry in front of someone (or with someone). I've never had that experience. I want to cry so bad.