False Memory Syndrome versus real experiences of sexual abuse

Hi, I'm going to preface this with an apology in advance if I sound crazy, uninformed, or offensive in any way. I certainly don't want to diminish the experiences of any by my lack of understanding of my own experiences.

How can real memories of sexual abuse be distinguished from manifestations of false memory syndrome (FMS)?
Based on what I've told my therapist, she thinks I was molested. ?? I have some memories, but I cannot time travel and prove to myself their validity.

Here is why I ask:
7 months ago, a question came to mind after coming across a broken and very odd memory along with a dream that some might characterize as a "flashback". "Was I molested?" I looked everywhere for an answer and have made little progress, although still some. I began therapy, told her about my sexual nightmares as a kid, my early sexual knowledge/behaviors, my memory gaps, my sketchy memories with my uncle (although none conclusive enough to say anything illicit happened (in most states)).

I know this much- yes, it sounds stupid:
my uncle WAS abusive, sexually, even if not to me.
He DID make me spoon with him and lay on him while he was drunk.

Are these behaviors inherently abusive? I didn't think so, but many do.

Here is where things are strange:
After "digging" i "uncovered" more memories. I did this completely on my own but have no idea whether or not these "memories" are valid.
The content in my nightmares as a young girl (before i knew about sex) was farrrr more explicit than anything I recall with my uncle or anyone for that matter.

Needless to say, this is causing a degree of cognitive dissonance in me. My therapist thinks that the things in my nightmares are things that probably happened to me. I don't know if I agree with this.

A) Where could this come from?
B) Is it worth it looking further?
C) How can I know if I have false memory syndrome?
D) How can I tell if just, deep within my subconscious, I am attention hungry and all of these "memories" are manifestations of that or not?

What should I do?
Should I dig deeper or let sleeping dogs lie?
How can I handle this properly?

Thanks

First off, I'm sorry you are going through this right now. This journey is not going to be easy for you, I hope you reach some kind of closure soon.
They can't and unless you are going to court it doesn't matter. Child abuse creates holes in the memory that's why some of it could be lost in your unconscious because of the brain damage it causes.
Yes I think they are, did they make you uncomfortable at the time? Does it bother you today? Even if the answer is no to both of those questions it was still abusive because in your own words "He DID make me spoon with him and lay on him while he was drunk." forcing a child to do anything sexual is abusive. I went through the same questions before about my own childhood sexual abuse, just because you were aroused doesn't make it okay, at such a young age children cannot give informed consent. Believe it or not this incestuous sexual abuse is relatively common in dysfunctional alcoholic families. You are not alone! You might benefit from group therapy for survivors of CSA ask your T about it.
I don't think the nightmares are things that happened to you, and if you don't want to agree with it, assertively tell your T that you do not agree with it. Please take no offense by this but these dreams could also signify a hidden desire for sexual deviance you might have.
A) Bad dreams and Flashbacks are causing you distress, either you have a really good imagination or you were traumatized as a child. Take your pick.

B) In my humble opinion no. Especially not if its not distressing you and you were not bothered by it to begin with.

C) You can't, false memory syndrome is a sneaky thing, the parts where you say it is exaggerated are most likely the "false memories" the less traumatizing parts you can remember are probably real. FMS is like your unconscious mind playing tricks on you.

D) I don't know, you'd have to ask yourself that question, are you attention hungry? Do you have any motive to discredit your uncle? Is there any way you can safely confront him about it?
Its up to you, I think you need to discuss these things with your therapist more.
If it were me I would stop "digging" if the memories are there they'll come. I would try to focus more on learning coping techniques and less on the trauma, especially since you are an adult now and likely won't be traumatized like this again.
You can confront him about it if he is still around, has he recovered from his alcoholism? Or is he still drinking? Talk to your T about it before you do anything. Try to be more assertive with your T that you want to learn more coping skills for the flashbacks. I'll give you one right here.

Try some of these grounding techniques found in this link Behavior Health Resources practice the ones that best suit you.

When my memories started flowing I would get snippets fuzzy edged still photos. Then when I was ready to start dealing they came quicker longer and harder. It was horrible. I don't know how to help I wish you luck. l have a family member who tells me its all in my head so I live in that self doubt. Just know you aren't alone. Personally I think you should trust the true you not things you've been told but how you really feel.

I have more for you to ponder upon about this false memory syndrome. Both of my parents told me I was molested at daycare, in their words "at the time we didn't think it would effect you much, you were too young to form memories" and I've struggled with anger, depression and anxiety my whole life. Earliest documented report of my depression was 2 years old. I've never had a flashback or nightmare of being molested as a baby. But I have no doubts that it effected me psychologically. That and being left in daycare was traumatizing in and of itself, one of my earliest memories is having anxiety asking the authorities "When is mommy going to come and get me out of here? Is her job more important than me?" and wondering if she was ever going to come back.

There isn't really any such thing as 'false memory syndrome'. Sometimes people have memories that turn out to be inaccurate, but it's not a syndrome. That was invented by an organisation funded by people whose children accused them of CSA. I think we've talked about this before, I'm not sure but thought I'd mention it again.

How can real memories of sexual abuse be distinguished from manifestations of false memory syndrome (FMS)?

My personal opinion is that this comes down to you. Your own perceptions and beliefs. If you clear away everything other people have told you to think, the 'official' story of your life, and just pay attention to your own experience and perception, you'll find it easier to work this out.

It is my personal opinion that this question does not come out of nowhere. Most people who ask it seem to eventually discover an answer, one way or another. How should you handle it? It's taken me a while to see this, as I went through a period of torment where I wanted to know what it was that I'd blocked out, but actually the exact content of your memories isn't the most pressing thing - it's more about how you feel about them and how you are affected now.

My T and I have discussed how I'm pretty sure of what happened to me but my memories are missing, fragmented or hazy - my T's objective opinion is that something did happen. But the place we've reached is to realise that it may as well have happened as the effects are the same. Obviously it matters if it did or not because it's a parent in my case, and nobody could happily sit with the torment of not knowing either way, so it does matter whether it really happened (and I'm still going round in circles where I try to convince myself I've made it up even after having some flashbacks).

In your case, your memories, whatever they are, wherever they've come from, are troubling you and they contain information. And I think the nature of so-called FMS - or the situations they ascribe to FMS - is that therapists have supposedly implanted 'memories'. It sounds like that is not what has happened here.