[Sailaway]

therapy was bad this week. i actually asked her if i was safe. i should know if i'm safe or not and shouldn't need reassurance from anyone else. i was doing so well there for a few days and then another hour in her office and i don't want to sleep again. i know it isn't her fault nor is it mine. i just can't take it anymore. the details of the past were safe inside of me. i don't feel safe right now, not in my room, not alone, not anywhere. i don't know what to do, i always know what to do. why can't i fix this. i don't remember ever feeling this out of control. i'm sorry just having a hard night.

Sorry things are hard on you right now. But why don't you talk to her about how you're feeling unsafe and that you can't take anymore. She might find a way to either slow things down... or do things differently. Take care.

open up to your T and let her in. She can help you walk through this.

[hillbunnyb]

))))))) ) )sailaway (((( ( (( hi, one of the things about therapy and opening up and letting the crappola out, its a messy process. It hurts like a big old boil popping, but, the relief after, when you realize the pain is not gonna kill you this time if it didn't kill you when it happened..... it's in the past.... and you can start to breath, and catch your breath and peek into the damaged, but now pussless, place....... well, finally knowing the truth, even if it sucks big time, is a relief...... OH dang, dang dang, there's a good reason for every broken piece in me..... it's validating in a deep satisfying way. I always find validation sets me up with energy to move forward, even a little excitedly, to clean up the old mess.

Finding a space to feel safe in has been one of my challenges.
Breathing, meditation, music while bundled under my blankies, doing positive imagry, perhaps with a pet in there with you......?????? All I can say is, it eventually comes from within, bit by bit. You couldn't pry me away from my shrink at this point. She's a good fit for me and gives a caring continity I don't get from other medicos. ya know?

[FaithisAlive]

Hey hun.. I know it hurts but hillbunny is right. See is much like an old deep scab left from a very bad cut.... you peel off that scab because its so ugly you can't take it anymore.. but dang it hurts like heck..... it even bleeds a while...and it has to heal... only to be pulled off again and again until it is only a scar left as a reminder.. but it doesn't hurt anymore....

Well, maybe it seems a bit sore now and then but no pain.. no bleeding.. no scab...

When I feel the most unsafe, I imagine myself as a strong, beautiful white she-wolf standing on a high ridge looking out across the mountains. I imagine my clan to be safely hidden in the deep forest.. waiting for me to return...

I imagine the wind blowing against my fur.. the smell of the coming snow... I imagine the peaceful feeling of knowing I am untouchable here in my mountain home with a wolf family to fight for me if the need arises... I am safe.. I am strong.. i am invincible...

I can only get to this vision if I breath.. slowdeep breaths in.. and back out.. slow.... the counselor I have taught me this and it has rescued me from many a panic attack.I wasn't able to open up to her for a long time and still haven't given her much of me.... it takes time.. be patient with yourself.

Faith

Sailaway,

I'm sorry you are not feeling safe. It is so upsetting to feel that way!

I think you are probably right where you should be. I think it is inevitable that bringing things 'up front' brings a lot of uncomfortable feelings with it, including and maybe especially about feeling safe.

Good for you for asking if you were safe! That is a good way to care for yourself and it is always good to express how you are feeling.

About thinking of quitting. That too, along with wondering if you are safe, is a way of wanting to not have to think about these things and is a way of saying just how much it hurts to remember and think or talk about them. When you think of quitting, think of it as another symptom and tell yourself that thinking of quitting is all the more reason to stay in there.

Hang on! Things will get better. You are going the right direction!

[Rhapsody]

((((((( HUGS ))))))) ~ ~ ~ ~ ((((((( HUGS ))))))))

I think we all feel like this at one time or another, for when we let our fears and secrets out then we feel out of control and some times our deep rooted anger takes over and it scares us..... for we have hid from it for so long out of fear of what we might actually do if we were to let it FREE!!

Talk to your T and let her know how you are feeling.... for it was when I did this that my T reassured me that "feelings" are not bad, but that it what one does with those feelings that are bad.... it is the acting out on of with ones feelings that create the problem(s).

LoVe,
Rhapsody - ((( hugs )))