[GirlOfManyFaces]

So about a year ago I was abused and r**** and now that it's that time of year again I can focus, I can't sleep, I can't eat. I just can't do anything. I'm having all my PTSD symptoms again... I feel like it's happening all over agin. It's been a whole year since it happened and I thought I had forgotten about it. But on the exact date that THAT happened, I could barely go to school. I couldn't move. It was like my brain was frozen in fear. Just like I was THAT day.
Like I said all my PTSD stuff is back.
I can't eat
I can't sleep
Can't think or focus
Hearing that girl in my head again
Constantly shaking (ALL THE TIME)
Suicidal thoughts (NOT actions)
Wanting to SI (like I use to)
Seeing my abuser everywhere
Minor hallucinations
All this stress and fear is too much for me to handle. I pray and pray and read my Bible and I just can't seem to calm down. I'm snapping at my friends who love me. I can't be near guys or I start tearing up (from fear). I'm being super mean to my friends and I can't help it. I am never mean and It kills me that I can't seem to control it.

I know it sounds confusing, but I would VERY MUCH appreciate it if you would leave advice or something.
Thank you

EXTRA: I am now 15 and in 10th grade. And the time of the abuse and R*** I was 14 and in 9th grade.

NOTE: please refrain from using the word R*** thank you

I can not say exactly why.... but my heart absolutely breaks when I see or read about young people (like yourself) put in such horrible positions. And to hear of the suffering that you are going through..... and none of it being your fault. It is just so unfair. Makes me sad and angry and dejected all at the same time.

I feel so bad for what you have gone through. I wish I could take all your pain away. I wish I had some *wisdom* that I could share that would ease your pain and your current struggles. Sorry - I do not. Just let me say that as one human to another human - I love you. I am sorry for your pain. And if there is EVER anything that I can do to help you - PLEASE contact me.

[allme]

Hi

I am so so sorry this happened to you.

I was abused from the age of 14 - 17 (now 32) and many horrific things happened to me during this time. All I can say is, things do get better with time but you will need all the help you can get. I say things have got better but memories sometimes get to me. If you're not already in therapy I would look into it asap. Also maybe try and find a support group.

I am again sorry you went through this ordeal

If you ever need to chat, PM me

[Soulsisters]

Hi

You need to find a way to cope with this. It needs to be behind you, not define you.

I know you hurt, I know it is scary, I know you feel some sense of that it was your fault.

It is not your fault. It is over. You are beautiful and strong and god has given you gifts that are unique only to you. You are wonderful.

We all have our stories as we go through life and this us part of yours. Maybe it would help you to write your story. Write it all.

Then put it in a box and hide it.

When you feel strong again, go help a girl just like you. You will understand her.

Oh yeah, I have a cure all for when panic comes crashing into your chest. Take your iPod and crank a loud rocking song you can sing to and play it as loud as you can. Play it until that pesky guy panic leaves you. It works. (You may need to play same song 25x), so what. Dance around the house too

You are beautiful

[Harley47]

Hi Girl.

I just finished responding to your other topic...hopefully, I was of some help there. I'll do what I can here.

The anniversary of anything of such magnitude, either good or bad, tends to bring back a lot of memories associated with it. Simply looking at it from a social standpoint, it's the same reason wedding anniversaries and birthdays are celebrated, in a large way. It's the same logic here, only it's, unfortunately, a hugely negative, awful thing. I mention this to say simply to not beat yourself up...you've done so well in working past this, and the anniversary of such a thing is always an immensely hard thing.

Time does heal, but it does so at its own pace, if left solely to time. I do think a therapist would be immensely beneficial if you could see one. Things WILL get better Girl...if nothing else, do believe that. I remember your story, and I know you to have the strength and determination to get through this. I won't lie and say it's going to be easy...likely, it will be a long road to healing through this. But I know you can do it Girl. I have nothing but faith in you.

Useless Me summed up my thoughts on this perfectly...stories like yours should never exist. It pains me so, so much to see people, ESPECIALLY young people (or in your case, someone not much younger than I) to suffer so much over something they had virtually no control over. It angers me infinitely toward the abuser (which I think I may've let some of that slip on my post in your other topic...my apologies there), and it saddens me more than I can begin to tell you to see someone suffer so much. Like Useless Me, I echo the sentiment of human to human love, and extend the same offer that if I can do anything at all to help, you need only PM me. As a fellow human being, I owe at least that much to you.

Know you're in my prayers, and that I wish you all of my best.

Many hugs,
Harley

PS: Please, allow me a moment to extend this...I find your faith both incredibly admirable and inspirational. In fact, I envy you there...you're much more devoted in your faith than I ever was or ever have been. I could stand to learn something from you there.