[TryingToCope]

I have been in therapy for over a year. I started going because of depression. I didn't realize before I started therapy that I am in a verbally/emotionally abusive marriage. I can see now it has been since the beginning. No matter what goes wrong I am always to blame. I just can't do anything good enough for him no matter how hard I try. My self esteem is down to nothing. I have been trying so hard to gain a little of it back. I get so afraid of him when he gets mad. I never know what he is going to do. He has never hit me. He only pushed me once. I haven't had friends since we got married. I do still see my family, not as often as I like. I visit them when he is at work. I am not supposed to go anywhere or talk on the phone until all my work is done the way he wants it done. When he asks me a question I am supposed to answer him right away, if I don't, he gets very mad. When I do answer, he twists my words and uses them against me. I am not allowed to ask him questions. I just can't make the decision to leave. I feel I have to stay for my kids, until they are out of school. They want us to stay together. He keeps telling me how good I have it, that I have nothing to be depressed about. Sorry I kept babbling.

[sabby]

(((((((((Trying)))))))))))

I'm so sorry you are suffering through a bad time in your marriage. Have you discussed this problem with you T?

I too was in an abusive marraige. Leaving him and divorcing him was one of the most difficult things I ever had to do. But I did it. I had to do it for my own survival and that of my children.

You will do what you have to do when your time is right. Talk to your T. Call an abuse hotline. Get information and plan plan plan.

Keep posting here.....there is lots of support and wonderful people to lean on and learn from. I wish you and your children strength as you work through all of this.

Take good care of yourself!

Hugssss
J

[manicworld]

It talks as long as we let it.
We are the only ones who can help ourselves in this.
I was in an abusive marriage with 3 kids no education I was all so a Bipolar with no medication when my husband woke me from a dead sleep beating me in the face and head. I stayed for a bit longer I think only because I could not believe it was really happening. Then my dad said to me "you deserved it" I left and never looked back!!

We are strong and deserve love and to be treated with respect in a safe environment. "Remember he is the one with the problem NOT YOU!!!!
He is soooooo unhappy with himself that he must make you feel the way he dose. You are not the problem again HE IS!

Please tell me that you know that is not love.

I don't know you, but I hope for people to be kind and good hearted so I will believe you are a wonderful person.

SOOOO

He is not loving you nor respecting you. Life is so short he is the one that needs T not you! but I am glad you are here.

[TryingToCope]

Sabu,
I have been talking to my T about it. I know she would really like for me to get out of the marriage. He is alot better with the kids then he is with me. We do have fun together sometimes. It just doesn't last long enough and then he is right back to treating me the same way. My T said she will be there for me no matter what I decide, and help in whatever way I need. She knows that I am afraid of my daughter being alone with him, because he can be pretty hard on her at times. My husband is one who feels that men are much better than women, and the women need to do what they are told.
Manic,
My T also said she wishes he would come in and talk. She also thinks he could benefit from some medication. He refuses to go in, because as he tells me he is doing nothing wrong, that if I would do as he says there would be no problem.
I have been thinking alot about leaving, but I was brought up that once you make the commitment of marriage, you stay in it. My kids are also very afraid of us divorcing, they want us together. I know most of the time he doesn't treat me in a very loving way, but I believe deep down that he does love me in his own way.

[sabby]

Trying....I know its a confusing time for you right now. You feel the responsibilities towards your marriage and your family. I will not try to sway you one way or another, but plead with you to be careful. What you are explaining is that your husband is not a man who can be trusted, he is manipulative and abusive. There is no way around it and if he doesn't accept his role in his abuse and get help, he will never change....he may only get worse.

I don't know how old your children are, but what are they learning from your husband about life and how to treat other individuals? Are they learning that women don't matter. If you have a son, will he grow to be like his father, demeaning, mean, demanding etc? Will your daughter, learn that her life means nothing, that her thoughts mean nothing...will she live a life like yours, in fear and feeling like she is nothing, becoming depressed? These are questions that only you can answer and they should be thought about. Children never want their parents to divorce...but children don't always know or understand what choices are best for them either.

Please understand that I recognize myself in your posts and that is why I am responding to you the way I am. I understand that it is a horribly difficult position to be in and I haven't walked in your shoes, nor do I have a right to tell you what to do. I would say that if your T thinks its a good idea for you to leave your marriage, then I say you are not in a good place right now.

I would be happy to give you some information if you would like regarding abusive/controlling partners. In the meantime, please stay safe and take good care. My prayers are with you and your family.

J

[TryingToCope]

Today he was so nice. Everytime he goes through one of his nice cycles, I get my hopes up that this is it, he really is changing. I hope so much that it will last. During these times it's even harder to think about leaving.

I have a 12 year old son and a 10 year old daughter. I know it's affecting them. My son already thinks men are better than women. Last week he threatend to hit me. He told me no women was going to tell him what to do. That if I didn't stay out of his buisness he would kill me. He did apologize for that when he came home from school. My T also works with my daughter, and my daughter has told her that boys are smarter than girls. She gets so upset with the way her daddy hollers at her, and how everything is supposed to be perfect, but she loves him and doesn't want to be without him.

I would appreciate any information you could give me. Thank you for taking the time to respond. hugs

[sabby]

Here are a couple of websites to visit. Take your time and read through them....I'm sure you will find a lot of things that pertain to your relationship with your husband.

http://www.abusedadultresourcecenter.com/selfassess.htm

http://www.health24.com/sex/Abuse/1253-1272,18386.asp

http://www.howtospotadangerousman.co...FQJjSgodEA5XEA

http://www.lilaclane.com/relationships/emotional-abuse/

I hope you find something in these sites that you connect with and some ideas on how to handle situations.

I wish you all the best Trying, and if you ever need anything, please pm me and I'll do whatever I can to help you.

Hugssssssss
J