[depressedgirl]

I just have to tell someone this,cause I can't keep it in anymore.I have to tell someone my life story of being abused.It started when I was about 5 years old.When I was little,I used to LOVE going to my gramma's house (like most little kids do).It was just fun there,my cousin lived there and he was around 16 or 17 years old,and meand my brother used to go there every weekend.Well,one weekend,I was outside,blowing homemade soap bubbles and my cousin (Michael) came out there and started playing with the bubbles with me.After a few minutes,he asked if I wanted to take a walk with him and I said sure.We was walking in the woods,then he took his clothes off and forced me to do it.He said we were just going to play a little game but,then he made me do that.I didn't know what he was doing until I got older.And I never told anyone because they probably wouldn't believe me.And then a few years later,when I was,I think I was 11 years old,my parents made me see a psychiatrist because I started feeling depressed and crying all the time and cutting.The first day I went in there,at first,the Pdoc was really nice.He asked me about school and home.Then he asked me why I was here and im told him how I was feeling.He said he knew had something that could make me feel better.I thought he was just gonna give me some meds or something,but,he didn't.He pushed me on the small couch in his office and made me do it with him.I told my mom,but,she didn't believe me.The a year later,my parents started arguing alot,and doing drugs and drinking.When they were sober and off drugs they were ok,(which wasn't very often),but,when they were drunk and high,they got out of control.They started arguing more and yelling and cussing at me and hitting me,and my dad made me have sex with him almost every night.My mom would just sit there.She wouldn't even try to stop him.Sometimes,she would even join him.Then they got put in jail for abusing me.But,they were only in there for 4 months.My dad doesn'y sexually abuse me anymore.He does it once every few months,but,not like he used to.My mom and dad split up the day after christmas this past year and my dad cusses at me,my brother,and my sisters alot.My mom lives in another state now and im feeling more depressed than ever.My bi-polar meds have stopped working,im cutting again and I just feel bad all the time.Ive tried to kill myself a few times too.Ive even gotten put in the psych ward a few times for attempting suicide and cutting.I even keep asking my dad to take me to the doctor,but,he wont.Im too scared to go to another Pdoc again cause im afraid he'll rape me like the last one did.I

[Rapunzel]

I wish that there were something I could do to help you. I'm in disbelief that you were sent back to live with your father again after what he did and is still doing. Even if not as often, it is still as bad. I hope that you report it so that you can get some help. You can tell a teacher you trust, or a school counselor. Ask them to get you some help. Also, when anyone is abusing you, you can call 911 or call child protective services yourself. I hope that the Pdoc who abused you was reported. It is rare for helping professionals to do something bad like he did. How about if you insist on a female counselor or Pdoc? Would that be better?

There is just so little that we can do online to really help someone in your situation. You need to get help IRL, and you're going to have to speak up for yourself and ask someone who will make sure that you get the help you need.

[InACorner]

i am so sorry for what you had and have to go through (((((((hugs if its ok with you)))))))))) My heart goes out to you. I agree with Rap, maybe there is someone you could talk to like a counciler or something. What if you called social services? They might be able to help. Call the police or tell a neighbor. You definitely need to get out of the environment that your in right now. How old are you. that may play a good factor in things you can do, places you can go. Try talking to a priest...or someone like that...even if you arent religious i bet they can help. I know they try to do as much as they can. Good luck, my prayers are with you. PM me anytime you want.

[depressedgirl]

Well,Im 14.I didnt go to school today cause I was too depressed to even get out of bed,but,since my dad doesn't believe me when I tell him im feeling depressed,I lied to him and told him I had a really bad migrane.When my dad went to his friends house this morning,I got up and walked for 3 hours to the doctor's office.My doctor said said I shouldn't have walked walked that far by myself,but,I told him why I did and he seemed to understand.He didn't even call my dad,he just stayed and talked to me for awile.I got in trouble when I got home though,and now im grounded from the phone for 2 months.

[(JD)]

I'm supposing that you haven't really shared with the doctor whom you saw...please call his after hours service and get the immediate help/relief you need.

[InACorner]

if he talked to you...did you tell him everything? did he give good advice? Maybe he could help you getting out of what you are in...
I am really worried about your way of living...and who you have to live with...i lived with monsters and im barely hanging onto survival...the only thing ive got going for me is that im away from them and there is a way out of their hell that they created....
good luck

[depressedgirl]

I told him most of the things ive been through.I didnt tell him the really horrible stuff though.I just dont know what to do anymore.Im only 14 and im already about to give up on life alltogether.Im gonna go to the school nurse tommorrow and tell her whats going on and she what she can do.If she wont try to help me then im tempted to just give up trying alltogether.Im tired of everything in my life turning into HELL.

[InACorner]

thats a great step...except dont EVER give up...if i did that i would have been dead by now and missed out on my bf and a wonderful life without them and with him dont ever give up...good luck your in my prayers

[biiv]

hi depressedgirl,
im so sorry for everything you have gone and are going through. everyone has already given you very good advice so all i can do is repeat that it is so very worth it to keep reaching out. you did the right thing telling the doctor. can you ring him again? please make sure he knows that your dad is likely to hurt you again. also as already suggested you can call child protective services or 911.
i really hope things went well with the school nurse. do you have a counsellor at the school that you could see? please please keep talking to people about this. most of the people in this world are NOT like the people who have hurt you. they care and are pained themselves when they see someone going through the hurt you are going through. they genuinely have good intentions and want to and CAN help. its just a matter of talking to the right people. it will amaze you the difference it will make to just get out of that house and you WILL get out. hold on to that idea of you, safe and loved and away from this monstrous situation and you will get there.

keep talking and hold on.

biiv

[JustAPixie]

Just the fact that you are here, talking about it, says a lot about your character!!! You must be really strong to live through all that... You have come so far, don't give up now. I know that your teenage years seems neverending, but you will grow up, and you will be able to start a life of your own some day... You will be able to make your own choices... If nothing else, hold on to the fact that someday you will...

[summerflower]

nobody had a right to do what they've done to you and nobody has that right now.

14 is a powerful, powerful age! years ago i worked with abused children, was their advocate/big sister kind of thing. an officer.

if you can't get to school, as soon as that s.o.b. (so-called dad) leaves the house, you dial 911.

give your name & address 1st, say it slow.

the 911 officer will ask "what is your emergency?"

simply tell them, "my dad is sexually abusing me, and has been for a long time!"

the 911 officer is required by law to send the police to your house immediately!

if you think the police coming to your house would cause you more uncomfort. TELL the 911 officer that you need to meet the police down the street.
TELL 911 what you're wearing, what you look like, heigth.

THIS is YOUR life sweetie, you must step up and claim the strong & powerful young lady that you are.

"NOBODY will ever abuse me again!!!!" i still say /scream that sometimes.

please let us know that you will remove yourself from that home. i know its hard.....but you must.

my heart weeps for you, dear. please let the authorities help you. my thoughts & prayers are with you.

[JustAPixie]

That is great advice summerflower!!!

[summerflower]

thanks pixie. somehow she must be removed from that home. my heart breaks for her, and physically i can't go kick his as[.

power of prayers. i sense she has a ton of support from the board.

summer~

[depressedgirl]

Thanks everyone for caring.Im trying to figure all this stuff out,and its sooo hard when u don't know whether ur dad is done abusing u,or,if he's going to start again any minute.I would like to kick his @#$ too flower,but,Im too scared to.Im trying to decide what to do.

[summerflower]

ok sweetie,

wanna soda, and sit for a few minutes. tell me what is keeping you from picking up that phone?

does the thought of turning him in cause you fear? that feeling is normal. however, you no longer need to be afrraid of him. YOU are taking charge of YOU and YOUR life and he can no longer sexually abuse you.
You will be in a safe place far from him.

does he go to work?
are you back in school?

if you are at school. request to use the office phone for an emergency and dial 911.

tell 911 where you are and why you are calling. request a patrol car come to the school immediately.

you can even ask to speak with a female officer if that will make you more comfortable.

remember, you are NOT in trouble. this is NOT your fault.
honey, i wish i could take care of this for you, but i can't. what i can do is tell you to get yourself out of that house.

when i was a young girl my mom was an advocate for abused women & children.....she would pick them up and bring them to our home where the officer would conduct an interview.

is there anything i can do to help you? is there anybody you can tell in school. or a friend to be with you when you make the 911 call. you don't have to do it alone, BUT you have to save yourself. use a friends cell phone if you don't have one of your own.

he is a sick sick sick s.o.b. and he needs to take responsibility for his actions.

you have my prayers. lets get you safe ok. will you do that?
(((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[depressedgirl]

My dad doesn't work,but,im back in school.I could try to use the office phone,but,they would ask what I wanted to use it for and I don't want everyone to know.I have a question.If someone like,touches you like in different places then they stop,is that molesting?Cause,im notreally sure,cause that happenned last night.I try to tell my friends wats going on cause they know something is wrong with me but,I told them and they don't believe me.Everytime my friends are around,my dad is nice but,when they're gone he's not.How could someone NOT believe you when u tell them something that serious.I JUST DOESNT MAKE SENSE.You know what,I don't care if noone believes me,that STUPID SON-OF-A @#$%^ IS GONNA PAY.I probably won't be on for awile,im gonna see what I can do.My sister might get on some though and fill u in.thanks.

[Calm]

Dear depressedgirl,

Please heed the advice summerflower offered to you. You do have a voice now. You can use that voice to finally say, better yet, yell NO, NO MORE. Don't stop if at first someone doesn't hear and act on what you tell them about your situation. Keep reaching out.

Calm

[depressedgirl]

Hi,this is Katie's (depressedgirl's) sister Lisa.I just thought I should inform everyone that Katie is now in a temporary foster home.I don't know when she'll be on again.In ways she is doing good and in ways she isn't.She is finally away from our dad,but,she is in a home where she doesn't know anyone and she is having a hard time with it.She hardly talks to anyone and she's not eating.I finally got her to talk to me this morning.She told me there is a computer at the foster home,but,each kid is only on for 30 min a day except for homework purposes,so,she'll get to get on here some but not alot.Im glad she finally got away from our dad.She told me she has a doctor appointment monday to get back on her meds,and im trying to persuade her to see a psychiatrist,but,I don't know if she will or not.Well,i gtg.bye.

[Calm]

Hi Lisa,

Thank you for updating us on your sister's situation. Hopefully, this change will be a good start for her in her healing process. Considering what she has been through, her difficulty in adjusting to her new environment is understandable. Let's hope she will find some peace of mind and comfort soon.

Please let her know we wish her the very best. Take care of yourself, too. I'm sure your support means much to her.

Calm <font color="blue"> </font>

[depressedgirl]

Hi,this is Katie (depressedgirl).There is a computer here,but,since there are 5 kids here (including me),were only allowed on here for 30 min on weekdays and an hour on weekends,unless its for homework,so,I can probably get on here some everyday,but,not as much as I did.Everyone is trying to get me to talk to them,but,im not ready yet.They expect me to just act happy and im not.Well,I mean im happy that im away from my dad,but,im not happy that i'll probably have to be going back and forth to different homes for the next 4 years.My new foster mom is always acting so cheerful too and trying to get me to smile and talk to her,but,im just not ready to talk to anyone yet and noone seems to understand that.She also told me that she's getting worried about me cause im not eating.I don't want to eat,thats my choice if I want to or not.I just have a mix of feelings right now.Im happy that im away from my dad,but im upset because im around people I dont even know,and even when I do get to know them,ill probably have to move,cause when I got put in this home,they told me it was only temporary,till they can find somewhere else for me to live.Im just soooo out of my mind.

Katie, i used to work in the system, i understand your frustrations. BUT, you made the first step to get your life back and i really am proud of you for that.

Foster homes aren't easy, but as you said, you're away from your dad. what has been done to you is criminal and i hope he pays big time.

i am so relieved that you're safe now and even though you will probably have to move, you may just find a really good fit with a foster family and not have to move again...........xoxoxo pat

[Numbers]

(((Katie)))

[depressedgirl]

Thank you everyone for caring enough to give me good advice and support.If it werent for yall,(and the police),I would still be living with my STUPID SON OF A B@#&H "SO CALLED" "FATHER".Ive learned something through all this.Anyone can call themself a mother or father,but,it takes love and kindness and discipline to have a mom and dad.Does that make since to yall?It does to me.
Well,Im still not ready to talk to my foster family yet,but,my foster parents seem to understand that now,cause,they havent been pushing me to talk.They said ill talk when im ready.Im still not eating though.The only places I go is home and back to my room at "home",(and the computer).Well, anyway i gtg.bye.

[cajun]

Saying a special prayer for you. Took a lot of courage to say what you said. Please seek medical advice immediately.
Many Hugs, Cajun