[dandylin]

I know that I don't post here often, but every once in a while I just need to whine.

So, my husband is in the hospital because of congestive heart failure and a triple bypass. He came home for a day and went back in after suffering a mild stroke. I have no contact with my brothers and sisters (4 brothers, 2 sisters) My sister, a nurse, writes me asking what's wrong with my husband and I write back telling her hoping she might offer some advice or offer to help decipher doctor talk. Nope. She says "well, I hope he continues to improve"

I feel like I got myself caught in the old passive/aggressive family trap. It's like throw a line with bait attached, I nibble at it and she yanks the hook out of the water and walks away. And I walk away feeling like an idiot for nibbling at the bait.

I swear, I will not walk into that again

[sideblinded]

dandylin, family can be a blessing or a curse it seems. I am sorry that your sister is like that. I always wished I had a sister. I have a brother who discarded me like a piece of trash. He kicked me out of his life. I know the anguish that can come from people who we think should be close to us but they don't seem to understand love. You can't change your family but you can change your perspective. I will send you a basket of blessings and hugs.

[Buttercup40]

Families - I've never had a happy family, my sister is a vampire constantly draining the blood out of me, we don't speak due to emotional abuse I suffered growing up.
All I want is for them to accept their blame but they refuse to.
You can choose your friends but not your family.

[dorkygirl0609]

I have never had a connection with my family. I always felt I was the black sheep. My mom use to drill the idea that "family is all that you have". Now that I am older and I see how emotionally abusive my so called family is, I recognized that my family was my curse and they were the root of my unhappiness. I made the decision to have zero contact with them and it was the best decision I have ever made.

[Purple Heart]

Hi dorkygirl

When I read your posting it was like I was reading my own. I'm the black sheep too and do not connect with anyone in the family, never have. I understand your going 'no contact', I have contemplated that but I'm not sure I can go the whole way. Instead I have minimum contact. I wonder why I should as they were so abusive including csa. I had major depression for ten years last decade and in hindsight it was due to the csa and other abuses. They never cared that I was depressed either. One day either in this life time or the one thereafter, they will find out how horribly they treated me.

PH

well done for stepping away. hugs.

[Lovable Nut]

I too am a black sheep. I recently realized that a major component to my healing and sanity is to maintain a "no contact" rule. It has to be done. The difficult aspect is there are so many siblings and nieces and nephews. I have to give up the wish...it's never going to be; too much pathology with primitive behaviors. It is a serious loss for me because that's all I ever wanted. It was a fantasy. I cannot control my dreams and lately these creatures dominate them. My heart is broken and so begins the mourning. The silver lining is that I can "save myself". I'm not sinking with that ship. They are in denial, anger and blaming states. Very sad to see them repeat the patterns of the parents as it trickles down to their children. The thing I have trouble with is why their lack of "approval" effects me. The little kid in me wants to be accepted by them...she never was and never will be. I need to see that a a very good thing. I'm working on it.

[dandylin]

Originally Posted by Lovable Nut

I too am a black sheep. I recently realized that a major component to my healing and sanity is to maintain a "no contact" rule. It has to be done. The difficult aspect is there are so many siblings and nieces and nephews. I have to give up the wish...it's never going to be; too much pathology with primitive behaviors. It is a serious loss for me because that's all I ever wanted. It was a fantasy. I cannot control my dreams and lately these creatures dominate them. My heart is broken and so begins the mourning. The silver lining is that I can "save myself". I'm not sinking with that ship. They are in denial, anger and blaming states. Very sad to see them repeat the patterns of the parents as it trickles down to their children. The thing I have trouble with is why their lack of "approval" effects me. The little kid in me wants to be accepted by them...she never was and never will be. I need to see that a a very good thing. I'm working on it.

You sound so much like me. What a horrible loss and the approval thing is getting better. My solution is to not stick my toe in that pool...ever

[Lovable Nut]

Originally Posted by dandylin

You sound so much like me. What a horrible loss and the approval thing is getting better. My solution is to not stick my toe in that pool...ever

Nice to know others understand what this feels like. Regarding the approval thing, my T is the one who is helping me put it all into perspective. I could not be doing this without his help. I was too entrenched in the pathology. I see it now in a clear, healthy light. The really scary part is, I thought my family was normal. It never felt "good", but it's all I knew. When I share with my therapist, sometimes he just closes his eyes and shakes his head ever so slightly.

[Purple Heart]

Originally Posted by Lovable Nut

I too am a black sheep. I recently realized that a major component to my healing and sanity is to maintain a "no contact" rule. It has to be done. The difficult aspect is there are so many siblings and nieces and nephews. I have to give up the wish...it's never going to be; too much pathology with primitive behaviors. It is a serious loss for me because that's all I ever wanted. It was a fantasy. I cannot control my dreams and lately these creatures dominate them. My heart is broken and so begins the mourning. The silver lining is that I can "save myself". I'm not sinking with that ship. They are in denial, anger and blaming states. Very sad to see them repeat the patterns of the parents as it trickles down to their children. The thing I have trouble with is why their lack of "approval" effects me. The little kid in me wants to be accepted by them...she never was and never will be. I need to see that a a very good thing. I'm working on it.

Hi lovable nut

My story is similar to yours except I guess I've gone for low contact. It is sad also with my family that they are not interested in psychology or personal growth. My mother is the problem but everybody thinks she is wonderful even without fault! So everybody largely ignores me as I think they see me as the problem, nothing to do with the family. But I want to be part of a family since I feel very isolated. I too crave to be approved of but I know that won't happen.

PH

[KEB1990]

Boy can I relate to this.My older sister is awful to me. Mean, controlling you name it. My dad is the only one I feel I got now. Mom passed in Jan. All her side and most of my dad's seem to disslike me for some reason. My sister has told them things that aren't true. Sometimes its just better to cut them out. I know it hurts but its better to be alone and content then be around people who put you down . Hope your hubby gets better