Are there any men that haven't...?

This is a triggering subject. Are there any men who haven't molested someone? Crazy question, right? It just seems like a large portion of men in my life seemed capable of it. I remember avoiding men or boys at every turn when I was a child, because my instincts told me they were dangerous sexually, especially with the strange way they looked at me or tried to get me alone. I have never engaged in any sexual actions in embarrassing or questionable circumstances with another person, such as with a childhood friend or relative. However, when I really get to know others, I feel like I'm in the 1% of people who haven't. I may be partly asexual. Yet I was still molested by a man I couldn't get away from.

I just want to know... Are there any men out there who have never received sexual gratification from another person against their will, which includes everything from touching to more? I just realized that maybe it's possible for this to be untrue?

I'd really like to know. I also have a hard time believing when someone thinks their male friend, relative, acquaintance, etc, have never molested anyone. From my own experience, it seems that even the most trustworthy men do it. I'm not trying to define a gender, but I'm just putting two and two together. It's just that so many women I know have been molested once they talk about it, and I feel like there'd be a lot more if some more women and men admitted it happened.

I feel that sexual abuse is a very, very unfair trade. The girl, woman, man, or boy has a traumatic event to live with while the sexual abuser gets a very short moment of gratification that they'll probably forget about. Are people really that selfish if they can get away with something?

I've wondered the same thing. I know of several molesters from my church. (Not catholic)
It makes it hard to trust any man when the ones you thought were good turned out not to be.

There are female molesters too. You don't know who you can trust these days.

Sometimes I ask myself are there any good people on the planet as it seems sometimes I attract so much dysfunction. But in the end, I do believe there are good people who don't abuse, including men.

I have wondered that my self at times, but I too, believe there are good people out there, there has to be. We just have to find them.

My therapist has always said many are in therapy. Well what are we do do, ask everyone if they are in therapy? lol Well at least would know they were trying. lol

Don't suppose it would work to have them all carry a sign saying if they've molested anyone or not, would it? Naw, didn't think so...

I agree it is hard to know who to trust anymore... I haven't been close to any male in 10 years and have no intention of changing that any time soon... As much as I loathe stereotyping groups of people, there just isn't a male that I would trust enough to be close to... And it's sad because I KNOW there are good men out there... My best friend has been married for over 35 years to a wonderful man... Another friend, over 25 years... But I sometimes think they got the last two good ones...

Hi breezy day . I have never molested anyone sorry you have only been around men that will . A big part of the experience for me is knowing that the woman is enjoying herself as much as I am,, and forcing would ruin that. I know I am not alone on this

Despite the number of people I was molested by when I was younger I firmly believe there are people that will not do something like that. I believe they are few and far between but they do exist.

Years ago I had a very close friend. I knew he wanted to sleep with me but I didn't feel the same way. He never pushed the issue even when I was blackout drunk around him. He's one of the few people in my life that I could trust unequivocally. He's since gotten married and his wife hates me with a passion so we rarely talk anymore.

I have an exe that I also could not see being an abuser in anyway. We could be in the middle of doing something and if I freaked and said stop or no then without a second of hesitation he stopped and all he cared about was if I was ok.

There are plenty of good guys if you look but plenty of bad people too.

i'm sorry you had so many bad experiences that you distrust so many people... it can be really hard when so many people we trust betray us.

While I've had and heard about a bunch of really crappy experiences, I still have heard of and know other wonderful people who would never think of harming another in that way.

ssending <3 & to all

I'm so sorry your experience with men has been so negative and abusive.

You know an estimate says that 90% of sexual offenders are men. Their victims overwhelmingly are women and a small minority of them are men. 95 to 99% of pedophiles are men.
90% of criminals in jail, world over, are men.

But just because 90% of offenders are men, doesn't mean, 90% of men are offenders.

Majority of men are decent. I know you think that you cannot tell whether a man is decent or an offender by interacting with him on a daily basis. But there are many generalizations that hold true. Most criminals who commit crime have Narcissistic personality disorder or anti-social personality disorder. They generally have some personality disorder or other.

A psychologist once described that sexually abusive people are the ultimate narcissist who are just focused on their needs.

I know it may seem like men are assholes, but let me assure, all of them are not. A minority of men are assholes, just like a minority of women are assholes...their degree of assholeness may vary. You've had bad experiences in past. Maybe it's clouding your judgement. Or maybe jerks are constantly lookout for vulnerable targets and when your experience (esp childhood experience) with men has been abusive, it makes you a vulnerable target. Same reason, why women who've had physically abusive fathers may end up marrying a physically abusive guy. Subconsciously, there is a familiarity to the abusive environment.

While this is not true 100% of time, there is a some truth to it.

I grew up in a family of narcissists (because they grew up in a family of narcissists) and I seem to attract friends who are narcissists and end up using me. I am a vulnerable target to them and subconsciously, narcissists are good at picking people who'd get into a narcissistic-dance with them. 90% of communication is non-verbal.

So how can it change? With healing. By working on your trauma and coming out of it. And that's a slow process and requires a lot of work.

I sincerely hope you are working with a therapist. If not, please take your time and find a therapist you are comfortable working with. You cannot keep yourself in a prison of solitude because of past experience. Don't let history taint your future.

Yes, so true. lol How are you ToFu?

I really have to agree that those who were formerly abused are more vulnerable to it happening again. I think I personally have a subconsciously-based self-degrading way of speaking and acting, plus a spoken worldview which sounds more like a fantasy than cold, hard reality, that may draw in the wrong people. The way I talk about everything is always "gentle," mostly because I avoid conflict in conversations. This is probably because of past experiences of walking on eggshells with certain people. Since most communication is nonverbal, then the way I act physically is probably the biggest indicator that I'm an "easy target." I'm sure what I said about myself holds true for others.

I have trouble trusting both men and women, and not really one over the other, but I really did want to hear some thoughts on this, since statistics show most sexual abusers happen to be men. I agree with you, cluelessgal, that offenders don't make up the majority of the population. It's important to remember that.

Thank you all for your thoughts and examples.

Good to know I'm not the only one with the same thoughts. The statistics are quite horrible though, it's not all in your head. I hated the boys I was growing up with, and for good reasons. There was quite a lot of bullying with sexual undertones when I was a teenager, at school, and none of it was ever addressed by any grown-ups.

Honestly, I think it partly has to do with where you live. I moved out of state a year ago, and the place I was before had a LOT of bad people. The mentality where I live now is completely different. I was in two abusive relationships before I moved, and so many people I knew there had horror stories similar to mine. I don't know why, but it might have just been less ridiculed there. Now, I'm not saying that some places didn't have bad people. They're everywhere. But I think some places just have noticeably more of them.

In my perception, most abusers have multiple victims, so there can be a lot of victims on account of a smaller number of abusers. Also, abusers tend to be grouped together socially, as they are drawn to others who will approve (and only abusers approve of abusers), as well as because families can be affected generationally to the point that a large percentage of a family tree is abusers. In many cases of child abuse (of all kinds) there are telltale signs that people ignore, and once people ignore something like that, they become guilty in their own right and are more likely to sympathize with and thus become abusers, themselves, with the starting point of saving their own hides and not wanting to face their own guilt. For all of these reasons combined, if someone is victimized by an abuser, it is very likely that they grew up around multiple abusers and many other victims.

I hear you.
I was completely surprised to hear that my husband had never hurt someone that way. I just figured ALL men do it.