[bipolarlady]

I am 41 years old and all my life my mother has been abusive towards me, emotionally. I am so sick and tired of her and I don't quite know how to deal with her anymore. She is 61, a widow (father died 9 years ago) and she has repeatedly emotionally abused me and my 3 brothers - we are all adults and we all have mental health problems because of her.

So I want to say........Dear Mum
Please, please leave me alone and my precious family. You have never showed me affection, told me you loved me and have critised my whole being. You nearly broke my marriage several times but we are still strong together, nothing will break us apart. You have been jealous of our marriage, acted like a child with my children and ruined my brothers lives. I know you were terribly abused by your father, for that I am very sad, but you never sought help for your demons about him, I tried to help you so much with this from such a young age - the roles were reversed. I have been your mother in actual fact. But you still carry on oblivious to the pain you have caused us.

I am sick and tired of getting stressed and upset over you, I am getting stronger day by day. You can't hurt me anymore, you are going to have to keep your distance from me from now on. Whenever I have had traumas or problems in my life I have always turned to you and that was a big mistake. You see, you thrive on pain and hurt because it makes your problems feel better. I think you are extremely unhappy. My counsellor said I have been treated like a puppy dog by you and enough is enough.

I am pulling away from you. Its going to be a long road for me and for you but you have to understand that I have to do this for the sake of my sanity. So, goodbye mum, don't give me any more pain.

well.........I havent sent this to her but its been good therapy typing it.....oh there is a million more things about the damage she has done but it would take me to write a whole book on it!

Anyway, thanks for listening

[bipolarlady]

Forgot to add - I have Bipolar, my elder brother has severe depression and PTSD, middle brother is cut off from any emotion and youngest brother is a drug dealer/taken hard drugs/anger issues. So that's the damage basically.

Trouble is she will get them all on side if I cause her an upset, then they don't call or text me or anything. They are brainwashed, I refuse to be anymore.

I just hope one day my brothers will come to me and we can have some sort of brother/sister relationship.

[masso1]

Hi there Im new to this site, but I trully understand what your feeling. It does fell good to empty out those words that have been there even if you dont get to send it. My prayers are with you and be proud of who you are. At least you see the damage the relationship has upon you, alot dont see it. Your family is first!!!!! Blessing to you!!!!!

Bipolarlady, A friend emailed me today about her mother and sent this "Thought for the day" with it...I found it really appropriate for how we feel inside at times..

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I left because there was no room for me. But you could tell me not to go. Say it to me. Tell me not to go.
--Stephen Sondheim
Sunday in the Park with George

To leave someone we love is to knowingly break a vital connection. Even if we chose to leave, we wonder why it often hurts so much. But the heart isn't logical; it feels the trauma of the loss and the responsibility of being the one to say good-bye.

Love is a process; it doesn't end because we say good-bye. No matter how painful or harmful a relationship was, there were good things about it, just as there were lovable things about the other person. The challenge is to accept with grace the choice we've made and to forgive whatever hurt we've received. We can refuse to indulge in self-righteousness or indignation. Those feelings are born out of the illusion of power that comes with being the one who leaves. Most of all, we can grieve the loss and then let go of the person we loved so that we can heal.

I have to break some relationships because it is healthier for my recovery. Still, I can hurt and grieve over the loss of those relationships.

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((((((((bipolarlady))))))))

I know its so hard to disconnect from family. I wish you good thoughts and healing.

[bipolarlady]

Thanks so much everyone for your kind words of wisdom and understanding.

[mistyberkowitz]

Bipolarlady, you could be me...my heart goes out to you...I have HAD IT with my anxiety producing mother and her emotional abuse. Just because someone has the title of Mother shouldn't allow them to abuse you. I try to surround myself with people who are loving and supportive these days.

Take Care, not everyone is like your Mother...

[DePressMe]

I walked away from my father…it was a tough thing to do. I had 2 brothers who stayed with him and they acted like I was the one who committed the crime—it was all my fault. But, years later, my older brother and I are best friends. We have both separated ourselves from the madness of our family. Matter of fact, now, both of us are rather well adjusted and successful adults. It was hard to leave all the crap behind, but in the past is where it belongs.

[Fuzzybear]

Your mother sounds so much like a family member I have/had. Wishing you healing!
(((((((((((((((( bipolarlady ))))))))))))))))