Why unloved daughters are susceptible to narcissists

I've read this article at least three times and like it so much, I thought I'd start a discussion here. Its from a psych central author, Peg Streep. I've tried to read her book mean mothers. It was very difficult, as you can imagine if you know my story. Nevertheless, she is a good writer.

Here is a link to the article.

Why Unloved Daughters Fall for Narcissists | Knotted: The Mother-Daughter Relationship

Here's a quote

I don't know if any of you have taken the personality test where you see your attachment style, but I highly recommend it.

Can any of you relate to this article or this post?

I know for myself I met my ex husband when I was just 20 and although I get along with him now that was the result of divorcing him, and getting professional help for myself. I had c-ptsd by the time my marriage was over as the result of my childhood.

I definitely don't want to make the same mistake twice which is why I'm reading as much as I can now about narcissism and delving deep into my past.

I am fearful avoidant and the description is spot on. Interesting read....thanks for sharing!

You're welcome, have you tracked your personality over time?

Very interesting, thank you for sharing. I've done quite a lot of reading about narcissism after figuring out that my father is a N a few years ago but I haven't come across the attachment styles. Where can I find more information on this and maybe do the test you mentioned?

I was unloved by my father, only because he was lost in his own MI and died. I am loved by my mother, who is pretty darn narcissistic (would never see a doctor). Even though she loves me, if I disappoint her, she will disown me and never speak to me again. Now that she's 80, I think we've finally gotten past that by me just ignoring her wrath and acting like she isn't mad and she will drop it eventually.

And my h is pretty narcissistic and has put me through hell to the point of now I have PTSD over having sex.

Yes, I relate.

"That said, even with the initial charm, securely attached women are more likely to catch on more quickly to what makes the narcissist tick. They distinguish between strength and braggadocio, stability and control, [I]because they trust their own judgment, are comfortable with close connections, and know what a healthy relationship looks like. This just isn’t true of the insecurely attached daughter whose own emotional needs weren’t met in childhood and who doesn’t have that inner base that helps her see the difference between a solid guy with good intentions and a man who’s only in it for his own needs."

Can we talk about this?

There is actually a book about attachment styles, https://www.amazon.com/Attached-Scie.../dp/1585429139

I checked it out of the library.

and here is the link to the quiz,

Login | Your Personality

If you enter attachment styles into your search engine, it will bring up a wealth of information, that's the phrase.

Go ahead, what would you like to say?

The article was very much some of my issues and my relationship with my mother.

But there are so many sides to the coin. Yes, she is all about control and I learned to not trust my own judgment, but there are so many layers to that. I could talk about this for a year!

Even the 'guys with good intentions' vs. 'out for their own gain' is all shades of gray. Nobody is black or white. Do you know what I mean?

It's hard to explain what I am trying to say:

"That said, even with the initial charm, securely attached women are more likely to catch on more quickly to what makes the narcissist tick. They distinguish between strength and braggadocio, stability and control, because they trust their own judgment, are comfortable with close connections, and know what a healthy relationship looks like. This just isn’t true of the insecurely attached daughter whose own emotional needs weren’t met in childhood and who doesn’t have that inner base that helps her see the difference between a solid guy with good intentions and a man who’s only in it for his own needs."

Regarding this^^

I was not unloved. I am loved by a controlling narcissistic mother who taught me to view the world her way. The thing is, she is not wrong! And, of course, her love is conditional if I please her.

I am hyper vigilant an figuring people out, but never see them as all good or all bad. They are all good and bad. This sometimes leads me to problems because I give way too much credit to people who don't deserve it. And I probably don't trust the people who deserve to be trusted.

Not really, a narcissist is a narcissist . There are no shades of grey there.