Pain, trigger

I am in so much pain right now I don't know how to stop it. seems like the old memories are a floating and I just cut, want more. Sounds sick and I don't like to discuss it. i am in pain and I am anxious and I don't know what else to do. I want to do more but of course I don't. I think all I want is control. i am going through a rough spot in my life to say the least. I had big scalpels in the drawer and now I can only find one tiny one. Hubby? He didn't let on? I don't know what to do right now. It hurts. This tiny scalpel went about 1/2 inch deep for a puncture only. I want to heal. I want to be healthy.

{{{{{{{{{wisewoman}}}}}}}} try and write about it -- you can post it here or just delete it if that is what you need. I find writing helps me deal when I want to cut so much.

Love in Him,
Dalila

That's a suggestion I will take. It's been noticably hard for me to put words to things lately but I will committ to myself to write when it feels that way. A sense of being overwhelmed, rageful, anxious. I am surprised that I did it. Had been dry for a while till this weakend. Thanks for your support.

If you can't put words to it, try some other mode of expression. Maybe art work would help. That helps me when I can't give words to my pain. Coloring, drawing, clipping from magazines, whatever you can find some relief from.

I recently was able to delay a cutting episode by several days. I opened up a magazine and used a razor blade to cut out body parts. I chose body parts that expressed something to me. Maybe it sounds wierd, but cutting that skin gave some relief even if it wasn't as much as hurting my own self. And you can put the magazine on top of something, maybe a cutting board, so you can put a lot of pressure on the blade. That helps vent physically. If nothing else, it served as a distraction for me to keep me busy.

I also suggest you post this post on the self-injury board. I don't mean to say I have a problem with you posting it here. Not at all! So don't misunderstand me on that. I just say if you post about the urges on the si board, more people will generally reply because more have been there, have had the urges to cut.

I hope you're hanging in there! If you're hurting again, please feel free to post. We are all here for you!

(((((((((((((((((((((((((wisewoman))))))))))))))))) <------- only if ok

SweetCrusader

"Blessed be the cracked, for they let in the light"
-Author Unknown

Thanks for your post and your suggestions. I will try everything. I made a conscious decision not to cut again. I have the need to make things to recognize the lies I was told and the truth. I do not deserve to hurt or be hurt. I am good and I am good enough. I am beautiful and worthy of love and affection. I am a loving soul in the universe. My pain is not my shame. It belongs to those who tortured me. More as I can speak about it. Thanks