Tears of pain ...may trigger

I was 7 when my oldest brother began brutally r*ping and s*dimizing me...It went on until I was 15. I didn't tell anyone till I was 17. I still feel like it is happening to this day. When will things get better? Why? What did I do wrong? Was I not a good enough sister? I just don't understand? I just wish that when I close my eyes and open them that everything never had happen, that it was all just a bad dream. But it doesn't work out that way.

YES, by all means.... YOU were good enough and YOU deserved to be treated with great RESPECT from your older brother.

Please know that what your brother did was not about YOU (or any thing you did or did not do) - It was about him and his inner wounds, and nothing else, YOU did nothing wrong.

I was first sexually abused at the young tender age of 2 and it continued until I was 12, and always by males that were supposed to love, care and protect me - but never did. (all 4 of them).
And then as an adult (at age 30) the abuse returned to my life for about 2-3 years.... I have told no one about the abuse that took place in my adult life.... how could I - for I froze like a little child would and did nothing to stop it.

Then I started 10 long years of therapy.... to which I am glad that I did, for I am starting to blossom again, and LIFE & JOY will return.... soon, very soon.


LoVe,
Rhapsody - ((( hugs )))

Lindsay...Welcome to PC...



Sorry you had to endure such terrible abuse...and must continully fight the horrid emotional consequnces of it's effect..you are in my deepest thoughts Lindsay...

Take care.

Hi Lindsay,

So sorry this happened to you. It's not your fault and you didn't do anything wrong. It was him that didn't respect any boundaries.

Are you seeing anyone to help you through this? You shouldn't go through this on yuor own. Hoping healing comes your way... Do take care.

Lindsay welcome to PC. You did nothing wrong. Your brother did. I am sorry that it just wasn't a "bad dream". Maybe you could consider seeing a t about it. Sometimes it helps to talk about it to someone who understands irl. Also keep posting here if you like as you have found many who understand. Please take care of yourself.

I am sorry that this has happend to you. Like you I was sexually abused when I was about 6 and well it didn't last as long as yours did but I still have problems coping with it. I had blocked mine out completely until this recent year. When I uncovered it I felt really ashamed of myself and I still do sometimes when thinking about it. Please know that you are not alone on your feelings. I hope you talk with someone about this. It really does help to talk about your problems. *hugs* hang in there!

)))))))) ) ) Lindsay ((((((( ( ( Welcome to PC I am soooo sorry your brother made your life a living hell. You did nothing to deserve it. A similar thing happened to a friend.... she didn't get help til later in life and still struggles today, 40-50 years later. I think all of us would agree that if you don't already have a therapist to talk to, now would be a great time to hook up with one.

Look in the phone book under rape crisis center/hot line or battered women's shelter and ask them for references to a woman counselor/therapist/shrinks or maybe they have free groups where their offices are located that you could join.

My Dad was in my diapers. I know what it is to have no safe space to call your own. I found a group of women who had also been through incest made for a very safe space to talk about my own experience and to hear other women's sstories and really get it that We Did Not Do Anything To Deserve It.

Keep posting.

Hi Lindsay... I know your pain... I struggle with it myself.I am not entirely sure of details of the abuse I suffered from my brothers.. I have only a few memories... some of it I allowed.. went along with ...it was part of how we grew up....and I love them as much as I hate them too.

But you know.. when a person is abused.. it isn't because they weren't good enough NOT to be abused..it wasn't because we deserved it somehow as some form of punishment for not being good enough...

It is the ABUSER who owns it.. that person is the sick individual who acted upon his own sick thoughts .. inner demons...pains... whatever... but the fact will always be that it was NOT YOUR FAULT!

I hope you find this to be a safe place to talk and to allow your feelings to come out... stuffing it all within only makes it worse...lets it fester... i know. I have done it my whole life...

Peace, Faith

Thanks everyone for replying to my post. I just wish all the flashbacks and memories would stop. I just want a normal life. The fighter in me is slowly getting weaker. I have no more strength left... Just make it all go away

I am new too. Never posted to a board before - making all kinds of mistakes I'm sure but I just need to connect with people that have had similiar experiences.

I suffered severe physical abuse and sexual abuse in my childhood. I still feel the pain - I'm 50. I married a man that battered me - raped me bad enough to have to seek medical attention.
If anyone could lend a hand by telling me how to post, it would be greatly appreciated.
I have just recently figured out that "I am who I am - there is no normal".

Hello and welcome to Psych central. I am very glad that you are trying to get help for yourself, regarding the abuse. Sexual abuse is always the hardest thing to deal with emotionally, when sometimes all you can ask is why? Fortunately for everyone there is professional help for when the going gets to bad to take own our own, and talking to others that understnd helps as well as well as support groups for abuse survivors. I hope the best for you, take care sincerely Soidhonia

((((lindsay)))) ~tons of hugs for you and welcome~
((((Freewill))) ~welcome~

((((((( Lindsay ))))))

Stay strong and keep on fighting... you CAN beat this.