[SweetCrusader]

It seems like a LOT of us have had to shut off emotions in order to protect ourselves in one way or another. I think probably most of us have heard the phrase "I'll give you something to cry about" many times in our lives. I guess I'm just interested to hear what everyone has to say to these questions:

(1) How were emotions handled in your house? Were your parents comfortable with any emotions? Which emotions were ok to show, and which were not? What emotions did your parents show and hide?
(2) How has this affected how you cope with emotions today?
(3) If you are in tx, do you find it hard to work with emotions in therapy? Do you often not feel any emotion?

SweetCrusader

"Blessed be the cracked, for they let in the light"
-Author Unknown

[gloria]

I was sort of lucky during my childhood. It was ok to cry, or LOL, or just be dull. My father loved us but raised us based on fear of upsetting him. His approval was always important to me.

Now as an adult, well, you guys know about my marriage. I have a husband that is a master at crushing me. If I am happy; that is too happy for him, if I cry; he gets mad at me. If am I sad, that angers him too! I am not allowed to answer back to him without consequences, and if I express any type of emotion I put myself "at risk".

The safe way to go is going dead (emotion wise). He allows himself two states of mind, dull or angry. If I stay dull, most likely he'll do too, or if he explotes it won't be quite as bad as if I react to him with any, and I mean any type of emotion.

gab

[PlanningtoLive]

Emotions were not looked upon favorably in my home - I was always threatened with getting it more. My parents were, and still are, very antisocial. No one is allowed in their home, it is kind of like their fortress, emotion wise as well.

I used to be able to shut down for my emotions and feel nothing. That was good - no pain, no more stress. Until I started seeing my T and he forced me to FEEL things and to get into contact with all these things and now everything just goes haywire.

When I get stressed, I get stressed. All of a sudden I need meds and therapy - whereas before I was emotionless and drug-free. I try very hard not to feel anything, esp. lately.


<font color=blue>If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.~ Sam Levenson<font color=blue>

Yet again. I went to therapy and she told me that I'm not feeling anything. I truely don't know how to feel. If anyone know of any things to help you bring emotions back up .. pls help.

Thanks!

[gloria]

some times I watch a movie that is based on real life events. Have you seem Life is Beautiful? with Begnini.

If you are depressed don't watch it, but it is a movie that can move emotions even on a dead men.

gab

Unfortunately I don't even cry during movies. I'm totally frozen

[SweetCrusader]

My best advice for you would be not to force it. I still have trouble feeling a lot of emotions, and I think there is a reason for that. I'm not ready to handle them yet. It may be the same for you.

My T says "the psyche has a wisdom all its own." Her point is that when you're ready to deal with things, they come up naturally. When you're not, they remain repressed.

I'm curious: is your T pushing you to feel more, or is s/he simply commenting on the fact that you're not feeling much?

"Blessed be the cracked, for they let in the light"
-Author Unknown

I think shes been prodding me to feel. I think she is also trying to show me reasons why I'm not finished with therapy and maybe why my symptoms are getting worse. I dunno..

It has been frustrating though feeling like I need to get them to come up. but your advice sounds wise. I need to have peace that I will feel and remember what I need to in time.

Thanks!

[wisewoman]

It took a very long time for me to be able to feel and stay with it. It's okay. work on trust with your t and tell her that. Go at your own speed. You are doing great. Please just know that when we need to shut down and become frozen it is our way of saving our SELVES. It's okay and keep working.

[SweetCrusader]

See I had an experience about a month ago that I kind of relate to this for some reason. I saw a kid get hit and it suddenly triggered feelings about my own abuse that I hadn't felt in a long time- most prominently fear. When I got to therapy and started talking to my T about it, I started to feel fear which was a big first. But I kept shutting it off. My T told me to follow the fear, but when I tried I had a major meltdown (discussed in my post called "am I crazy?" I think). Anyway, she saw that I wasn't ready and that going through my fear at that point was not safe. It was going to do more damage to me. So she told me I didn't have to follow that feeling, and I didn't. It went away (and hasn't come back). She offered to either end the session or talk about something more safe- my choice.

I asked her why she did that later, and she said that she could see I was floundering. I wasn't ready. She said when it gets to a point where your T is pushing you to relive, to experience, to feel things you are not prepared for, then therapy becomes abusive- and it's her job to keep me safe. I was SOOOO glad then that I have the T that I have.She specializes in abuse and neglect, and she really knows what she's doing.

Maybe you just need to explain to your therapist that you may not be ready for everything. That doesn't mean you don't try to feel at all, it just means that when you're trying to feel and it keeps shutting off when you're trying, you may not be ready for it. She needs to accept that and help you through this on your time, not hers. Your own psyche and your own soul have the wisdom to know when that is.

I hope that helps.

((((((((((((((((((ethersvirtue))))))))))))))))

SweetCrusader

comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable

[SweetCrusader]

AMEN, wisewoman! You know, the more posts of yours that I read, the more appropriate your screen name seems for you!

SweetCrusader

comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable

[SeptemberMorn]

Sweety, when you repress one emotion, you repress all of them. It's not a selective process. If you keep doing it, they'll eventually come out, sometimes all at once. It won't take much, either, just like the straw that broke the camel's back.

For practically all my life, I repressed my emotions because it was my way of handling things. I couldn't handle the betrayal, pain, fear, abandonment, etc that the Old ***** had set in motion. You know what Dex said in my Grief thread about fear causing anger? That's how I dealt with almost everything in my life. I was being angry at things I didn't even need to be angry about.

I agree with Wisewoman and SweetCrusader about needing to take it slow, bit by bit and on your own time. But it's definetely not good to supress!! I still find myself doing it now and it's sure hard to handle!





<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

[SweetCrusader]

Ok I know I'm posting like crazy on this thread. Sorry to ethersvirtue if you're sick of hearing from me! lol

I agree with SeptemberMorn that you shouldn't force your feelings down. But feelings may not accessible to you, even if you aren't trying to force them down. My point wasn't that you should suppress, it was that you shouldn't try to force things (and that goes either way). It doesn't sound to me like you're suppressing feelings, ethersvirtue (I could be wrong). It sounds to me like you aren't feeling them by no (conscious) choice of your own. If so, that's a very different situation than just stifling your own feelings and running from them.

I disagree that when you suppress one emotion, you suppress them all, though. I have suppressed (and I do mean suppressed- as in intentionally forced down) certain emotions and not others a lot in my life. I've also had trouble feeling certain emotions that I know are there, but that doesn't mean I can't feel any emotion at all. In fact, sometimes emotions become buried under other emotions. You might feel sorrow where you should feel rage. And I think when it comes to abuse, emotions can come in layers. As you process through your history bit by bit, you uncover layers of sorrow, anger, fear, love, confusion, guilt, etc.

I hope I'm helping and not just typing to hear myself think! lol!

SweetCrusader

comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable

[SeptemberMorn]

"I disagree that when you suppress one emotion, you suppress them all, though. "

My T told me that and in my case, it was true.





<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

[PlanningtoLive]

I am always angry, Tomi. I have constant visions of simply breaking everything all around me - that calms me down. I'm starting to get a little out of control now without my meds and I can't do that at my new job, esp. after only one week of being there.

There are days now where I just want to say "screw it" and walk out........where I can't deal with working 8 or 9 hours and watch the clock........today someone made me so angry I just wanted to slap her silly and all because she snapped once at me (she was really tired, but I didn't care) and I told her I wanted to smack her .

I have to suppress everything soon and I just can't figure out how yet.........[sigh].

Money changes people just as often as it changes hands.
~ Al Batt

[SeptemberMorn]

I may be talking out my butt but I'm gonna suggest a couple of things. Try taking that person you wanted to slap silly, the circumstances and type it all out. Just let all your feelings about that incident come out through your fingers as you pound on your keyboard. Don't bother with spelling or grammar, just go for it. I found that I could expend that anger by the time I was done typing it all out, but if I hadn't and still felt "murderous," I'd go outside and stomp up and down the driveway until I tired myself out.

No one knows you better than yourself, so you decide if this is something you can do. If you want, you can call me after you try it, sort of as a check in... or not. Whatever you prefer.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Mary Alice}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}




<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

Thanks SeptemberMorn, SweetCrusader, and wisewoman. Great advice and I think im going to relax about my feelings more.

[PlanningtoLive]

I typed it all out Tomi.........think I posted it under Depression. There is so much more going on, but not enough space to ever fit it all in.

xoxoxox

Money changes people just as often as it changes hands.
~ Al Batt

[SeptemberMorn]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Mary Alice}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Wish I could do something to help.



<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

[ghost]

these are interesting questions i've never been asked before. (i love questions but dont get asked too many.) i thought i'd answer for the heck of it...

1. my father was very loving and showed that he cared about me very much, saying so whenever he could. this got awkward in my teenage years. my mother obviously cared but expressed more jealousy over my relationship with my father than love a lot of times. my parents never showed sadness or anger, with only a few exceptions i can recall. they seemed to keep that pretty bottled up.

2. i never thought about it affecting how i cope today. but it kind of hit me hard just now to think about it. i'm a very caring and affectionate person (probably as a result of that). but i don't deal well with anger or negative thoughts... they're amplified in my own mind and i can't get them out. i can never verbalize when i'm feeling down or low because i've never done it before, i don't think.

3. i haven't had a lot of experience with therapy. but the small amount of time i've spent there, it's been damn near impossible to open up and get out the bad stuff. and it's the creepiest thing... i walk in there on autopilot and then i sit there, not knowing what to say. i don't know how to begin. and no one's known how to prod it out of me yet. i hope i find a T at some point who can help.

...do you have any suggestions?

good questions. they made me think... thanks.

ghost

[dalila]

How about writing out what is bothering you and then you can either let therapist read or read it to your therapist.

~D~

[ghost]

i did that once before and i don't feel like we addressed anything on my list. but maybe he didn't know what to do. i put a lot on that list..

[lalo53]

That's sad.