I think it was rape... (TRIGGER!!!)

The flashbacks...
The trigger...
the sickness...
and he was my best friend...
who brought back the depression...

I HATE IT

i've had experience with those demons some and i'm entangled with depression too... i usually post there...

i imagine the demons when they were younger... baby size.. all innocent and not as angry as they became... like me ...

so then i pick em up and tell 'em a good-night story... hope this helps...

i need to get it off my chest... all of what happened... all of the feelings.. i need release... but i do not want to trigger anyone....

i think if you put the trigger icon on the main thread it is a warning to about the trigger... then those don't wish to be triggered can pass it on... you can do it from the edit screen.. and then get it off your chest...

I agree, go for it. Heck, I'm doing mine in chapters so you can really go crazy with it if you want.

Cyran0

It was about 2am... Sunday morning...my little sister had gone to bed... i snuck out...

i walked to the mall... and met my friends... had something to drink....

he was really drunk... i didnt mind... i let him suduce me... it was my fault

the trigger icon is the orange round ball with the black "x" across it... you can still change it...

sorry... talkin' out of turn...

i'm out of turn... please continue entangled... sorry...

he took me home... he took me inside his 'house' and then he stripped me... bit by bit... he toyed with me... and then i said stop... but he kept going... i let him...
it was my fault

Please don't think it was your fault. No always means no.. Unfortunately some people have difficulty understanding that.

Maybe you didn't know what else to do to stop him? Sometimes you don't.. Too confused.. About whether you want it or don't.

Take care

i have difficulty accepting that i cant speak to him again... my best friend... my soul...

(((safe hug))) Please seek professional help. You don't have to suffer like this, thinking it was your fault and that you allowed him to violate you. The psychological aspects of rape go much farther than what you think you feel as true.

Sometimes confrontation does wonders, but I would advise against it until you have worked though this experience with someone helping you. Why not write him a letter and don't mail it, nor give it to him. It would also help to share that with a psychologist.

TC

I've spent years believing that sexual encounters that happened to me as a child were my fault. So I understand that belief. But you said one thing that takes all the blame off you and on the rapist who victimized you. You said stop.

I agree with those who have said that you should find a good therapist. It's essential that you be able to see this event for what it is and I, for one, could not do that without some guidance.

Cyran0

just listening Entangled.. hope you're doin' ok... hope writing it out is helping you...

there is nowhere to run to escape this searing pain

well no one is perfect

ITS NOT YOUR FAULT

its always going to be my fault!. i consented to going out with him. drinking underage. then letting him take me home. IT WAS MY FAULT!

How can it be your fault?

You consented to going out with him, to drinking, to going back home with him; you never consented to having sex with him. You said stop. And it's never going to be that you were "leading him on" to believe that you were going to have sex with him. No matter how you acted before, you said stop. It's really important to remeber that.

Have you told anyone? It may be terrifying and scary, and theres so many excuses not to. Maybe they won't believe you. Maybe they'll blame you. I want to try and tell you it's not like that. A friend of mine was raped by her boyfriend, and she never reported it. She did tell her friends, though. And all we could think of was being there for her. I hope you have someone you can trust. I also would like to strongly suggest you seek professional help.

I understand thats it's going to be really hard not to blame yourself. I just hope that you think about what people have said, because some wounds don't heal with just time. Please take care of yourself. You are not alone.

~itadakimasu

YAY! now he has gone and killed himself! woopdy freakin do... i told you it was my fault!

i spent a long time debating whether what happened to me was rape. the first time he refused to leave my house and made me go outside. he didnt actually have sex with me but i tried to push him off several times. then i thought that because i wasnt battered and bruised that it wasnt raped. the second time was with my boyfriend (ex) and he did have sex. i said no a few times and he still did it. i didnt think that was rape either because he was my boyfriend. the first time was 6 years ago and the 2nd time was about 4 years ago. it took me that long to realize that even though i wasnt near death from it, i was still raped. i was violated. and it took me even longer to realize it wasnt my fault.

thats what he wants you to think. thats why they apologize and cry their little eyes out. hoping you will feel sorry for them and hoping you will take it upon yourself. dont do that. who cares how drunk anyone was, you said no, its not your fault.

none of us are going to make you believe that, you have to do it on your own. but when youre ready, were here.