A milestone for me.........trigger warning

I just want to vent before I go off for the holidays about something that happened over the last 2 days....

From the age of 8 - 15 I was abused sexually, emotionally by my mum and her pdoc.....

She let it happen for so long, knowing he had a criminal record for child abuse, I had to deep her affair secret from my dad for many years, the guilt was tremendous......

I have struggled with my parents, having a relationship with both of them has been a big strain on me and my kids and hubby.

I told my mum about the abuse when I was 15 and she chose not to believe me, in fact he was abusing a number of little girls from the age of 3 to 15+.

To make a very long story short, for over a year since my son turned 15 I have been in a deep depression, am now seeking proper therapy and gradually getting better. I have no self esteem, confidence...I dont like me, but learning slowly not to have so much guilt and to stand up fr myself.

I asked both parents for a break whilst I'm going through the first stages of therapy, because they just upset me, specially my mum who continually puts me and my kids down. I know she says she loves them and prolly does, but is constantly telling me my daughter and I need to lose weight etc, it's not like we're obese or anything, my daughter is a size 10 (english sizes10) I am bigger but not obese.......

My mum tends to have a short memory...she had surgery on herself twice.....

She has lost all her friends through pure selfishness....only goes out with men with lots of money and drinks too much every night......

My cousin came around with our Christmas card the other night, I was hoping my mum was sorry about the past and what she put me through...but apparently, although she told me she wants to srt things out, told her side of the family she can do without me being like this and do without all the trouble!!!!

Well mother dear...I could have done without being raped when I was 8 years old and every week until I was 15....I coould have done without you having sex in front of me with 'him'. I could have done without you taking me with you to all those men you had affairs with efore the sexal abuse actually started......

a little girl of 3/4 watching and hearing mummy with different men all her life....

I could have done with some protection and support all that time.

I could have done with a proper mum, not a selfish unpaid ***** who thought of no one but herself and still doesn't.....

This weekend I have come to the decision to not see her anymore, it's like a cloud lifted...she came round yesterday and wasn't interested in anything I or my kids had to say...she has lost 2 of her best friends of 40 years because she tried to tell them who to be friends with.....now she has lost her daughter.....and 2 of the most wonderful grandchildren who dont want to see her anymore....all she is interested in is money, material possessions and keeping up appearances....she is shallow, self centred and cares not about what she put me through..her only child.....

My dad gave me and my kids such a warm welcome, cried when he saw us, told us how much he has missed us and gave us such a warm welcome....

I have my dad, I am going to enjoy our new relationship and so are my kids..... we have sorted things out and I am so happy. I told my kids I would NEVER stop them from seeing my mum....but they dont want to ever see her again after the way she was yesterday....

GOODBYE SO CALLED MOTHER....YOU HAVE LOST EVERYTHING THAT WAS EVER GOOD IN YOUR LIFE.....I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY

KERRY

Sorry this was so long, had to get it off my chest....this is a new beginning for me and my family ... no longer will I e bullied, put down or ashamed of ME.

Jin x

Jinn,

Congrats on your milestone. I am so glad you are back in touch with your dad. I understand why you no longer want to see your mom. Totally understandable. You are an amazing individual. I always wish you well. I hope you can now enjoy the christmas holiday.

Im sorry for all you had to endure as a little girl, and I will be thinking of you. Will be online all through christmas. YOu may pm me if you need to chat ok?

Your new friend,
Colleen
((((((((((jinny))))))))))

Kerry.... this must be sooo rough on you... but I think you made the right decision. Your mother isn't worthy having you as her daughter. Now it's your time to build yourself up and to heal... I'm always going to be there to listen to you, my dear sis!

I love you, Kerry! I'm proud of you!

((((((((colleen)))))

thankyou my dear friend.....I will be on and off...very busy but looking forward to it....merry christmas/holiday to you and I'll be here for you if you need me...may take a while to answer but I will read all my pms if you need an ear....that goes for everyone here....dont anyone be alone at all....

Love Jinny xxxxxx

Same to you my friend. if anybody deserves a merry christmas it is certainly YOU.

Im so glad to have made friends with you all.

enjoy your days....

Colleen

(((((((((((Jinn)))))))))) Applaudes Jinn for having courage through this whole ordeal. I knew you could do it!!!!

(((((((Caj))))))

thankyou sweetie, thankyou for always being here for me and giving me the strength to go on.....you are so special to me and always will be....

take care, hugs, Kerry xxxxxxx you are one special dude xxxxxx

thankyou Nina, I must have sent my reply to the previous poster and missed yours...sorry!

I know you are always here for me, and me for you, I hope you feel better soon, you dont sound very well at all, hugs to you and j,g and I XXXXXX

Love you lots

Kerry xxxxxx

((((((((jinny)))))))) sometimes letting go is what we must do to protect ourselves and heal our hearts.

much love to you dear friend and many hopes for a happy future.

recluse1

((((Jin))))

Good for you. It's so hard to put abusive family out of our lives but you did it. Congratulations.

Cyran0

((((((((((((((( jinnybaby )))))))))))))))))

The process you went through to get to this decision was difficult to say the least. It's never easy to let go of people who create a toxic relationship or who refuse to own up to their part in your pain. (for whatever reason)

In order to move on.....to face what needs facing....to heal, one must take stock of the relationship and decide should it stay or should it go. I'm sure you have done everything within your power to help make the relationship work. It's when we get to that point and see that there is nothing more we can do and still keep any semblance of "self" that we can let go and move forward.

I'm so glad you have been able to work to a point where you feel comfortable in your decisions about your mum. You deserve to have healthy and positive relationships.....and I wish you all the best my friend. Time and your positive attitude will definitely be on your side


sabby

oh thankyou so much everyone, you all made my day.....it's surprising how much happier my family and I are now this has happened, we all saw her in her true light .... all of us together and I'm so sad my dad has een affected by it all....

You all mean so much to me.....less you and happy Christmas....

hugs to one and all.....my love always and forever, Jin xxxxxxx

dances around room hugging herself......I feel so free....yay