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#1
May 23, 2008, 07:57 PM
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I can NOT believe I am about to share this with anyone, but I shared with T and she was ok with it. We are going to talk about it more, but I was hoping that you all might have some thoughts on this.
I molested my brother twice, that I can remember. Once when I was 8 or 9 and when he was 3 or 4 and then another time when I was 10 and he was 5. I am so utterly ashamed at what I did. I have never been able to forgive myself. I know that I knew better because I was afraid of someone walking in. So....I KNEW it was bad, but I did it anyways!!! UGH! I think it started with him about the same time his grandfather started molesting me. I was such a horrible sister. I don't know if he remembers or not, but I can't help but feel like I may have ruined a part of him by my actions. I am horrible, deserve punishment and just HATE myself.
__________________
"The mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work unless it’s open."  Don’t look where you fall, but where you slipped. 
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#2
May 23, 2008, 08:10 PM
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(((( Onlymedid ))))
 You do not deserve punishment. You were so young, and you were confused. A confused child does not deserve punishment. You are so brave to say this. Something else also shows you do not deserve punishment- you are sorry for what happened, you have no evil malicious intent. Here you are, worried about him. A mean, cruel person would not have admitted this. You are not a bad person. You regret your actions. It's great that you were able to tell your T, I am sure that will help you. I'm sure it seems hard to forgive yourself, but you will be able to go down that path, because I have no doubts you are an amazing person, and you only deserve good. It takes a very strong person to admit to the faults in their past. You are not bad. You are not a horrible sister. Say the word if I can do anything to help. Here with you. 
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#3
May 23, 2008, 08:19 PM
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I am sorry that you are going thru this and I am more upset that an adult damaged you so that you acted out in such a way toward another while you too were young and trying to come to terms with your own abuse..... ((( hugs )))
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#4
May 23, 2008, 09:08 PM
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You deserve compassion and healing and whatever help you need.
__________________
Now if thou would'st When all have given him o'er From death to life Thou might'st him yet recover -- Michael Drayton 1562 - 1631 |
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#5
May 23, 2008, 09:37 PM
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(((((((( BJ ))))))))
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#6
May 23, 2008, 11:29 PM
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You are a deeply caring person... you have a huge.. huge amount of courage.. and love for your brother.. because you are so concerned...
please have compassion and love for yourself...not this hatred... really look at your post... you were very young... confused... and did not understand... you can't at that age... you were hurt... by an adult... and the one that you should hate is the adult that hurt you... sweetie.. not this hatred of you the child.....
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#7
May 23, 2008, 11:30 PM
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((((((((onlymedid ))))))))))))))))))))))))
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#8
May 24, 2008, 09:10 AM
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Thank you all for your responses. I am really going to work hard on forgiving myself.
I never considered that the fact that I feel so badly about what I did makes me a caring, loving person who had no evil, malicious intent!!! You all are so wonderful. Thank you for the responses. I guess I just was afraid that everyone would think I am sick or something. Thanks for not thinking that way! BJ
__________________
"The mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work unless it’s open." Don’t look where you fall, but where you slipped.
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#9
May 26, 2008, 02:25 PM
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(((((((((((onlymedid)))))))))))))))))) agreeing to all of the above, Griffe said it perfectly!
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