Gross - pls be careful w/self - trigger

Whooooo ok i am writing this so it deson't stay in me. sorry in advance for the typos - i'm switching, and in a hurry so i can get to therapy (good timing). SO i have a wound on my foot that hasn't been healing and someone gave me a sort of a comfrey (healing plant) bees honey pollen thing that might take out the infection and heal it. I have been using this for 2 days. Today teh nurse told me not to do anything else to it - that it will heal on it's own.
So, today i tried this comfrey honey stuff on my pils (like it is really intended for) and had a flashback.

*****************TRIGGER****************
so the smell of it and the comfrey color of green/yellow and even the texture of it took me back ... my family used a lot of natural stuff to heal things and
ok this is really hard for me
my abuser (dad) used to use the comfrey (just plain comfrey) on certain *parts* of his body so that his underware were always that gross green/yellow color.
so i now had this crap on my *lips* right now tonight and it was sooooooooooooooooooooooo not ok not ok not ok
and i had to wipe it all off and not gag and that smell. i can't get that smell to leave me. or the vision of those stained briefs.
*ugh breathing deeply to fight down the bile*.
gotta go to t

I can understand how that would be hard for you. I hope you feel better after therapy.

ty Rapunzel

i never end up saying what all is in my head. Prbly a good thing. I did manage to say some of it in therapy - and cried some too.
In yoga today they talked about how "suffering is us disagreeing with reality" and it brought up stuff for me like "which reality? - the one with the freeway i am trying to navigate right now? the one with these terrible pictures in my head? the one where i switch into a child and think the past is right now? Which reality should i agree with?!"

Good questions, hard stuff. T answered that with - deep breathing. That is the reality i am to focus on.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((( kiya )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

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(((((kiya)))))
Hope you are in a safer place.

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thanks earthmama and kaika

i think i am in a better place.... going back to yoga today but this is the class i usually like and we laugh through.