I feel like i am a bad person. i feel i get on everyones nerves. i feel ugly and nasty and paranoid. why do people play games with my mind ......why do people goout of their way to try to put me down when that's all i've always had all my life .... this maybe a pity party but i dont care .... i'm sick of it ... seems to me people who dont give a %#@&#! and walk all over others always get to the top or get what they want.

i am wondering what i did in my life to deserve all this ..... i've been told to toughen up ..... grow up ...... lighten up ..... lots of ups there but they always bring me down ....

sigh J

[pegasus]

No, you are not a bad person!

Stay away from those people that bring you down.

((((((((((((((( jinnyann )))))))))))))))

[thelostone]

seems to me people who dont give a %#@&#! and walk all over others always get to the top or get what they want.

if you really look at these people, what they went for and got rarely makes them happy. they get what they deserve in the end, which is usually being alone, feared and rejected, even their children will only tolerate them for what they will get when the parent is dead, which is what they deserve.

sorry, you hit a nerve there.

you are good and kind and loving, and you have a family that loves you.

(((((((((((jinny))))))))))

lost

[50guy]

(((((((((((((((((Jinnyann))))))))))))))))))

You are none of what you posted. You don't deserve any of those hurts.

Thinking of you today,
Eric

[Fuzzybear]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
pegasus said:

No, you are not a bad person!

Stay away from those people that bring you down.

((((((((((((((( jinnyann )))))))))))))))

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

(((((((((((((( jinny )))))))))))))))

Agree with pegasus

(((((((((((((((((((thelostone)))))))))))))))))))))))))

sorry i hit a nerve .... my mother caused a lot of my pain ... and she has just about cut her ties in one way or another with all her friends and some family including me her only daughter .... she has ended up lonely and despised ..... sending hugs to you hon ......

thankyou for all replying ... my health is not great at the moment which is getting me down ..... however i have anti biotics now and some anti anxiety pills, sorry for venting, please know i appreciate you all so much .... love and care, Kerry xoxoxoxoxoxo

[SpottedOwl]

(((Jinnyann)))

You didn't do anything to deserve this. You are not to blame. You deserve to have a happy and loving life.

One thing that helps me sometimes is to remember that when other people tell me what to do to fix my life, they are usually talking about themselves, and not about me. I just happen to take it personally.

For example, my partner kept telling me *I* was oversensitive. I thought there was something wrong with me or something I needed to to differently. It turns out that my partner was the one who was oversensitive, and since he's been in T, he has come to realize that.

We may not be able to get people to realize they are talking about themselves, but it helps me not to internalize everything.

Many

((((((((((((((spottedowl))))))))))))))))))

I can see why you are called owl .... you are very wise ... thankyou, it makes so much sense. Hugs to you, Jin xoxoxoxoxo

oh help ...... I'm feeling really wierd .... up one minute down the next ..... literally. I feel ecstatic one minute then this cloud falls over me and I'm fighting bad thoughts ......

i feel like an ECG machine ...... i wish it would even out .... then it would be flat lining though right?????? maybe that'd be a good thing ......

no I didn't mean that .....

bette r go pop a pill sorry if this is in the wrong place .... like me ......

j

talking to myself. have lots of thoughts right now pacing around my head like the giant in jack and the beanstalk .... ot's utter chaos in my head. Like when you're in a party and lots of peole are rushing around, the musics just that bit too loud and people are yelling over it. The noise is crippling me ..... so much to remember, too much to do. Buffalo are stampeding through. I never felt this way maybe the antibiotics are mixing with the anti anxietys and everything else i take for this n that .... i tried speed once when i was younger .... that's what it feels like .... i'm talking to myself aren't i because noone answers all the time .....

maybe i should go to bed ..... then i#ll feel guilty ut i have done the laundry and the kitchen. what should i do ... i tried to call Nina but she wouldnt answer and she#s upset ....

why is it so hard everything .... am i in the right place?

sorry

(((((((( Jinny ))))))))
Here to listen.

You're a good person. I hear you.
You matter and I'm sorry you're feeling bad.
Lie down if it makes you feel better or stay here on the computer. You're in the right place.
No one wants you to flatline, because we all care about you. PM anytime.

[thelostone]

((((((((((jinny))))))))))

go lay down for a while. antibiotics always make me ookie. and the anti-anxiety can do it too. try to get a little rest.

lost

[ginniesky]

((((jinnyann)))) i am sorry it is taking me so long to respond ....i just wanted to say that i feel for you and i hope that you are ok..... have you tried taking in some deep breaths everyone is always reminding me to do that when i get overwhelmed....

[SerenitysWave]

((((jinnyann))) thinking of you

thankyou so much for thinking of me .... i feel right now i am always sick ... yet more anti biotics for an infectin to do with this stupid ovary ... why cant they just take it out. sorry to be always moaning jin

[1oxbowgirl]

(((((Jinnyann))))
Been a while since i have talked with you. Just got back from my trip north. I hope you get to feeling better. I think your brave and smart to talk it out right here. As someone who ought to know, writing it down so others can read and understand where you are coming from really does help make the fears and werid feelings go away for a while. I am still here if you need me. Best wishes to you. 1Girl

(((((((((((((((10xbowgirl))))))))))))))))

Great to see you back Thankyou, hope you enjoyed your trip. Sometimes it feels good to open up here, sometimes maybe not. Speak soon, love Kerry xx

had a very big row with hubby yesterday in town and on the way home ..... he insists on triggering me with certain words .... he knows which words trigger me .... i'm so sick of it all .....

in the end he started being really nice, appologisedand he thinks everything will be ok .....

my mask is on because we picked up Dani from the station last night and i want her to be happy, and my son ..... but underneath i am hurting from him triggering me ..... he always has to bring up stuff fromy past ...... far as i'm concerned it's emotional abuse all over again .....

pissed off Jin

[thelostone]

((((((((((jinnyann))))))))))

i'm sorry you are having a hard time. try to enjoy some time with your daughter. it is good to have her home isn't it?

lost

i hardly remember posting the above ......

i feel better ty. It isgreat having Dani home.... there are loadsofus going to a festival tomorrow until Monday .... i just cant wait to ge there, drown myself in live music and comedy and have some much needed FUN. I am going to let myself go, enjoy my friends and forget everything else.

have a good weekend, tc, love Jin xoxoxoxoxoxoxo