how do you know if you were emotionally abused

I've been told by friends that my parents are overly strict. My sister lives on welfare, my brother lives with his manipulative gf. My mother has always been really tough. She's not into the whole lovey dovey stuff. She likes straight facts. We're not very close. I can't be myself around her. I'm very romantic and she hates that kind of stuff. She's 59 by theway. When I was a kid, I felt like I was walking on eggshells around her, and I still feel that way. When I'm in the house with her I feel like she is judging my every move. I could be sitting and jsut watching tv, and she won't like the program I'm wathcing. She's very strict catholic. oh and I'm 19. I can't talk to her about sex. She doesn't like my friends, and all my friends ahve jobs, don't drink, don't do drugs, are going to college...and she always tells me to get new friends. she always would tell me that I needed to lose weight when I was a kid. I was on the chubby side but I hadlow self esteem. I lost a lot of weight when i was in grade eight. I always ahd crushes on my male teachers. She wouild dress me like a boy and wouldn't letme choose my own clothes...so i felt very unfeminine. everytime I come home if I'm wearing a shirt that shows a little cleavage...she's always staring and then makes a comment like, change your shirt, your things are hanging out. my bf couldn't even see my figure when he first met me becuase my clothes were so conservative. My parents would kill me if they found out I was not oging to church at the moment., she would kill me if I watched 18 A movies....Everytime I try to bake something, she takes over and treats me like a child. When I was I think 10 or eleven, we got in a fight and she had told me that she had diabes when she was pregnant with me, and that she had to prick her thumb a few times each day to check her blood sugar just for me, and that I should be happy that she did that for me. To make me feel guilty. I remember her telling me when I was young when I was lieing in bed with her that she wanted to die. I also remember lieing in bed and hearing a conversation between my parents and my dad had said "we won't get rid of Nicole" one thing to add is that I've enver been a bad kid, never got into trouble, got good grades I'm now in college. Now I feel I can't get respect from people, or be close with anyone. I feel lost...I care for my parents, but I don't feel love, or a warm fuzzy feelings for them. I repect them because they are my parents

Sounds like emotional abuse to me.

(((((((((((((Nicole))))))))))))))) I'm sorry you've had to experience that. You said you're 19 and in college right? Well, you can seek counselling from your college to deal with this. Sounds like a good idea to work through some of the stuff. It might help.

myoasis89
i agree it sounds like it to me too
emotional abuse can be as hard as pychical.
Both are very hard to deal with
my thoughts are with you
muffy

here is a link that I hope explains it to you
I hope it helps
http://eqi.org/eabuse1.htm

Hi Myo, I can see how your upbringing could cause difficulties for you now. I could see how your mom raised you to be nervous and not be able to relax. I can also see how your self-worth wasn't nourished.

Thanks for this link. I found it very useful, has answered some questions I've had about my childhood

Thanks for the link, not only did it answer questions about my childhood, but about me and how I am emotionally abusing my dd... It also answers the question that she would be better off without me...

TJ

Hi! I am sorry you had to go through this. I have been doing some internet searches of my own about emotional neglect/abuse for myself. You don't realize that it occurred until someone points out to you that the way you were treated is not normal.

I am sitting here almost in tears after reading your post. My situation was little different in the fact that I there was virtually no interaction in my house- I would go for DAYS barely uttering 5 words or seeing my parents and not because I was pissed at them, it was because they were too absorbed in their own worlds to notice or care. It was very cold and lonely; no hugs or kisses, no words of encouragement or praises, no compliments,no one ever came home excited to see us or happy. my mother didn't want to be bothered with me or my sister and my father has always been emotionally detached, but he at least made the effort to take care of our(I am a twin) basic needs. I was cooking and doing laundry at 8 and 9. my parents never slept in the same bed or room, nor did they show affection towards each other. Just a few years ago my mom told me she regrets marrying my father...so essentially she also regrets having his children. <<< Sorry didnt mean to ramble here.

I feel the exact same way about my parents the way you do about yours. I care about them, but I don't get warm fuzzy feelings of love and happiness when I think of them...i dont have an emotional connection to either of them.

Yes, the effects of emotional abuse/neglect has just about the same ramifications as physical abuse and has the risk of repeating itself if you decide to have a family of your own

Please see a therapist about this.
The sooner the better. I am 25 and I just made my first appointment because of the issues I am having as a result of this (anxiety, depression, issues with food and my weight, issues with alcohol, issues trusting people and feeling unwanted and unloved etc etc)

((((TJ))))

please get some help immediately. your daughter does need you and you can change and you can aplogise if you have done anything you feel bad about. when i used to want to be dead when my kids were small someone told me that a bad mother was better than no mother at all. your children need you and you need a chance to have healing in your life. the pain and wrong can stop in your generation. i was able to break the chain in my own family. my children have some problems but they are basically healthy and happy, good people. there's time for change. you deserve it and so do they.

Thanks Multi... I appreciate the hugs and the concern that you have for me. I realize now that trying to run away from all of that, to distance myself from my family was an attempt for me at distancing myself from the abuse and trying to forget about it. I now understand that it has been controlling my life all along, even in the good times because I never allowed myself to enjoy the good times... I was never enough and neither were the people around me... I was my worst critic, as well as theirs, and I wonder why my family doesn't come to visit me...heavy sigh!

Anyway, I am working on breaking the chain. I don't want to be this person any more, I want better for myself and my dd. I realize that can only happen by changing MY BEHAVIOR not everyone else's around me... That begins by valuing myself as a human being, realizing that is going to be difficult, because I didn't experience it!

Thanks again so very much...

TJ