[KChrispcat]

I have been dealing with depression since at least the age of 15 (I'm 40 now). I was sexually abused by a step asshole from the ages 7-13, raped by a stranger at 10 and gang raped at 13. I have been in therapy and taking meds since my early 20's. Yet.. even after all this time I still suffer from depression.

I found out a few years ago that my real father committed suicide (he died 2 months before I was born). I think that he was depressed and I think my mom also sufferred from depression.

I'm wondering how much of my depression stems from the abuse? How much is genetic? Will it ever get better? I'm tired of it.

How many survivors suffer with depression? Have any recovered from it?

[Pomegranate]

KC, from what I've read and have been told almost all survivors of childhood sexual abuse suffer from depression, and many, many of us make suicide attempts.

You may have both a genetic predispostion to depression, then your unfortuanate environmental circumstances also kicked in. Either (or both) way the bottom line is you have depression. So you need to learn how to deal with it and get help and support.

I've been dealing with depression all my life also. As I get older I get better with dealing with it, have more coping skills, recognize when I'm sliding into it sooner, know when to get help, need to change meds, etc. It gets better in that sense. For me, it doesn't go away, I have times when I'm not feeling real depressed, anxiety is still always high though, sometime years have gone by like that.

But for me, I am not able to deal with much stress at all. Too many triggers, too much stress, even not getting enough sleep, eating right, too much activity, I end up slipping down the slope. It takes constant vigilance and awareness for me to be okay and enjoy my life. But I do enjoy it more than I don't. Although knowing what I know now, if I had the choice....

[Sannah]

We all have abilities to heal. Healing takes a lot of work and focus. Welcome!

[KChrispcat]

Originally Posted by Sannah

We all have abilities to heal. Healing takes a lot of work and focus. Welcome!

I've been trying so hard for so long. I'm tired of trying. There are times when I just want to give up. It just feels like there is no hope of things ever getting better. If I'm going to be unhappy forever what is the point of living?

[Miri]

Yes, depression is very serious. I hear that you are in pain. Is there anything or anyone that keeps you here? For me, it's my grandchildren and never wanting to hurt my children, my friends who care about me. I hate when they use guilt on me, when they suspect I'm sinking, but it's true that it is often the only weapon they have, so I don't get truly angry.
I have treatment resistant depression and I'm bipolar. I can also be manic at the same time as being depressed. I have two aunts who were bipolar and my daughter is, so yes, genetics can play a role, just as i feel certain that life circumstances also play a huge role. My hope for you is that you have support, medical care, people who love you. I am sad that you are in this desolate place and I hope that speaking about it openly will help take down the volume a bit. It can. Keep reaching out, okay, people here really do care.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by KChrispcat

I've been trying so hard for so long. I'm tired of trying. There are times when I just want to give up. It just feels like there is no hope of things ever getting better. If I'm going to be unhappy forever what is the point of living?

Trying to get better without the correct help from others makes it impossible to get better. You have to search and you have to keep trying. I recovered from anxiety and I had to search for a long time until I found the info and insight that I needed. I didn't have psychcentral either!

I got better by discovering which issues I had to deal with. Some issues that I worked on were self-worth, social skills, problem solving, unresolved feelings, boundaries, living in the present, and empowerment to name a few. Which issues do you need to work on?

[Hunny]

KChrispcat

Thank you for sharing. I am certain that there is more for you, much more.

IS

[KChrispcat]

Originally Posted by Miri

Yes, depression is very serious. I hear that you are in pain. Is there anything or anyone that keeps you here? For me, it's my grandchildren and never wanting to hurt my children, my friends who care about me. I hate when they use guilt on me, when they suspect I'm sinking, but it's true that it is often the only weapon they have, so I don't get truly angry.
I have treatment resistant depression and I'm bipolar. I can also be manic at the same time as being depressed. I have two aunts who were bipolar and my daughter is, so yes, genetics can play a role, just as i feel certain that life circumstances also play a huge role. My hope for you is that you have support, medical care, people who love you. I am sad that you are in this desolate place and I hope that speaking about it openly will help take down the volume a bit. It can. Keep reaching out, okay, people here really do care.

My sisters. I have two sisters who are developmentally disabled and I am pretty much the only family that is involved. I mean some of my family is involved but it's because I am the one that includes them. And my niece. I think if it weren't for those three people I wouldn't be here.

I've been in therapy for years and have been with different therapists. I have also participated in groups. I did a partial hospitalization where I spent my days in the hospital doing group therapy for 4 months. I try and try.. I take my meds, I excercise. It would help if I had more support and love but that is hard to find. I keep trying though.

[KChrispcat]

Originally Posted by Sannah

Trying to get better without the correct help from others makes it impossible to get better. You have to search and you have to keep trying. I recovered from anxiety and I had to search for a long time until I found the info and insight that I needed. I didn't have psychcentral either!

I got better by discovering which issues I had to deal with. Some issues that I worked on were self-worth, social skills, problem solving, unresolved feelings, boundaries, living in the present, and empowerment to name a few. Which issues do you need to work on?

I've been working and dealing with my issues for years. Self-worth is a biggie and it's something I am trying to improve but it's tough. It's hard to teach yourself you are worthwhile when you've been taught your whole life that you weren't. I am trying to create positive healthy relationships and support in my life but that's not something you come by every day. I guess I have to just keep on trying.

[Sannah]

K, do you really understand how your self-worth got low? I don't mean just intellectually, I mean with every last feeling that you have about it. I got better by connecting all the dots and feeling all these dots to my core.........

[KChrispcat]

Originally Posted by Sannah

K, do you really understand how your self-worth got low? I don't mean just intellectually, I mean with every last feeling that you have about it. I got better by connecting all the dots and feeling all these dots to my core.........

I believe my low self-worth came from what I was taught when I was a child. Which was that I wasn't important.

[coralproper]

Depression.......I buried mine deep, in the ground, as a child...but lost the map back to it

i never wanted to live ...I wanted to die ....but I was not allowed to

I was tied to a wipping post, tied so long to it, it tried to break me

but one day...the post broke first....and I made my escape

[coralproper]

Originally Posted by Sannah

I didn't have psychcentral either!

here as well, this site is helping me break through barriers that I am faced with in real life in my demographic

I am not sure if I'll ever remove the scars, I feel as though I am slowly healing,though

Originally Posted by KChrispcat

I believe my low self-worth came from what I was taught when I was a child. Which was that I wasn't important.

I wasn't important

((((((KChrispcat)))))

me too.. there were many incidents that physically and menatlly pounded this into me,

and I struggle with it. I can't charge enough money . its all so intertwined. I work twice as hard but it still haunts me . deeply in grained.

keep working.

Patricia

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by KChrispcat

I believe my low self-worth came from what I was taught when I was a child. Which was that I wasn't important.

Is this that you were taught the truth?

[ECHOES]

I got better by connecting all the dots and feeling all these dots to my core.........

How do you do this Sannah? I have things I can't talk about in therapy but I also have few memories of childhood, as if it was just one long boring day....

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by ECHOES

How do you do this Sannah? I have things I can't talk about in therapy but I also have few memories of childhood, as if it was just one long boring day....

I started with a problem that I had in the present and then connected it to the appropriate place in the past and felt all the corresponding emotions attached to it.

[cinewest]

My heart goes out to you. I was depressed due to my dysfunctional family environment. Unbeknownst to me, my sister had been molested by the very same man that lived with us (not our father). My mother had us lie about what he did (I thought the lie was about him beating my mom) and that hunts my sister to this day. B_tt hole died several years ago and that has helped my sister cope but she is still dealing with it after 20 years. As for me, while things were challenging - they were not as bad as with her. I did go through a period of depression but found that talking to my friends, having a pro-active approach that I would not allow depression to take over my life and reading have helped me. I could honestly say that I have not felt depressed for over 15 years now. My trick is I stay busy and productive and recognize that the only person that could make me happy is me. The only one that could hurt me is me. So, I enjoy life daily for what it brings on to me. I really do truly enjoy my life but I do suffer - not as me being depressed - but suffer in the sense that I hate to see where my sister continues to struggle and I can't take that away from her. She has to one day let go and focus on today - not the past nor the future. Just today. So my advise to all: love yourself and empower yourself by recognizing your weaknesses and strengths and then focusing on your strengths to counter the weaknesses. Realize you are a human being and it is okay if you are not "perfect" - no one is. And finally, stop blaming yourself for anything. Worry only about your actions - because the only one and thing you could control is you and your actions. Read...what do I read? During my rough times: The Power of Myth by Joseph Campbell (actually, it was an interview with Bill Moyers but also in a book format) - I strongly recommend it for those of you that are struggling with your Catholic upbringing and feel guilt and all the common things they teach us. It was a good book that put many things in perspective for me. I am no longer religious but consider myself more spiritual than most religious persons out there. Cheers!

[KChrispcat]

Originally Posted by Sannah

Is this that you were taught the truth?

No. It's not the truth.