[deliquesce]

this will probably trigger, so please be careful.

i was reading up on google books last night. i came across a book which listed different types of s*xual acts, and also listed them in order of severity and intrusiveness (least to worst).

i feel awful after reading it. my experience of what hurt the most don't conform with that scale. it makes me angry and upset that someone could classify different acts in that way, and be considered authoritative enough to even get it published in a treatment manual. it was supported by the US's National Center on Child Abuse and Neglect.

here is the list, with least severe/intrusive listed first (like they did in the book):

...

ok. sorry - i started typing it out but i couldn't finish it off. here is a link to the book, the list starts on page 12. http://books.google.com.au/books?id=...ummary_r&cad=0

i was just hoping for some thoughts/responses. maybe even some hugs if anyone has any to spare tonight. i've been having a really difficult time with this lately, and i think i might trigger myself on purpose sometimes .

Great big hugs . i'm so sorry you've stumbled upon this and been hurt by it. No one can say what happened to you wasn't as devastating as what happened to someone else. Stay true to yourself and honor yourself. Resist letting others define you or your experience. i know it's incredibly hard because we tend to be so unsure of ourselves after being violated. Your thoughts and feelings matter more than someone else trying to tell you how much they should matter.

It's unfortunate the authors attempted to rate various acts in severity because everyone experiences every act differently with different degrees of traumatization. Your experience is as valid and as devastating as you feel it was/is. Once trust is violated, the world changes regardless of its cause.

Additional warning: The book referenced is extremely triggering. It is a DHHS (Department of Health and Human Services) booklet put out by the US Govt. It includes graphic examples of various types of abuse and, unfortunately, also attempts to rank them in order of severity. Without reading the entire document (117 pages), it's difficult to determine whether surrounding context changes the impact of such ranking. However, regardless of intent, it is easily understood how upsetting this material can be to survivors of various types of abuse and how it may lead many to feel as if their experiences are somehow less important than others.

[Capp]

((((deliquesce))))
The details of the abuse may be different, but the affects are the same.
No one can or should try and rank them as less or more damaging. They are all damaging...

The last thing any of us need to do is compare "experiences" and feel like ours are less horrific. All of them are horrific.
All Of Them.

Cap

[skeksi]

I agree with the others. Besides, what matters is YOUR experience and feelings about what happened, not some scale. Nobody can tell you, "X should be more upsetting than Y," because what's upsetting is YOUR judgment. It's your perception that matters here.

I just want to second what MeSo said about the material being EXTREMELY triggering. I CHOSE to click on the link and look a the list (so don't feel bad about posting it deli, because it was my bad choice) and I found it extremely upsetting. Please don't click on it if you think there is ANY chance you will be triggered. Big mistake.

[deliquesce]

i'm sorry - i wasn't thinking clearly. i should've made a huge trigger warning next to that link. it's too late to edit my post now (the edit button has disappeared?) otherwise i would add it in now. i will ask a mod to add it in.

thank you meso for the hugs . also thank you everyone for validating my feelings. i know that what happened to me isn't the worst thing in the world (and i've never for a second believed it was), but to have a list which coldly states "this is worse than this", coming from a professional and endorsed by a US govt body, just makes me feel blah .

if people think it is a better idea, i can ask for this thread to be removed altogether. i was posting from a bad place last night, i don't want to make PC unsafe.

We ALL should be validated but few or us are. Your truth is your truth and no one has a right to "rate" it's severity.
You deserve big hugs .

Originally Posted by deliquesce

i'm sorry - i wasn't thinking clearly. i should've made a huge trigger warning next to that link. it's too late to edit my post now (the edit button has disappeared?) otherwise i would add it in now. i will ask a mod to add it in.

No judgment from me on that score. You did put a trigger warning in the title. It might not be a bad idea to get a mod to help put an additional trigger warning near the link because it's so graphic (she said as gently as possible) but i don't think you should feel badly about what you wrote or that you didn't think to put an additional warning near the link. i can tell you're a caring person. We write what we write from the space we're in when we're writing it. i think we censor ourselves enough already. i do understand feeling badly though cuz i'm just as good at beating myself up. i think we've been beaten enough tyvm.

[Kiya]

((((((((((((((((((((((((((Del)))))))))))))))))))))))))))
how are you doing now??

[Kiya]

@_@
just read as much of the article as i could get through... pg 11-13.
REALLY don't reccommend it to those who can be triggered or angered when info is mis-represented.
already triggered, switched, lost an hour and had an Occurance (no blame here - i knew going in it could be problematic). I even half *wanted* to be triggered so i could fight fire with fire. Mind, now i wish i hadn't wanted htat.
*sitting with those who have been triggered*... can't take hugs at the mo. but don't want to be alone either.
I was so angry at a lot fo that stuff. some of it (on page 11) was even incorred info. Grrrrrrrrr. was looking to report it somewhere and get it pulled (the stupid book) but then read on despite my better judgement.

[deliquesce]

oh hell. i'm so sorry .

i pmed a mod this morning to ask for a trigger warning to be added in or for it to be removed altogether, but i think they went offline. it doesn't look like any mods are online right now.

if any mods do get to reading this, could the link please be removed altogether. i have had answers to my questions, and i dont want more ppl to get triggered.

i know i didn't "make" anyone read that book, but i'm sorry nonetheless . i shouldn't have put that link up there. it wasn't necessary, and it has hurt a whole lot of ppl i love on here .

((((((((((((((((((((deli))))))))))))))))))))))))

I just want to say again that we chose to click on that link. I knew it would probably be triggering for me. I JUST disclosed my CSA to my T on Thursday, so of course, it was silly for me to click on the link. I almost wonder if I was triggering myself on purpose.

You are so valued here, deli, and an important part of the community and one of my favorite posters. You didn't do anything wrong. Please know that and believe that.

Please be gentle with you. I don't think ANYONE on PC would say you did anything wrong.

And please PM me, okay??

[phoenix7]

((( Deli))) dont feel bad - you said there was a possible trigger - if we read it is our decision and we bear the consequences -

if anyone should be ashamed its the idiot that decided to prioritise the list in rating of severity - as has been said - different things have different effects of different people - pain is pain - someone somwhere thought it would be a good idea - jmo - they were wrong - not your fault - theirs

(((Everyone))) not sending hugs in case they offend - but hoping all are well - willing to sit with one and all that need company - I could do with company anyway

[Capp]

Originally Posted by deliquesce

i'm sorry - i wasn't thinking clearly. i should've made a huge trigger warning next to that link. it's too late to edit my post now (the edit button has disappeared?) otherwise i would add it in now. i will ask a mod to add it in.

thank you meso for the hugs . also thank you everyone for validating my feelings. i know that what happened to me isn't the worst thing in the world (and i've never for a second believed it was), but to have a list which coldly states "this is worse than this", coming from a professional and endorsed by a US govt body, just makes me feel blah .

if people think it is a better idea, i can ask for this thread to be removed altogether. i was posting from a bad place last night, i don't want to make PC unsafe.

Deli,
What happened to you is the worst thing that happened to you...forget the world. Forget these rankings.

Please don't second guess yourself for posting it. You did not do it to be mean-spirited or insensitive...you were sharing your heartache and needed support.

Choices were made to click on the link--you were not responsible for those decisions.
I think we all learned a lesson from this so don't beat yourself up about it.
We learn as we go...

Cap

[phoenix7]

(((Deli)))

hoping you are feeling safer now - take care

Originally Posted by Capp

I think we all learned a lesson from this so don't beat yourself up about it.
We learn as we go...

Cap

Thank you, Capp. You are so right and wise with this statement!

Thank you for reframing it as a learning experience...that is helpful.

(((((((((((((((((Deli)))))))))))))))))))) Many safe and gentle hugs to you. Please do not worry about what you posted. And I'm so sorry you are suffering and YOU were triggered by what you linked. I am dealing with CSA with T right now, and it's hard, hard stuff. No matter where it falls on the stupid list in that book...it's hard, and bad, and wrong.

Peace and healing to everyone here...

I did the same thing....I read most of it, knowing full well what it contained, maybe looking to be triggered so I could act out the rage. It's my own fault and my own brand of self sabotage.

Hugs for any who were triggered.

Originally Posted by deliquesce

oh hell. i'm so sorry .

i pmed a mod this morning to ask for a trigger warning to be added in or for it to be removed altogether, but i think they went offline. it doesn't look like any mods are online right now.

if any mods do get to reading this, could the link please be removed altogether. i have had answers to my questions, and i dont want more ppl to get triggered.

i know i didn't "make" anyone read that book, but i'm sorry nonetheless . i shouldn't have put that link up there. it wasn't necessary, and it has hurt a whole lot of ppl i love on here .

You aren't responsible for our choices...please don't blame yourself.
It triggered yes, but I went into it knowing it would. I was looking for a "rage release" and that did it for me.
Please stop blaming yourself.

[Kiya]

Originally Posted by deliquesce

i know i didn't "make" anyone read that book, but i'm sorry nonetheless . i shouldn't have put that link up there. it wasn't necessary, and it has hurt a whole lot of ppl i love on here .

No, hun, you didn't. (tho I know i'd be saying the same thing, so I get'cha) I made my own choice. Humans can often be strange creatures - choosing purposely that which is bad for them.... why do we do this???
No harm done. I am fine today (after sleeping nearly 12 hours ) and did a lot of good things.
(((((((((del))))))))) sitting with you. Pls don't feel bad!!!!

[Kiya]

Originally Posted by treehouse

((((((((((((((((((((deli))))))))))))))))))))))))
You are so valued here, deli, you didn't do anything wrong. Please know that and believe that.

I want to bring this to the front again. See how we all said we purposely did it? wanted to either trigger ourselves or release rage, or self sabotage? I was already on the self sabotage roll when I came across the post. My post then was to say "Yeah they're right!!! Don't go that way!!!" lol. We each look, say "NOPE! Don't go there!" So then we each REALLY have to look! Humanity is so weird.

I guess it is also important to realize that not everything we read is correct. Just because someone puts it in a book or has letters behind their name, doesn't make it Truth. That book was a *prime* example.

[Pomegranate]

deliquesce

I didn't look at it because it does not feel safe for me. But my reaction to your message is: SCR*W the professionals who did that! What do they know about what you, what each and every one of us went through??!! I can't even believe someone would think to RATE something like that! What good does it do?

Forget it about. You know how you feel and that's valid. That's all that's important. I hope you get yourself back to a better place soon.

Hi deliquesce,

You gave ample trigger warnings . I can see how torn you were though needing support for what you were talking about.

For right now Im choosing not to look . But hey just being here is trggering if you think about it . If it doesn't get triggered you don't know what to work on.

I 'd like to share this because Im pretty sure its on the lesser end of the abuse scale in this publication with out looking.

That being ..Covert abuse .

Both my father and brother practiced fondeling under clothing and newspapers.

I was so used to it I had learned to live with it. I didn't undersatnd it actually. It was untill I was in therapy and home for christmas that I caught my father watching me and the newspaper thing. I was watching a tv show .I was sitting on a couch against the side of the wall . his lazey boy was in the back corner of the room . I was facing the TV till something made me look back and I caught him.

I get triggered just sitting in Book stores and a man brushes his leg. It got so bad that I could not have a man walk up to me just in walking down a side walk.

this kind of abuse is incedious because you can't know what luid thoughts are running through thier heads .
they don't physicaly touch you .

but you are still thier play thing , thier object.

its not a far jump for anyone to see how damaging and on going this can be .

so for what its worth.

Patricia

[Kiya]

aurora- it needs a trigger warning pls @_@