I feel scared, confused, judged and misunderstood. I was always aware that I am a sexual human being since I was 5 years old. My healthy curiosity about sex was condemned by mom's constant rants about the evils of masturbation and falling in love. She would ridicule her high school classmates for falling in love. Girls who fell in love always ended up harmed in some way by their boyfriends in her anecdotes. So, I have an issue about anyone in a position of authority judging me to be weird or overly sexual.
The first ob/gyn I went to made feel judged and insulted. The woman doctor said that I have a polyp. I asked her, "what causes polyps to grow?" And she replied, "It is stimulation. You know we pull ourselves here and there." Is she implying that I am sex addict or something like that?

So, I did my research wanting to know more about polyps. That's when I got very angry. Grrrr Polyps grow because of many reasons among them is an abnormal sensitivity to estrogen, etc. Is her vague and absurd response a sign of worse to come?

I have settled for lousy medical care in the past because I ignored little things like this. Looking back, I regret not having walked out of appointments and switched doctors sooner. Other issues I have are having been sexually abused by a family member, and reacting in an overly trusting way with doctors. It is the first time I have had to go to a gynecologist and I have never had a boyfriend. I have never been sexually active. I feel ashamed of being a virgin this long and I feel like a weirdo.

So, I switched doctors to a male ob/gyn. In this case, I also chose not to return. There are many things about him that bothered me. He was not gentle when he performed the sonohysterogram, he told his medical assistant to come and have a look at what was happening WITHOUT MY CONSENT, and everybody ( the gyno, and the ultra sound technician) refused to explain to me what was happening or what was going to happen next.

Please help me. I greatly appreciate you feedback.

[Can't Stop Crying]

It took me several tries to find a doctor who I felt comfortable with...now that I've found him, I will never see anyone else. He is aware of my CSA history and is very good at explaining everything he is doing and trying his best to make me as comfortable as possible. Have you looked into a Women's Only type of clinic - I've heard that doctors in those clinics are very sensitive and understanding.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a virgin. You are not a weirdo. You will be able to engage in a sexual relationship when you feel like you are ready. It is common for people dealing with SA to avoid sex. There is nothing wrong with that and I'm sure you mother acting like sex was something to be ashamed of contributes to all this.
I think your doctors response is insensitive to say the least. There are good gyno's out there - sorry you're having such a hard time with this!

I agree with Can'tStopCrying - and maybe if you have a friend or a female that you trust, you could ask them what doctor they see to get a referral that way to someone.

Do not think being a virgin is weird. you need to wait till you are ready and comfortable, and it makes it even more understandable why the gyno would be troublesome for you - when you see a doctor, they are actually working for you, even though it doesn't feel like it a lot of the time, but You are Paying them. If you don't like them, leave and find someone else.

Originally Posted by Can't Stop Crying

It took me several tries to find a doctor who I felt comfortable with...now that I've found him, I will never see anyone else. He is aware of my CSA history and is very good at explaining everything he is doing and trying his best to make me as comfortable as possible. Have you looked into a Women's Only type of clinic - I've heard that doctors in those clinics are very sensitive and understanding.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a virgin. You are not a weirdo. You will be able to engage in a sexual relationship when you feel like you are ready. It is common for people dealing with SA to avoid sex. There is nothing wrong with that and I'm sure you mother acting like sex was something to be ashamed of contributes to all this.
I think your doctors response is insensitive to say the least. There are good gyno's out there - sorry you're having such a hard time with this!

Thank you for your compassionate words, Can't Stop Crying.
I am so happy for you now that you have found the kind of doctor that is aware of your CSA history and that explains to you everything and is focused on making sure you are comfortable. Doctors like him are truly outstanding.

I can now see that there's nothing wrong with looking for the right gyno even if it takes me more tries than I expected. Yes, there is nothing wrong with being a virgin ( I should not be so harsh on myself for something that is one of the symptoms of SA).

I will look for a women's only clinic here in Miami.

The only things that worry me are: how lonely I am and how knowing so few people is adding to the difficulty of finding the right doctor. The polyp is symptomatic and I am praying that it is benign. Also adding to the stress is my mom's insistence of coming along with me to this type of appointment. Before and after the 2 appointments, she kept reminding me of how bad, terrible and difficult this was for me since I am a virgin. She went on and on comparing my body in graphic detail to the bodies of women that are sexually active and/ or have given birth. She kept harping and nagging me for not telling the second doctor that I am a virgin, and therefore at fault for his insensitivity.

Thank you for validating what I had concluded. It means a lot to me. I had been second guessing myself lately.

Originally Posted by jadedmoonbeam

I agree with Can'tStopCrying - and maybe if you have a friend or a female that you trust, you could ask them what doctor they see to get a referral that way to someone.

Do not think being a virgin is weird. you need to wait till you are ready and comfortable, and it makes it even more understandable why the gyno would be troublesome for you - when you see a doctor, they are actually working for you, even though it doesn't feel like it a lot of the time, but You are Paying them. If you don't like them, leave and find someone else.

I am just starting to get to know the women in the meditation group I attend on tuesday evenings. So hopefully as I reach out more to the ones that I feel comfortable trusting, I can get some great referrals.

I agree, it is very important to pace myself and ask myself if I am comfortable, willing and ready to have sex with a boyfriend. I should not have to feel like I have to stay just because a doctor is in a position of authority. I pay my money, but if they don't treat me right, I leave.
Thank you for your empathic words of encouragement, jadedmoonbeam.

Thank you Can't Stop Crying and jadedmoonbeam for your support. It has made a difference on how I am approaching this situation, from apathy and anxiety to hopefulness. Having a history of CSA, I tend to go to polar opposites from over-trusting to hardly trusting. I finally got two referrals from two women at my church, after I summoned the courage to ask. Though I felt embarassed afterwards, I know I am reaching out for the sake of my body's health.

Originally Posted by psychee

Thank you Can't Stop Crying and jadedmoonbeam for your support. It has made a difference on how I am approaching this situation, from apathy and anxiety to hopefulness. Having a history of CSA, I tend to go to polar opposites from over-trusting to hardly trusting. I finally got two referrals from two women at my church, after I summoned the courage to ask. Though I felt embarassed afterwards, I know I am reaching out for the sake of my body's health.

good job! that's a huge step and I hope one of these doctors works out fo you!

[roses4me]

I so agree that we should shop for an obgyn
I found mine by accident... I was pregnant... had a miscarriage
this doctor is so cold and void of all emotion
he said, 'I am here first for the child. then for your physical health'
it worked for me
he was all business and nothing but business
I have so much anxiety
yet I have none when he gives me an exam
it is in the lab, out of the lab and into the office where I get facts

hope you find a good one for you soon

roses

Originally Posted by roses4me

I so agree that we should shop for an obgyn
I found mine by accident... I was pregnant... had a miscarriage
this doctor is so cold and void of all emotion
he said, 'I am here first for the child. then for your physical health'
it worked for me
he was all business and nothing but business
I have so much anxiety
yet I have none when he gives me an exam
it is in the lab, out of the lab and into the office where I get facts

hope you find a good one for you soon

roses

Thank you roses4me for sharing your story and your kind words.
Sorry you had a miscarriage.
Are you ok with your doctor's coldness and his lack of emotion? or is he good in all other aspects?

Originally Posted by jadedmoonbeam

good job! that's a huge step and I hope one of these doctors works out fo you!

Thanks. I hope so too.