[swirls409]

Ever since I was a teenager I knew two things:
1. I was going to be a mom by the age of 22 ( married by 21).
2. The purpose of my being was to be a mother.

Well when I was 21, I got married. 22,23,24, and now 25 have come and gone. No baby.

For the past two years solid, wanting a baby has consumed me. What sucks so much, is everyone around me is getting pregnant..EVERYONE. We are now going through fertility treatments, and as I am trying to be positive, it's so hard because I can't figure out why we can't get pregnant on our own. I have become so emotional and so hateful/jealous towards women who are pregnant or have a newborn baby. This was not supposed to be my life plan. I am to the point that I only want one baby and then want to have birth control implantation, so I won't have anymore children. The way I feel righ now, I wish on no one.

[Big Mama]

I am so sorry you are having difficulty conceiving. I cannot say I understand, I do not. I have been threw 3 miscarriages. I now have children. Who know's why these things happen or don't happen.

I do understand wanting a baby and not being successful is heart wrenching. I understand the jealousy that you feel towards other mothers w/ babies. I was in a similar position. My cousin found out she was preg. first then I wound out I was. I miscarried she did not. She was a single mom and I was married. She didn't want to be preg. and I did. But for some reason it didn't work out. I got preg again 4 mo later and had a full term baby. But her child will always be older then mine. Because of the miscarriage.

I'm happy to have my kids but the reminder still hurts so I do kinda understand. A little, but I didn't have to go threw near what you are going threw. Good luck w/ things. I hope it turns out the way you hope.

[JLarissaDragon]

My heart goes out to you. I was pregnant 4 times and miscarried on three of those. I wanted so much to have three children, but then I found out I could not get pregnant again. It seems all so unfair, that some woman who want so much to be a mom cannot get pregnant while some who do not get pregnant. There are no easy answers that I can offer you, just hope that it can happen when we do not expect it. Recently my niece got pregnant at 38 after being married 20+ years and having tried and tried. Miracles happen and many of the fertility treatments now available have been successful. I just want to tell you that I care and can identify with the emptiness that you may feel. But don't give up -- Keep trying. It is worth it

[ickydog2006]

I'm so sorry. I too dont understand why these things happen. I have a hard time seeing others happily pregnant. I have a child but had a horrible pregnancy. And both my husband and I realize we could never handle the emotional strain of another child. I try not to dwell on the why's because it just gets me really upset.

[swirls409]

I began fertility treatments this past month. I was pretty positive about the treatment. Today is day 31. Normally most people would be excited. I am cramping like i am going to start my period. If anything I am crazy sad. Because I know this isn't my month. I went to the doctor today (not for baby stuff) and when my doctor walked in the room...drumroll please...I got to find out that she is pregnant. Last night I was on facebook, and my exbf that I had before I met my husband...his wife had a baby last night. Then I scrolled down a little more...a 16 yr girl I had in cheerleading had a baby a few nights ago. It's like I can't escape it. I can't quit crying about it, and I can't quit being angry. People tell me to relax and that it will just happen. I can't relax. All I do is hope, wish, and the end result usually is me crying because once again it's a fail..no baby.

[Big Mama]

Is it a for sure no baby or is it painful implantation, a secure spot for a fetus is found.

I am so sorry there is success all around you and you are going threw this. My heart goes out to you and your H.

[swirls409]

I have many cramping on and off for 3 days. Very much feels like period cramps I guess I'm so used to a negative test, I'm not holding my breathe.

[Big Mama]

I hope the best for you. Implantation does cause cramping sometimes. When something attatches to you it may not be the most comfortable thing in the world. Keep positive until you know for sure.

I know it sound and feels bleek. I know it doesn't help to say try again, people used to tell me that. Later I am glad I tried again.

I am so sorry you are hurting. Have you spoken with your T about this? Or your Gyno? I cannot imagine your doctor wouldn't refer you to someone while going through all of this. My heart goes out to you. I wish you the best. Perhaps you should go speak with someone. Your emotional well-being affects your physical well-being a great deal.
Hugs to you.

[swirls409]

I am currently seeing an OBGYN specialist. He's a great doctor, so I hope he can work his magic. I'm still crampy no period I keep praying that I just get it so I can start my next cycle fertility pills. My cycle has been so off...last month my cycle was 32 days, the month before it was 37. My dr told me that my cycle should go back to being normal, so I'm working if 32 is my new normal. Today is day 32.

[swirls409]

I know it probably sounds weird that I'm praying for my period...but I just have this feeling that I am not pregnant.

[Big Mama]

Yes that does not sound like the answer I was expecting. Elaborate honey. Why this change of heart. I know it is stressful. What's up?

[swirls409]

I just have a feeling I'm not pregnant. I feel like my period is going to start any minute. If I'm not pregnant, I wish that my period would just start so we can start trying again

[Big Mama]

I do understand. You just wanting to know, to get it over with good or bad. You just want to know.

I've been there. I thought I was losing a baby and I moped for days. I just wanted it to happen already. The stress was killing me. I didn't want to lose the baby I wanted the insanity to stop. I did lose the baby. ( at 14 wks)

[hamster-bamster]

A close gf of mine went through the troubles you are having but ultimately emerged victorious, and I hope for the same for you.

She:

- married a guy for whom it was a second marriage and he already had a child

- lived with him for many years and did not get pregnant

- they divorced

- she fell in love and started living with another guy who already had a son

- her first H remarried and had a baby

- all the while she was having unsuccessful IVF attempts with the second H (she started as soon as they got together because she was getting of age, if you know what I mean)

- 3 unsuccessful IVF attempts

- finally, the 4th attempt is successful and she is pregnant with twins

- when she was 7 months pregnant, her husband who just turned 40 DIES from a sudden heart attack

- she delivers (by C-section) 2 TERM twin boys at age 39, being a widow.

[Eliza Jane]

Originally Posted by swirls409

I just have a feeling I'm not pregnant. I feel like my period is going to start any minute. If I'm not pregnant, I wish that my period would just start so we can start trying again

I would take a test. When I got pregnant I had cramping for about 1 week before the day it was due. It caught my attention because it started sooner than pms cramping would and I usually don't have much pms cramping. Take the test to get it out of your mind.

Good luck,
EJ

[Eliza Jane]

P.S. Even if you don't feel up to taking a test at this point, please don't take any meds that wouldn't be allowed during pregnancy (e.g. advil). And don't go drinking, etc. You never know.

[swirls409]

Yeah. I'm not much of a pill taker, and I don't drink so I should be good in those areas. Thanks everyone for all of the positivity. In the past I would have run out and would have taken a test. I am to the point that I don't want to take anymore tests because ultimately the tests make me so sad when they come out negative. I have an appointment next week with my OBGYN, so if by then I haven't gotten my period, I am sure he will make me do a test at the office. Sorry if I sound like a debby downer. I don't even want to know how much money I have invested in tests (pregnancy & ovulation). I would much rather wait it out. I'm leaning towards I'm not pregnant, and if I am...these cramps are stupid lol.

[swirls409]

Originally Posted by Eliza Jane

I would take a test. When I got pregnant I had cramping for about 1 week before the day it was due. It caught my attention because it started sooner than pms cramping would and I usually don't have much pms cramping. Take the test to get it out of your mind.

Good luck,
EJ

what did your cramping feel like?

[swirls409]

Originally Posted by Big Mama

I do understand. You just wanting to know, to get it over with good or bad. You just want to know.

I've been there. I thought I was losing a baby and I moped for days. I just wanted it to happen already. The stress was killing me. I didn't want to lose the baby I wanted the insanity to stop. I did lose the baby. ( at 14 wks)

thank you for all of the pep talks you have been giving me. you have no idea how much better it is making me feel

[Eliza Jane]

Originally Posted by swirls409

what did your cramping feel like?

Not super painful, but noticeable. My understanding is that the uterus starts stretching and growing immediately, so there can be some weird pains that feel like cramps. Also, some women get a spot or two on implantation. That happened to me once and I thought I wasn't pregnant, but then when I wasn't bleeding by the next day, I took a test.

I understand your tension about taking a test. I miscarried my 1st pregnancy and I vowed that I wouldn't take a test for a very long time if I ever got pregnant again. I didn't want to know in case it wasn't going to work out. However, when I got pregnant again I had the same cramping and I couldn't ignore it or get it out of my mind. I ended up doing the opposite of my plan and taking a test the day my period was late because I figured it might be best to know and get it out of my head. It was positive. I'm glad I took it!

But different decisions are right for different women. You know what is best for you. Pregnancy problems can be so isolating even though there is a large silent group of women out there experiencing them. Many pregnancies are not those happy pregnancies that you see on tv or in the movies.

Please feel free to keep posting if it helps you.

Good luck,
EJ

[agma]

I can relate to what you are going through. My H and I tried several years to get pregnant and didn't. We then tried 6 rounds of insemination and none if them worked. I just started my first cycle of IVF. I'm really hoping it works, because like you, all I've ever really wanted since I was little was to be a mom. I totally get the feeling jealous of pregnant moms and new moms as well as the HUGE disappointment of negative pregnancy tests. Good luck, I'll be praying for both of us!

[Raging Quiet]

I can totally relate ((((hugs))))

I'm older than you and bee. TTC since I was 24 xxx

[swirls409]

Soo I was supposed to get my hair dyed today, and to be on the safe side thought I should take a pregnancy test. I did. Took two. Both came out positive I still am in shock.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by swirls409

Soo I was supposed to get my hair dyed today, and to be on the safe side thought I should take a pregnancy test. I did. Took two. Both came out positive I still am in shock.

Congratulations!!!!