Controlling husband threaed to take my name off our joint account, help!

I wouldn't be so sure about that. You probably can't close it by phone if that is what you mean but you don't need both people whose names are on the account to be present at the bank to close it. (in my experience)

In 2000 abusive BF threatened my and my sisters'/mom's life so besides getting a restraining order I went to the credit union where the BF and I shared a checking account. I closed the account and opened one in my name only.

Start making photocopies of every financial document you can get your hands on while you are still living together.

I think your starting point should be to get advice from an attorney including an estimate of costs and what is an acceptable payment plan.

Joining a domestic violence group is a great place to start! good for you for making that decision.
I too have, since teen years, had lengthy panic attack, gen. anxiety, PTSD and recurrent major depression. I have always worked. I made it a rule that I had to, it took a while, and at times was, and still can be, excruciating but---really, you learn that only you know what is going on inside you. (and I had no meds till my mid thirties; the antidepressants did not exist, and my one experience with benzos turned me off---though I am fine with them now)
Some jobs that have little personal contact and don't require experience, that come to mind are---factory work that they will train you for (I used to do soldering and mechanical assembly---you don't have to be social if you don't want to, just do the work--a little harder to find now but still out there, see if there are any manufacturing/electronics places around; you have computer skills and may find something, say data entry, or basic office clerking that doesn't require a lot of interaction (you wouldn't want to be the receptionist for instance); {btw, can you apply to get the shoplifting expunged?---the other is not uncommon; if they check, we all make bad decisions sometimes and it won't necessarily stand in the way of a job} library asst. (shelving books essentially, sorting, not dealing with the public)---you might want to try something as a volunteer first, so you don't have the pressure of it being a "job" (soup kitchen, sit with/read to people in a nursing home, local historical society (like the library), ----?dog walking (the local shelter usually loves to have people come and exercise the dogs)---it could even become an occupation, again, online you can type in "volunteer opportunities+(your town/area)"
Good luck! In time you may be the one helping others who have been where you are now.

((Shyintrovert))-

As the others stated, I feel you are in an abusive relationship. I was in an emtional & verbally abusive one for a year..I could not even use Windex correctly, according to that abuser....It was about to turn physical and then I left. I went to DV shelter for couselling...They were wonderful. Non judgemental, kind, caring...Please give them a call.

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Hi, thanks for the links and your helpful advice- I did look up information on here and I found out that my signature would be required to take me off of the joint account. I'm surprised that he put my name down on there to begin with! I don't want to say or do anything that would cause him to take that money and move it to another account in his name only, or in a private one.

If I do decide to leave him, I'm going to be very smart and I'll be ready for everything first. On top of that, I'll wait for the right moment when he has a lot of money in the account and then take most of what's left in there and only leave him with enough to cover a month or two worth of living expenses since I'm not that mean. Lucky, him, ha!

I'm used to the put downs, but that doesn't mean that I think that I deserve them. My self esteem isn't as bad as it used to be. I used to think that I was really part of the problem. Now I know better! I do plan on seeing a domestic violence counselor as well as another support group for people suffering from this soon. Now is not a good time since I'm uh, on my period and I feel like crap now. I'll start looking tomorrow and I''ll go when I'm better. I won't tell him that I'm going to these groups of course!

I'll just say that I'm getting free counseling, that's sort of the truth, lol! I forgot to mention, the $100 a week is for me only. That covers food and gas plus personal items like razors, shampoo, toothpaste, etc...I often get most of that stuff from the dollar store expect for stuff like deodorant and shampoo and conditioner. I often get stuff on sale.

I used to go grocery shopping with him but I stopped since I couldn't deal with him nagging me to death to not spend too much money and rushing me to hurry up and get what I need and get out. He'd also fart loudly in the store most of the time too, ugh! He just buys stuff for himself. I'm so much happier w/o dealing with the stress and his rudeness! Not to mention the fact that he'd let his pants sag so low that half his butt was exposed in public, lol! He never cared about that at all!

Regarding healthcare, we used to have it, but the premiums kept on getting raised and I think that he really couldn't afford it anymore. I'm not sure about now though, but I have seen the letters from the IRS for the last few years, I don't think that he's lying about owing them so much. He told me in an email the other day that he's almost done paying them the remaining $10000 he owes them from 2012.

He said that he just paid them or is going to pay them $5,000. He said nothing about what the plan is exactly and he didn't answer my last email, but I'll get an answer from him even if I have to nag him to death! He always tries to not answer my questions, but I'll get him to somehow. He told me that he doesn't have the time to look into insurance companies and that I should look for one that's affordable.

We have already been denied once by Kaiser since I have a pre existing condition(s). We used to have Blue Cross and every year they'd raise our rates up to $1,000 for each of us regardless of the fact that we're not getting any new or special treatments! Ugh! He is a stubborn idiot who thinks that he's Superman and he thinks that Drs. are scam artists who try to scare you into thinking that you need medical care when you don't. He told me that the body can heal itself. I hate to say this, but sometimes I wish that he'd get really sick or get really bad back and neck pain like me. Maybe he'd seek help then! I think that he's just cheap and that he doesn't care if I get sick or not!

I'll also look into health care. What health insurance companies are good for accepting people with numerous issues that's affordable? I'll look into things and then bug him to death to get health insurance!

Angie

Angie

I realize, something like what I am about to recommend, may not be admissible in a courtroom, but could be used, to show your attorney, if and when you do ever decide to leave him. And I would advise, being very careful, that he were never to discover this. But a digital voice recorder, could come in handy, to 'prove' the verbal abuse that you endure.
I find, lots of times, there are those in society, that feel that people exaggerate the reality of verbal abuse, and the reality is, that once you play back, these recordings, it can show, beyond a shadow of a doubt, what you are enduring. They range, as cheap as $20-30 and can go higher in price. If your computer, isn't key logger traced and you have the ability to have privacy on it, you can upload these recordings. Or even upload, at the library to a USB or an external hard drive, that you could/should keep in a safe place.
If you don't know, if your home computer is key logged, there are free on-line software tutorials that can help you identify this type of monitoring!!

I realize, something like what I am about to recommend, may not be admissible in a courtroom, but could be used, to show your attorney, if and when you do ever decide to leave him. And I would advise, being very careful, that he were never to discover this. But a digital voice recorder, could come in handy, to 'prove' the verbal abuse that you endure.

I forgot to mention that I'm aware of key loggers. Usually it's obvious that someone installed a key logger if you know what they look like. There is nothing on my lap top. There is no suspicious looking software of downloads on my laptop.

Still, anything is possible. I know one guy on FB who knows about computers and he can help me figure out if there is a key logger on here or not. What are some ways to tell if there might be one on here? I doubt that he put any key logger on here as I don't think he thinks I'm that smart or having an affair (I'm not of course) or anything like that.