Men staring at nipples!!!

StarkRavingMad · Oct 02, 2013, 09:06 PM

He's also been looking at my profile. Ugh. If I have broken any rules, please delete my posts and not Citrine's thread. She has a right to vent.

pbutton · Oct 02, 2013, 09:11 PM

I am not sure all men truly understand what it is like to receive unwanted attention. It's not flattering, it's not ego-boosting, it's annoying at best, scary at worst. Staring is weird and rude.

Anika. · 10:28 PM

I agree pbutton, I don't think they understand. And as much as they chant that it's just natural instinct for them ...well ok , does that not mean women would have an equal natural instinct to feel protective and not want this attention..to feel creeped out. Because rape is often just part of nature, and somehow some of us have learned that in this type of society it is not welcomed. We have focused on men's natural sexual instincts for so long, I am not sure a lot of people think about what womens natutal instincts are beyond picking a suitable strong mate. It's more complicated than that.

There is a clear reason why it is intimidating for women. We are more defenceless size and strength wise. I guess maybe it could be compared to when a huge male come up to a smaller male in some sort of stare down and the smaller male doesnt know if biggie is gonna beat him to a pulp or not. But smallie doesn't stand much of a chance and knows it. Add the element of rape to that and I am sure men would not enjoy this situation. You don't feel a sense of security or control if biggie decides he wants a go.

Sadly if we took a poll at pc, the amount of women who have been sexually abused would be astonishing. And likely for the men as well. It is not like there is fear for no reason.

Fancy seeing you in here Indie, never told me you were a girl.

L . If you are reffering to me, I never suggested YOU like under age girls. I was talking about real life experience. I don't even know you, or what you are like. I don't want that to be misunderstood if that was the case. I never said anything like that. I was trying to explain that it is not a simple glance and when it is my daughter and old men are oogaling her its downright frightening . I am not a man hater, what I hate is having to feel unsafe because I have a vagina.. it kinda sucks. It's not all men, but it is many.

healingme4me · Oct 02, 2013, 11:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CastlesInTheAir

I was scrolling down my unreads in tapatalk and his thread was about 2 threads below....it made me do a double take...and then I laughed my arse off! Lol

There was another thread, there, too!! But it's not there any longer!

Well, if I want to wear my American Eagle pastel jeggings, (hot pants are sooo 80's), and hmmm, a T. Tahiri Blouse, I'd say, it's not to draw attention to anything other than the fact, that I like fashion. And, um, yeah, there's a huge distinction between appropriate and inappropriate attention from men!

Maybe, I'm not attracted to that guy in front of me, at the coffee shop, but so long as he's not being a creep and says hi, I'll be polite and say hi back.

Most people, wouldn't believe the surgery that I had, as in, they cannot believe that I ever needed such a one. But the way the men, look now, is a whole lot different, than before. You can notice appropriate attention, albeit with a twist that shows, wow, you get a nod, than creepy dudes checking out teenage girls, who clearly look like teenage girls...

Citrine · Oct 03, 2013, 08:25 AM

Well, well ladies, I didnt know there was a debate going on on the other side of the fence until I just read the last few posts. I dont have the energy to read every comment the opposing set has posted but the counter is wrong from the start... I pointed out that me dressed in coat and boots was leered at by the type of man that sees nipples as headlights and the rest of a lady is invisble. A man that will stare at anyone. Dear me another thread gone mad.

Nine Lives · Oct 03, 2013, 02:10 PM

Men are capable of not staring. To suggest that they aren't is silly. It sounds like they are saying they can't control themselves and they are weak.

Poppy Princess · Oct 03, 2013, 02:17 PM

There was only one guy I didn't blame for staring at me. That's because I was completely naked at the time. That one was kind of my fault :/

Citrine · Oct 03, 2013, 03:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Poppy Princess

There was only one guy I didn't blame for staring at me. That's because I was completely naked at the time. That one was kind of my fault :/

ok hes off the hook then

Otter63 · Oct 03, 2013, 04:42 PM

From the time I hit puberty, I have been overweight and self conscious about it. At present I am seriously overweight, but my breasts are small. I have never gotten that kind of attention, and honestly, I would really like to!

I totally get what you all are saying, and I agree that men should not act like pigs. Sometimes I just wish I could exchange bodies with one of you who have this problem. Just for one day. Being invisible hurts too.

Trippin2.0 · Oct 03, 2013, 04:57 PM

You know in those old cartoons where the depressed and hungry dog is licking a dried up old bone, then all of a sudden he spots a chicken going by, but instead of a live chicken he sees a roasted one?

I feel like that roasted chicken when men give me creepy stares, can see them mentally salivating, its so disgusting, and wouldn't be suprized if any of them started foaming at the mouth.

There is a definite difference between an appreciative glance or smile and being leered at creepily, and the fact that some men deny this, baffles me. My bf is not the jealous type, he will make quips about how lucky he is that they can "look but not touch" but he too finds creepy leering men disgusting and sometimes looks as if he would punch one of them.

These men that think we should like feeling creeped out, I'd like to see how they react witnessing a creepy dude leering at one of their daughters, basically foaming at the damn mouth. I wonder if they'd tell their daughters to shutup and appreciate the attention!

Oct 03, 2013, 06:27 PM

There is an issue when we start to speak of women who dress in "provocative" clothing. What is provocative?

Is a dress provocative?
Are ALL dresses provocative?
So, no women should wear dresses, ever? Then, all those women who do not wear dresses are subsenquently given a lot of crap because they are told they are not feminine enough. If you wear a skirt and heels, regardless of the length, someone will say you are dressing up to garner attention from men- therefore if you get unwanted attention, you have no right to complain.

If you wear red, you are trying to be sexual. If you giggle,you are flirting. If you want to look "nice" in any way at all, it must be to get attention from men, so any attention from any man must be acceptable and a woman is not allowed to complain about it.

...I mean, right?

....riiiight.

So when someone says "short skirt", how short?

Shorter than whatever girl you DON'T consider promiscuous, likely.
So there is no actual objectivity.

And if two women are wearing the exact same clothing, but one has a natural sway to her hips- she may be considered "dressing provocatively".

But I digress- most men are convinced heterosexual women dress only for them- because why on earth would a woman want to just dress up and look nice in general?

Regardless, if a person is over stepping boundaries by "looking a little too long", I feel one then has every right to speak up about it. And should.

healingme4me · Oct 03, 2013, 07:14 PM

Exactly, how short is short for a skirt, or is it really a matter of the length of the legs that goes with the skirt? I mean, I have a couple of skirts, that, yes, are above the knees, but not more than an inch, I think, actually, would pass the catholic school test, for appropriate length.

However, I have super long legs. Soooooo....am I covered up, and presentable? Absolutely!

And, I do have a nice raincoat, guess if I wore that with this skirt, I'd probably get some double takes.

Haven't had a reason, to wear it that way, but...I don't know, this is humoring me, now...

I feel, I've developed, through the years, my own 'look' that I know to give back, when the stares are uncomfortable.

LadyShadow · Oct 03, 2013, 11:40 PM

Just to let you guys know, his rant thread has been closed. We all know who I'm talking about.

It all seemed to get so out of hand. It seems that our opinions clearly upset some people on here and they had the need to lash out at all of us.

Don't worry dude, I'm ugly and fat so this thread doesn't apply to me.

That being said, I think the point that we are trying to make has sparked endless debates from the beginning of time. Men say we dress to sexy wear too much makeup, that's why we get so much attention. Women say we are doing it for ourselves and it doesn't give men the right to oogle us and drool.

It's a debate that will go on and on, whether its on psychcentral or any other board.

But, its an open forum and everyone is entitled to their opinion.

Citrine · 01:07 PM

Im just watching Millionaire Matchmaker, even she, a sister, a fellow gal tells the girls how to dress for maximum effect and chances of bagging these (usually) creepy guys. Theres not one girl there is a sloppy jumper n jeans. Just listen to the mens response, its like they are at a buffet. Its clear that how a woman dresses draws attention whether that was the intention or not. Many women like to wear beautiful feminine or sexy clothing because it makes them feel confident and feminine or just because they like the clothing, ladies clothing is allowed to be made from any fabric and colour and we all like beautiful fabrics and colours. I know 2 women that dress to impress and admit it and have joked to me they peceive other women to be jealous and they like it.

So Im being devils advocate but I have also offered 2 other reasons why women like to wear the clothing that is showing their femininity and this is everyones right, both men and women. Problem is men focus on womens clothing alot and see certain things as signals, its how they end up with ladyboys on their exotic holidays lool.

Id rather just not get any attention at all especially as theres lots of creepy guys out there.

NuckingFutz · Oct 17, 2013, 09:52 PM

What I hate is when men in religious garb hide behind what they are wearing and say the grossest things. They are the false icky people.

eskielover · Oct 18, 2013, 07:27 PM

Strange....at 60 years old I have never experienced the problems that you all are talking about. I was an engineer working in a mostly male environment.....I played racquettball with the guys at lunch & at turnaments both at work & at the sports club & was always an equal competitor with them.....& never got the looks that you all are talking about....maybe it was my5/2" 105 AA shape....there was NOTHING for them to look at......or maybe I just never bothered to notice if they did as no one would have dared to say anything....who knows.....but in looking at them as equals then always seemed to give me the same respect.

Hard to imagine the experiences that you all have had....but so glad I never did have to deal with it.

As for cloths.....work was always pants & turtle necks in the winter & shirts in the summer because of the air conditioned environment I worked in.....but on the racquettball court....it was the normal shorts & T-shirts & a LOT OF SWEAT.....& yep....girls sweat when they beat the guys on the racquettball court.

Never bothered with makeup because I never had time at lunch to put it back on after a racquettball game & shower.....so I never bothered wearing makeup in the first place.

hamster-bamster · Jan 21, 2014, 07:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Citrine

I am sick of this. I do not dress to attract attention in any way. There I am walking along and my parker blows open and its a bit windy and yes theyve reacted. SO WHAT. Some slimy older man with too many children in his car and a miserable looking wife is turning his head eyes locked on my chest. Im not a whole person, Im a set of nipples. SURELY he has seen enough of them in his years. Is he sick of the fake tits in the porn he secretly watches as wifey is peeling the potatoes? Why do I sound so scathing? because its pathetic and creepy. Im in jeans, tshirt and chunky boots and a coat.Must I wear multiple layers all the time. GROW UP men. They are just breasts. Were not into you, were not reacting to you. Go get hypnotism or castrated coz I feel sick with your dirty greedy looks. Its a peeve of mine. It totally puts me off men as it shows some kind of immaturity or lack of control. Ladies... your thoughts?

Citrine,

I am sorry to say but the guy did not look at your face because your facial expression was unpleasant. Your stereotyping, your being judgmental, an ageist, etc. - they all must have been surely written all across your face, making your nipples your best asset which drew the guy in. I mean - why would he look at the face of a person who counts his children and decides that he has too many?

So you need to project a nicer self via your facial expressions and people, men and sometimes women, will want to look at your face. As long as you feel a sense of entitlement (you feel that the guys Must view you as a whe person even if you decide for them how many children they should have) rather than a sense of appreciation (in the scenario you described, I would have given everyone - the guy, the woman, the kiddos a bright, open, appreciative smile), people would not be draen to your face, but the power to change it lies within you.

I am a rather plump woman now and after three children whom I nursed for a very long time, my size is 36DDD, which means that my bust does not stand out much, but ay your age, pre-children and very skinny, I wore something like 32DDDD, which was quite visible (without being "off the charts"). But unless I was braless, on a couple of occasions, men would still look at my face. Literally, outside of those couple of occasions of gping nraless which did result in that hypnotized look, everyone did want to see my face.

So you wanted to know "ladies' thoughts" and you have gotten my input informed by years of experience - unless your cup size is completely off the charts, this kind of a situation is a feedback to you from the outside world, which says that your facial expression is not pleasant enough. This would have very little to do with the attractiveness of your features per se and very much to do with the thoughts you were thinking, because, unless ypu went to a school that trains spies, your thoughts are quite visible to people who are passing by, and the expression of disgust would be especially apparent.

Debit/Credit · Jan 25, 2014, 10:28 PM

I feel for you. Thank goodness, I only have size B breasts. Fortunately strange married men don't talk to my breasts in public. That doesn't mean men haven't treated me like a vagina on legs. Every woman must endure that, whether she is aware of it or not.

tufan · Jan 27, 2014, 12:07 PM

I must admit, I am usually envious of ladies with generous endowments. I have B's myself and I have always wished that I had some big'guns. I'm sorry for what you have experienced. It's enlightening and troubling to hear the not so pleasant side of something one personally covets. I think you should have told the dude something flippant, maybe: "There's a good male role model right there. Keep up the good work, dad!" You know, with an eye roll as you bundled back up. I feel sorry for those kids.

transient · Feb 22, 2014, 09:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Anika.

Noticing someone is one thing... oogaling like the woman is merely an object is another. It's disrespectful, and contrary apparantly to what some of the men who oogle think, it's not flattering or a turn on. Like the ones that shout at you about your body parts from their cars as they drive by you.... ya that is so not gonna pick up most women. I don't know what they are thinking. Obviously not considering how they are making the other person feel. It feels anything but good at least to me. Kinda dehumanizing experience. When they do it when I am with my children......

I don't care if a man notices me and keeps it respectful. But there is a line and we are supposedly a civilized society. You dont have to make someone uncomfortable just to get a look. I think the women here understand the difference, I mean you can literally feel it.

This has been happening more and more often while I am with my daughter. She is 13!!!! And a tiny 13 year old at that. She dresses very modestly and looks about 11 or 12.

And that is a whole other topic. I am so not into slut shaming women for what they wear. You know I wear short skirts and stuff sometimes. And it is NEVER for extra attention. More often it is because I like it, it feels good on me, or its too damn hot outside. Or perhaps I am on a date with my bf.... shocker!!!I still keep it clean, I am pretty modest. It's not invitation to act like a perv. Period. Sure maybe some women do want attention..who knows. Something tells me behaviour says more than clothes to point to what one is seeking. . And that would be their choice and none of my business. Do men have to worry about this and how they dress.

Maybe men do not realize this because a lot of them would probably love to have women oogling them. There is a big physical power difference, men while being the physically "stronger" might realize to use that to offer the females a sense of protection instead of a sense of aggression. My bf doesn't mind when men notice me if it's respectful, he feels flattered, but he is very uncomfortable with the creepy leering types and gets a bit angry with that...seems even some men can see and feel the difference.

I am using some generalities I know. Seems some men did not like this thread here and had to get their say..too bad. I cant see the problem with respecting females feelings in this area. It's not a big thing to ask. When should we care about how the other feels about how we treat them.

I have to agree with everything you said here, I think you said it spot on. It's a terrible thing in this society to be raised to objectify women, and for women to have to deal with it just because "boys will be boys". I wish you and your daughter all the best
_______________

In reply to what hamster said, I totally don't agree that having a sour facial expression makes your boobs your only good asset to look at, at all. We should not have to smile or look pleasant to men to be treated fairly and like humans.
Wanting to be seen as a whole human and not a set of breasts is not entitlement. It's a human right.
To have someone tell you your face needs to look happier/ more inviting in order to not be objectified is.. downright wrong. The OP wasn't being ageist or discriminatory, she was expressing her anger at her experience to someone who would have been creepy and slimy regardless of age, amt. of children, etc.

I've experienced everything the OP wrote about, and it sucks. I don't have big boobs either, but I'm young and creepy men (young and old) like to stare and comment. Everytime it happens I get so angry and think along the same lines as what the OP wrote. I hate it so much that I don't like to leave the house, because in my area there are a lot more men than women and it's a dangerous and threatening environment.
Personally I think you need to have some self control and not ogle women because it objectifies us, dehumanizes us, trains us to be afraid. We are only boobs and vaginas to some men, unfortunately that's a product of the society we live in.
An excuse might be 'I have eyes, I can look wherever I want' but it's the mindset that comes with the action that makes it really problematic.

How would men feel if all women did was stare at their groins? Some would feel flattered, but if it happened as often and in similar circumstances as when it happens to women, I'm sure they'd be uncomfortable with the objectification.

hamster-bamster · Feb 23, 2014, 02:06 AM

OP very much was discriminatory and ageist in her opening post. That is why it was rather funny in one of the more recent posts when someone suggested that OP make comments trying to make this man more responsible, whatever it meant to the poster, in front of his children. Wait, the youngest of these children for sure would not have been born had his parents reached out to OP for family planning advice! And still she gets to have a say in how this child is raised, who and how acts as the child's role model, etc. Come on, let the child's parents decide how and what to do, as long as nothing criminal is happening.

hamster-bamster · Feb 23, 2014, 02:16 AM

Transient,

You didn't understand what I was trying to say. I was not suggesting OP "try" to look pleasant. I suggested she stop her being ageist etc. (Reread the OP - there is a heap of very hurtful stereotyping and assumptions there). Had she stopped making those judgmental and stereotyping comments in her mind, her face would have looked pleasant automatically and without trying. That, unless she is a professional spy who fully controls her facial expressions, but I doubt she is - I think she is a run-of-the-mill kitty owner, like me, without special training.

You have missed the crux of my post, in essence, misinterpreting it to mean that OP should have TRIED to look pleasant.

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