Orgasms

It seems to me that men place a lot of importance in the orgasm of their partner and one must applaud them for that but as someone who has difficulty orgasming at the best of times I find that knowing my partner's need for this places more pressure on me and in turn results in even more difficulties getting there.

Anyone else feel like that?

Why must men take it as a personal insult that I haven't orgasmed? It really is me, it has nothing to do with your technique or anything else I just don't work well.

And I really am happy with just the act. If I were in it simply for orgasm I'd do it myself! lol

I'm the opposite of you, in this area.
Until you've been with a selfish partner, one cannot appreciate an unselfish partner.

At the same time, there's men who find it an ego boost, and if your partner is laying out a guilt trip, by taking it personal, seems selfish in motive perhaps, perhaps not??

Depends on the scenario, and if it's just the act, and then feeling slighted that you didn't merely have an orgasm from it, that could be why.

Not sure...
Sent from my LG-MS910 using Tapatalk 2

Hmmmm.
Could be extreme consideration.....could be ego.....

Depends on the guy.

My boyfriend is always disappointed when I don't orgasm, or when he orgasms too "quickly" because he thinks that both are "unfair". That is, he wishes it were as "quick"/"easy" for women to orgasm, in general, as it is for men. I'm sure the reasons vary from men to men. My boyfriend just feels bad when he gets to orgasm, and I don't (because the converse is significantly rarer).

So he always tries to get me to come, and he's far more enthusiastic about this than I am. Sometimes I just don't care enough to keep trying, but he does, and this divergence can create a bit of tension.

I totally get that. I have performance anxiety. My H is nice, and he wants me to get mine, but it is more important to him then it is to me. I know if It doesn't happen for me then he takes it personal. So I have performance anxiety.

I have told my H and the T eventually confirmed it for my H, that it is not necessarily the Orgasm its self it is just as much as the trip there. He still doesn't seem to understand how this can be true. I guess he wants me to feel the power that he feels. I feel bad for him for wanting me to enjoy it so much. You can;t make someone else enjoy something.

Orgasm seems to be more important for my husband than me. I love having sex with my husband whether I orgasm or not. I value to closeness and intimacy far more but I am so happy that he cares about what I am feeling rather than just taking what he wants.

My husband is really considerate but understands when I can't/don't want to get there. Sometimes I don't feel like fighting for it, when it's a struggle and he understands. I tell him I enjoyed it still even without orgasming. But usually later that day or the next day I get there on my own just to release that tension that built up from not getting there earlier. I'm better at it on my own anyway. At least lately... I have a complicated sex life.

Me to kris. I totally understand.

Omg, my ex-husband was the most lazy, selfish lover in the world. Mounted me, did his thing in under two minutes and was done.
Be happy your husband cares enough about your needs. Some of us are not blessed with that.
I would talk to him and let him know how you feel. Let him know it pressures you. I think he will understand to back down when you let him know.
Maybe you two can come up with a plan that can signal to him without speaking that tells him you are not in the mood to try for an orgasm that night. Maybe a simple tap on his shoulder could be a gentle way for signaling to him that you are ready to shift the focus on other things.
I hope this helps.

Don't get me wrong I think it's awesome that most men are so willing to look after their partner.

It's when I explain to a potential partner that I have issues in that area and they take it as a challenge and then are absolutely mystified/mortified when I get grumpy and push them away from me.

I think I've just been unfortunate enough to run into those who are in it for their ego rather than their partner.

((((BeteNoire)))) sounds you shut down, when they approach you like a challenge. Then it's forgotten to, that women can get over sensitive, if too much is going on there, that it hurts.
It's fragile fine China for goodness sakes.

Sent from my LG-MS910 using Tapatalk 2

To me it is just as important for me and my partner to have fun and feel good... and if lucky have an orgasm at the same time. And I do need to be in love and be loved to feel this way.

+ anxiety

Oh, then I get what your male lovers are doing. They are playing a game of overcoming unusual challenges not heretofore overcome by any man. I got this with parallel parking. I cannot parallel park - it is too complicated, daunting and scary for me. In my twenties, 4 men tried to teach me, to no avail.

In the past year, I mentioned it, jokingly, to two guys - a wonderful guy who is my bf and a dumbhead former classmate who wanted to date me. The bf said: "how do you go to san Francisco? " I replied that I would take a train. He calmly offered to teach me. I responded that it is not frequent that I need to go to san Francisco by train so it would not be worth for me to change it. He accepted it and we switched the topic of the conversation.

The former classmate wanted to teach me, saying that he would teach me in two minutes (really? So four guys before him were complete good-for-nothings? All four, in different states... what an unlucky coincidence). He bragged about his abilities, was loud and generally unpleasant to be around.

In the former case, the guy has a rational mind that leads him to realize that when 4 guys, each trying hard, could not teach a woman to parallel park, the problem lies within said woman.

In the latter case, the potential for bragging rights looms large on the horizon, and rational mind takes a back seat...no, gets thrown out of the car.

You need men in the former category.

My partner gets upset when she orgasms like 5x and she can't get me off at all. I know it's me I tell her it's me she just gets really upset then. Or I orgasm once I'm fine with that I can't just keep going. Just don't touch me I'm ok I'll continue with u, let that be that. She always has multiples and I'm not talking weak ones either.

She talks big game how she'll top me but I can't give up the control. If she were to top me it's all over, I'll never get off that way. I'm fine tending to her need, I can take care of my own if I need to but it's rare.