Being Noticed by Men

It's been a while since men have really noticed me, possibly because I was overweight and careless about my appearance, due to not having the time or effort. I didn't miss it much, but just to know I still looked okay or an occasional reminder would have been nice.

Anyway, since I've lost some weight and began caring about my appearance I have been getting a lot of attention from men. Like today three younger men in a car whistled at me when I was on my walk. They were cute too! As demeaning as it may sound, I was flattered....I even felt myself blush. It's been along time since I've been whistled at like that. I must be getting my groove back.

Anyway, my fear about it is...well, since my marriage is sort of a disaster waiting to happen, an empty marriage...what if the right guy comes along? Should I turn a seemingly good man away? I'm not looking, but what if he just happens upon me like a miracle or something, then what do I do?

it does feel nice when men notice us. I would say if that were to happen hon to re-evaluate the marriage and your love for your husband. personally there are times I have seen you talk really sweet about him so I don't think the love is gone just yet. maybe marriage counseling is in order. I am hoping he found a new job!

Yes, he's been working. He got hired two almost three weeks after he left Wally world. I've never not known him to worker, that is one good thing about him is he's the hardest worker I've ever seen. He's making a little more money now too, which is always good.

We do have a mutual understanding of each other and I do believe what I have with him, I could never have with another. After all he is the father of my children. I do cherish few of his qualities and what good things about myself that I had gained from him. You are right, there is something there...but as for love, I'm questioning it everyday. It's not enough though, to fix something that has gone so deep under. We're both aware that it's for the kids till we have the means to separate at this point. It wasn't verbally said, but he sleeps on the couch and I sleep on the bed....we no longer have sex. I've given him permission to be more open to meeting other people too.....that's not equal on his end though.

He's absolutely refused counseling...he says I need therapy and I say he needs rehab. Same old caca just another day, we've given up our war and basically just get through everyday. He still supports me, getting me through college. I think once I graduate he'll be more comfortable to let me be on my own.



Deep down the only reason I have began exercising and eating better....taking care of my appearance, buying cuter clothes is because I'm interested in meeting other people.....I just don't have the guts to do it while we're still "together". This is why I'm saying, I'm not looking...then again I ain't going to immediately dismiss them with a "Thanks, but I'm happily married" neither. *shrugs"...idk.

I would decide one way or another so you're not working at cross purposes to yourself and cause yourself problems down the road.

In any event, you need to be able to support yourself and your children. If you need school to do that, then ignore the men and meeting other people, concentrate on getting through school and getting a good job.

Then you can work harder on the marriage and stay together or separate and go on to the "next" step. But without a "plan" it will just end up being an emotional, financial, confusing mess I think.

Maybe you should let him read what you have said then he may change his mind about the counciling.

When I lose weight, men notice me too. If one were to whistle, I'd want to:

1) punch him in the throat (sorry, but it's true)

2) gain the weight back

3) stay home until I do - then I could back outside and feel safe again

Slippers

I've been where you're at, hon.

You're with the "right one", at least for now, and I don't feel that we should take on more weight knowingly.

I agree that you need to evaluate the marriage and if it's decided that it's over, then end it before ever considering entertaining another man.

Our lives are already too complicated and difficult without knowingly walking into something to add to it, I think.

That said, I appreciate the look, nod, smile, flirt, appreciation of a decent looking (not just or only physically decent looking) man. I always have and probably always will. There's nothing wrong with that in my book.

However, I put ten times that effort into what I got at home first and foremost.

I don't take it farther than that, though, and won't....didn't when younger either. If I can't manage the relationship I have, then what would I be thinking to try to get another one at the same time???

I firmly believe when we're working on our relationships, that if we put one-tenth the effort into the existing one as it would take to maintain a new one (in either staying together or splitting amicably), we'd sail smoothly most of the time (of course that's on both ends)...

Just my thoughts...

Good luck, hon.

KD

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youOme said:
Anyway, my fear about it is...well, since my marriage is sort of a disaster waiting to happen, an empty marriage...what if the right guy comes along?

Should I turn a seemingly good man away?

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I have always been one to say....... You should end the marriage before you allow another into your heart or bed.

In the mean time ENJOY being noticed, but do not let it go further than mere appreciation.

Thanks for the responses.

It's a new territory to me recently since it's been about four years since I've been this thin. I think since it's new to me right now, it's exciting. I haven't mingled beyond a smile, but I can't help but blush. It just feels good to know that I look attractive now, after all this hard work it's coming together.

If I was emotionally braver with a better self esteem I may talk more when men initiate conversation, but I am still remain shy as I was when I was chubbier. I don't think that will change just because my waist line is smaller.

Before I thought, losing weight might make me look better or fit in with everyone around me but it will not make me happier in anyway. So far, it has made me happier. I feel clearer minded and proud of my choices.

I hate to mention this, after mentioning it so often people just begin to think that maybe your pathetic if you've tolerated it as much as me, but...my husband has done nothing but put me down since day one. I feel I can never please him despite my best efforts. I could be working full time, going to college full time, and still running this household on my own and he will find a reason to bash me.

The reality of our relationship is neither of us are happy. We've patiently waited this year just like we did the year before. We're slowly separating further and further from one another. We still do not sleep together in the same bed anymore. If he agreed to walk out now, move into his own place, and agree to take care of his kids 50/50, and be civilized....lets just put it this way, I would help him pack.

I promised myself long ago that I would not make the same mistake my mother made. She relied on men her entire life. She went from one man to another to another...and never was alone. Once my husband and I go through our process (unless a miracle occurs) then I WILL remain on my own alone, no relationship till I discover some things myself, my strengths. I've never truly been on my own before, I refuse to be dependant.

Yes, re evaluate the marraige. Good point given i must say. Maybe the marraige just needs a good pick me up, I know sometimes when you begin to feel unwanted in the marraige, the free world of un-married men seems like (the term about the grass being greener on the other side). But hopefully whatever happens works out in your favor. I still get whistles and things, even though i dont think my thick thighs are so attractive anymore, but some men like that so i try not to get down on myself about it. Also, my husbands x was like 3 times the size of me so if i ever start feeling down on my apperance, i just think about what he used to have and i feel much better.

I do not like being noticed by men!!!! It happens all the time and it makes me feel violated when they chat me up. I hate it.

It always feels great to have that extra attention. If you know it is over with your husband and want that new man. Then you don't need to let a new guy go. HOWEVER, if your current marrage can be saved then go for it. Having your current love lust after you will feel so much better than a new guy.

I love it more now then I ever did. I'm still a heavy set girl, I've been blessed in certain areas of my physique, I can finally wear shorts and tank tops and feel cute. Anyway, I'm living it up for the most part. I won't talk to the men, but the occasional glance or smile just reminds me to keep working hard.

Even when I am with my thinner friends I'm still getting noticed......it's awesome.