Number of sexual partners

I went through a period where I was very promiscuous. It was like I hit a certain age and decided that even though I didn't enjoy sex, I should do it as often and with as many people as possible. I was raped prior to this decision.

Anyways, I was reading something and I wondered what the normal amount of people a woman will sleep with is. I know I could google it but I thought I would ask it here. Obviously, since it's a poll I don't expect people to come out and say numbers.

Edit: I realised after I spelt "had" wrong. Maybe it was a freudian slip, haha.

i went through the same thing. the year of 2005 (age 17-18) were bad for me. more than half the guys ive slept with were in that year. I had also been raped and thought "if guys can use girls like they dont mean anything then I'm gonna do the same damnit!" so I basically went around and slept with whoever I could find as well. Now I dread the "numbers" talk coming up in relationships because my number is always like twice theirs. Oh well, you live and you learn.

You know, I dread the numbers talk too. It's interesting though, because some of my guy friends flaunt their "conquests" regularly. I doubt it's the norm to be quite as enthusiastic as they are, so I would never generalise, but it does seem vastly different for males and their "numbers".

i know that a lot of guys lie about their numbers too. my ex told me one number, one friend another number and another friend another number. i used to care but now im to the point where i don't really care about their past or mine bc i dont include my exes in my current life and neither does my current bf. now, me ex, him and his ex were still hanging out and talking all the time so i was more concerned but i think that just shows that i shouldnt have been with him in the first place lol

i've only been with one. i was CSA, though, so i think maybe my number would be different if i wasn't so scared of it.

i also dread the 'exes' talk, because my only partner before was a girl, and most guys only like that stuff if they are involved, not when they realise it was a long term (5 year) relationship.

so even though ive only had one sexual partner, it was the wrong type of partner to have, apparently.

Question:

Are you wanting to know the actual number of men we have had intercourse with or the number of people we have been sexual with.... I ask as some girls might of been sexual with several people, but only had sexual intercourse with their one and only... meaning they did everything under the sun (but intercourse) with the others.

You know, I didn't even consider that when I posted the poll and question, to be honest. I think sexual with either gender, with "everything under the sun" as you put it. Sorry about that!

Thanks for the quick reply... I asked because I had been sexual (very sexual) with a small hand full of guys... but I only had sexual intercourse with my then bf now husband of twenty-three years... love had to enter the picture for me before I could fully give of my self.

Some people say, when a female gives you the number of partners she's had, double or even triple it. I don't tell anyone my number anymore, not because it's high (it isn't), but because a) It's none of their business, and b) They probably won't believe me, anyway.

As long as you tell your partner if you have any known STDs or infections, and get tested regularly, and as long as you practice safe sex, they will have the information and protection to reduce their chances of getting infected.

I agree with Maven!!

i've never had a sexual partner unless my abuser counts i've found everything about sex disgusting so i always avoid it.

I'm not throwing accusations and judgment towards anyone here. I did answer the poll too. But, why are people so interested in how many people you've slept with? Why is it such a big deal?
There are people out there who enjoy sex and will sleep with someone for pleasure. There are people who only want to be intimate with someone they love. There is no 'normal' when it comes to how much or little you have it and who with.
Sorry, I'm kind of going off on one.

its not a big deal....no one is here is coming down on anyone or anything. no need to get defensive. just having a conversation.

[quote=silver_moon;991736]But, why are people so interested in how many people you've slept with? Why is it such a big deal?
quote]

I think people ask for insight into their own ways and /or to come to grips with a behavior they themselves may not feel comfortable with yet.

I personally took the question as a person wanting to knowing what is acceptable with women sexually.... because our society has so many different opinions on these things.

I did say I wasn't accusing or judging anyone. Is asking a question not involved in conversation? I wasn't aiming to cause argument or anything. It just seems that sex is such a big deal now-a-days. Years ago it was frowned upon with certain ages, cultures etc. Now there's so much talk about it (in media also) and there's so much pressure on children.
Nevermind. I was just putting forward my thoughts.

that's the problem with online forums - you don't get the tone of voice or facial expressions so some stuff comes across the wrong way. we're not trying to be mean or anything. just open conversation sorry if anything i said came across the wrong way or offended you.

I didn't take offense at the poll or the question. But it's a good point about society. And guys are allowed far more partners than women before they're judged negatively. As I've said before, I really don't like terms like "slut" and "skank," because there are no words that equal the disgust these words conjure towards the women they're aimed at. Some people might call men sluts and feel they're just as bad, but not society as a whole, and men often take such terms in humor and wear them proudly.

That said, I used to belong to an adult writing group, and one woman was proud to call herself a slut. I'm all for turning words meant to hurt you into a positive, but sometimes these words are used to hold women back.

I don't think being promiscuous is bad. I mean, I don't encourage it, because the risks are higher (but a person can get a disease or get pregnant just from one encounter, so nobody who's sexually active is immune), but I wouldn't avoid someone as a friend because of it, unless she slept with my partner. I wouldn't put them down for either liking sex or for having "issues" so that they sleep with many partners.

It amazes me how cruel people are. We now know that girls and women who are promiscuous often (not always) come from a sexually abusive background, yet we don't take pity or show concern towards these women, we scorn them. Why does society do that? Same thing with women in porn.

And look at how we are super-sensitive about sex in the U.S., particularly. The freest country in the world, and we have major hang-ups about sex. Europe is known for topless beaches, and it's no big deal there. But if you breastfeed in public or have a "wardrobe malfunction," the country gets all bent out of shape. It's just a breast! Nudity does not equal sex. Children aren't harmed by seeing naked people, unless those around them make such a big deal of it, it "sticks" with the child. You can teach your child you believe others' behaviors are wrong, but you don't have to freak out.

Sorry, got off on a rant there.

Maven, I really appreciate your post. I completely agree. Coming from a typical dysfunctional family and never really having much of a dad (and for clarification, you can have a dad but still not have a father figure) I went through the same kind of thing. In 2005 I found out that my dad had been cheating on my step-mom (they have since divorced) and that he spent a night in jail for trying to strangle her when she found out and confronted him about it.

After that, my number more than doubled. There was this man I had always put on a pedestal, the man who is supposed to show me that not all men are scum, and here he is, cheating and hitting a woman that had been in my life since age 7. So I kind of blew up and went into a deep depression and thought "if my own father can disrespect women like that then I'll do the same to men" and had several one-night stands and would intentionally lead men on specifically to sleep with them, get them hooked then never call them again because I saw that that's what my very own father did to women.

And now I'm pretty ashamed of the way i acted for pretty much the whole year of 2006. Over half the guys I have slept with were in that year alone. And I never really realized how much my father affected that. It really does affect you when your dad is just another pig. And what's even worse is that he gets extremely mad if someone does that stuff to me, but then he turns around and does it to my mother and step-mother. So yeah, I dont necessarily regret that year because I learned a lot about myself but if I could somehow take back all those guys and all the pain I caused them out of my own selfishness I would. Oh well, nothing to do now but learn from it.

And also, when I was in high school a kid I was friends with walked me home from summer school. He had a girlfriend but one day forced me to do stuff with him; I wont go into details. I told her, of course, and she dumped him, but then he went around and told the entire school that I wanted it and how much of a slut I was and that I basically forced him to cheat on his gf. So of course I developed the reputation of a slut and its kinda the same thing as being labeled a criminal before you do anything, you start to fit that role. So I felt like, if I have this reputation, that must mean I am one, and that completely ruined my self-esteem which I'm still recovering from.

Sorry....that was my rant lol

They say the kids always know, but I didn't. Sometime after my dad died (I was 17, two months shy of 18, when he died), my mom told me my dad had cheated on her when I was 12, and was surprised that I didn't know. I was angry, and decided that I'd be able to forgive him, but I needed to be angry for that time, and let the anger run its course. I think that was the healthy way to do it.

That said, I love men, but I also have a lot of issues with men. I know not all men are cheaters, mistreat women, or whatever other stereotypes I have. But I have experienced so much of it, it's hard for me to trust men sometimes. Actually, it's hard for me to trust people, but of course, there are certain issues that come only with men, at least for me, since my romances are sought with men.

Your story from summer school reminded me of a letter I wrote to the local paper once. I got so mad when this woman wrote about how this prostitute made her husband cheat on her. I was like, What did she do, put a gun to his head? Men are just as responsible for their actions as we are for ours. Guys CHOOSE to have sex and can choose NOT to have sex. Yet, we (as a society) tend to give guys a break, the woman seduces him, it's not the guy's fault, that's just how men are. They can't help it. The Devil's Domain they can't!!!

I have a similar thing that goes on in my head...people can't get past the past, and continue to think I am the same person I was 30 years ago, or even think I'm a person they thought I was years ago (accusing me of things I didn't do, but that I couldn't prove I didn't do), so why not be what they accuse me of? It gets you tired, and you want to just give up. But then I try to remember, those people don't define me. I do. To hell with them.

But even when I try to speak positively to myself, something will happen, and I'll start insulting myself, calling myself stupid and beating up on myself verbally all over again.

Oh yeah, know what you mean. I am female, bisexual and have had many partners. I have also done things where I have inflicted pain and made people feel unsafe with me. My partner now whom I have been with for 5 years knew I had been promiscuous but nearly fell off the chair when he wheedled it out of me.

Its bad when you say that you cannot remember, it has been so many. I lived with the demon of hurting people but do not regret my decision to "experiment". It wasn't until a guy wouldn't come home with me one night because he had heard I was a "player', that I realised where I was. A gentle choice of words.

No regrets and I have paid back my karmic dues tenfold.

I am well into my 50s, have had many sexual encounters. I was promiscuous and careless and thank God that I did not contract a sexual disease.

I have one thing to tell you: PLEASE PRACTICE SAFE SEX.

I couldn't agree more.

I will come right out and say it: I have had alot(like, ALOT) of sexual partners in my 26 years of life. However, I have ALWAYS practised safe sex, unless i was in a committed relationship where both have been tested. Of course, there has been the odd indiscrimanate time(I do have a suprise 14 month old after all).

Personally I don't think there is a thing wrong with having multiple or single or no or any partners. Its all personal choice and you do what makes you happy.

With that being said. Most of the partners I had before the age of 18 were had for the wrong reasons. At that point I was still looking for love in sex. When I was about that age, 17 or 18, I had a change in the way I veiwed sex and love and gained alot more confidence. Thats not to say i could have been considered no longer promiscuous or whatnot(i hate that word - it makes it sound so wrong to be sexual). Personally I dont put much stock into labels like that or the nasty things people sometimes call each other.

As long as you are doing whatever you are doing because you enjoy it and for the right reasons, and you are being safe and getting tested no matter what regularly, I say do what your heart desires. Sex is a healthy thing if done for the good reasons.

I've been a part of the alternative scene for a good peice of time now, so I tend to be much more open minded about this stuff.

Safe sex is good. I've had a fair amount of partners, most of them within the same year or so, and within that same year, lots of guys I was sexual with without actually having intercourse (you can still pass on STIs like that, so safe sex people!). I wasn't doing it because of abuse or looking for love or whatever, the plain and simple fact was that I enjoyed sex and I enjoyed the adventure of someone new, sometimes a stranger because there was a risk there and I liked it. It was exciting to me to think of the risks involved. Thank goodness nothing terrible happened. I am now very happily married.

It annoys me when people assume that just because a woman is having a lot of sex she must have been abused or suffering low self esteem, which may be the case for some, but not everyone. Lots of women enjoy sex. Nothing wrong with that.

As for the numbers talk, if you're healthy, happy and what not, it's not your partners business if you've been with 1 man or 100 men, nor is it his business if you've been treated for STIs (ones that don't stick around after the antibiotics that is) or if you've had any unwanted pregnancies (unless of course, there is a child in your life).

I have had just a few partners and I am ashamed because the few that I have had were all losers. I didn't love any of them they were all just convienent lays. I was mad at my dad the night I lost my virginity and it was my way of getting back at him because I knew he would lose his cool if he ever found out and boy was I ever right.

The last guy I was with ended up sexually assaulting me and I have emotional scars from that and now have a hard time trusting men because of what he did to me. I even think I see him and I have a panic attack. I was released from the psych ward early because there was a patient that was admitted that reminded me too much of him and it was causing me to backslide way too much so me and my doctor decided it was best for me to leave.

I wish I could go back and take back the first time because the guy I am in love with now has never been with anyone and I would have liked to been his first.

Jan