something i need to get out...

so i tell my friends that i have had sex before, but really I have not. I feel so left out for not having sex yet and I am 18 years old. I had one opportunity but I was really nervous and it just didn't end up working out. But now I am so scared for when my first time actually comes. help

Hi hon.

You know, I think its really GOOD that you haven't had sex yet.

Personally, I started at 13, and by the time I was your age I had had.. well, lets say over 50(yep, that bad) partners in my belt. I was WAY to immature to know what I was doing and was doing it for all the wrong reasons. You on the other hand, have a bit more life experience, and although it will be scary your first time, you will more likely be doing it for the right reasons

As for the first time - my advice is, try to relax. If you are not grossed out by masturbation or exploring yourself, do learn more about yourself so you know what you like and whatnot. It may hurt a tiny bit the first time, but its not terrible, i promise. And soon after, it starts feeling good, so its worth it if you are with the right person to not swear it off or whatnot. The other thing is this : Sex is never going to be as good as you see on tv. Well, thats not true..i guess it depends. But often what you see on tv or GASP even porn, lol. Is way hyped up. Everyone is different. But just don't expect the first time to be all earth shattering-so in love you are going to faint afterwards. LOL. Just relax when going into it and go into it with no expectations.

As for your friends, keep telling them you have had sex if it makes you more comfortable. I did this for certain hard drugs, I would say if offered that I had done them but didnt anymore. i found it made it alot easier. If anyone asks just say that you have decided to take a hiatus from having sex, until you find someone worth having sex with

I also think it is good that you have not had sex yet. There are many risks when it comes to premarital sex. I personally waited till marriage but I do understand why most people don't. When you do have sex, make sure it's for the right reasons. Not due to peer pressure or even pressure from yourself. Do it when you think it is right to do so. And you should know, it will hurt...pretty badly. The pain does go away and you do learn to enjoy sex. It won't hurt forever. Also, in actuality, you arn't missing that much (I think). Sex is nowhere near like the movies.

Yes, these ladies have offered great advice. And I totally agree, it's great to not rush it. I rushed my first time and pretended I had more experience than I did to impress the guy. Looking back, I wish I'd just embraced the newness and not judged myself. And the TV thing is so true! It takes time to figure out what feels right and find a partner who is right for you. I hope that when you have your first time it's with someone who is fun, caring, and respects you!

Don't let age be the running factor in you having sex - let the heart lead you and you will be ok.... I promise.

BTW - both my children didn't have sex until they were well into the 19th year of their life and they are boys (males).

Don't feel bad. You shouldn't have sex until you're ready! I didn't have sex until the day before my 23rd birthday, so you're not alone.

I think that before you have sex with someone, you should be totally comfortable with yourself and your body first! Get comfortable with your body and what you like, read some books, try some things on your own and then when you're ready you will know what to expect! Don't be concerned about your age, you have plenty of time!

Best Wishes,

TJ

Hi,
I agree, age doesn't matter. Who cares what your friends say and it' s none of their business . I also agree with educating yourself and getting to know your body. You will know when it's the right time and I hope it's with someone who cares about you alot and respects you.
It's sad for me as a mom to hear how the age for sex is getting younger and younger. Young teens are having sex randomly with very little emotional connection. Good for you that you respect yourself enough to choose and take your time because you're worth it and you value yourself. You should be PROUD.

I was in your same exact situation when I was 19, but unlike you I didnt have the good sense to be careful, wait, and say no. it was the single worst mistake of my life. dont let other people's expectations dictate who or when you have sex. It not like buying a piece of furniture, you cant ever take it back and you have to live with the consequences every day for the rest of your natural life. Take it from me, thats not a life you want to live.

Having sex shouldn't be a competition or a right of passage. Just because some of your friends and ppl you know may or may not have had sex doesn't mean that you have to as well in order to be deemed "normal". Sex is something special and you should wait till you are emotionally mature to handle it. For some women it is a very emotional experience having sex for the first time or even the 1000000000 time. I think that you would want your first time to be special and with someone that is "in love" with you and cares about you. Let the first time you have sex be when you are truly ready for it and you have taken the necesary precautions like birth control and condoms. Don't let what your friends or other ppl force you into having sex or make you feel like you dont fit in!

Please wait till you have thought about things and you have found a wonderful person to have sex with that is "in love" with you!