Difficult Colleagues

Dear all, I need some advice in handling a difficult colleague who has been causing some problems for me.

This is a co-worker who is a senior nurse who has more years of experience than me. Under her expectations, me being a newbie, she expects me to perform the work fast, to clear the workload. Although i know that she herself also had unfinished work, but yet always impose her unrealistic expectations on me. backgrd info, we are working in a healthcare sector whereby she is a nurse and me a junior therapist.

so i have some qns abt this:
1) I have heard abt some stereotypes abt unmarried female nurses who have certain bad personalities and these seem to be true for her. any of you have encounter difficult nurse colleagues as well?

2) her having more years of experience, she has an impatient personality and likes to impose her authority on junior staff, although she is not my reporting officer. how shld i deal with such people? i want to equip myself with smart techniques to manage such difficult people

3) although i have been advised to ignore her, this is not possible, as we work in a team and need her inputs on a daily basis. i cannot just ignore her demeaning behavior and want to learn how to manage her bad behavior. i just wish i could be more assertive as a younger worker but need some advice in this.

4) any specific phrases or attitude that i shld maintain to deal with such difficult people? an additional input, she is also a busybody person who likes to eavesdrop my conversation with other colleague then criticize me for not having good judgement in my work, but i dun understand, because no one else has such critical comments except her. everything that comes out of her mouth is negative. i've tried to use "fake praises" on her but i think it takes time to take effect.

I really hope you see this! you HAVE to pull her to the side and confront her about this and tell her exactly how you feel, in the most kind and respectful manner. I have dealt with a handful a bosses that had no communication or management skills. It may be hard for you to speak up but it's worse to suffer in silence!! You don't have to say much just briefly let her know how you feel and how she can better communicate with you so that you don't feel disrespected. No need to praise her, you owe her NOTHING, and when you do this she will have more respect for you!! So speak up even if your voice trembles.

Sorry please could you explain, what do you mean by your above statement?

I'm an RN with 6 month experience . The FF I have to report to once a week is that B "senior nurse" ok she is a miserable person with clashing personality.

She came in screaming in the office where the director was and supervisor was. I was like "UGh" yes I was upset and anxious for days after but I had a meeting with the DON talk to director of nursing about behavior.

Write down what you think are unprofessional behaviors that happened to you and the dates.

I won't even mention about stereotypes or "older women" what the hell lol

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Also. Maybe change shifts or unit. There will be mean nurses but also nice nurses I just try to do my job be extra nice to her ask how she is doing bull talk with her she is obviously paranoid and stressed out but it's no reason to try to hurt you.

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Okay, to reply to my earlier comment, I don't mean to emphasize on any stereotype.
But rather, it is a particular mean nurse colleague who had been picking on me and making life difficult. I realise that she often does this to new colleagues who have just joined the company. She would often do so as a way to "challenge" and "test" out people knowing that they are new and uninformed about various procedures in the company. then i saw this phrase called "nurses eating the young". =( dunno why does this behaviour still exist nowadays. tsk.

Ok, is there a manager you can talk to in confidence about her behavior towards you? This is bullying, whether you are new or not, it is unacceptable.

I agree with the poster above - you should talk to a manager if you haven't already. If someone who isn't my manager tells me to do something when I am busy doing something else, I say 'I can fit that in next week' or 'I'll add it to my list, but I can't do that today.'

The advice to ignore is also good. She is the way she is and you are not going to change her.

There are two ways to deal with this, and the fact of the matter is, there are ALWAYS going to be jerks in the workplace, and sometimes, they will be your supervisor. I would suggest using a medium-chill setting with her. Meaning, you listen to her directives, and let everything else she says go, just set her on ignore. Medium-chill is like treating her like a young child who just says things that you aren't going to engage with. So no matter what she throws at you, you just don't engage her, you just let it go.

The other thing you can do is talk to a manager or someone higher up. You have to be careful when you do this though so that YOU don't get labeled the troublemaker, since she has seniority.

Good luck,
Seesaw

I think the fact that you know that the negative stereotype of the single is a stereotype is self-evident proof that you should not immediately judge this woman. I am single and without children, but I am very pleasant, patient, and helpful. It sounds like this woman is difficult but her difficulty is not due to her single status nor to her childfree status.

Perhaps you can proactively offer her assistance and befriend her. Or perhaps you can talk to her openly about your concerns. Or perhaps you can go over her head to make a complaint to your superior. I would save the last to your last resort.

I just read my old posts... agree that there are bound to be bad apples in the workplace. eventually, i tried to use the medium chill approach with her, she was still pissed that it failed to get the response that she wanted and she continued to initiate fights with me. I spoke to the nurse manager, but it didnt help actually. eventually i left the organization. i just wonder... what methods i could have used against such people? i can't always resign from every job when i meet such people.

The weird thing abt this co worker is... I initially tried the approach that u suggested and did not work.
Befriended her - but she continued to initiate fights with me
Tried to address her concerns nicely - didn't help much
Asked from assistance from our superior and bosses - it helped a little, but the colleague soon reverted to her behavior few weeks later. in the end, i tried to seek some support from my other colleagues who were tolerating the poor work ethics of this person, and i eventually left the company =(

1. You could ask the nurse manager to reassign you to work with different people and not that particular nurse.

2. You could talk directly to the nurse about your concerns to make her aware that you are trying to establish a better relationship.

3. You could find other nurses she is bullying/being rude to and with those nurses as a group confront her, so she realizes there is a decent-sized group who can bring a human resources action against her. There is power in numbers.

4. You could secretly leave an article about being a nicer person and a nicer work colleague in her work mailbox. (only do this if no one will see you and there are no cameras at your workplace. Getting caught might look bad.)

5. You could drop hints around her about how you liked your last job a lot (don't say "better") because your co-workers at your last job were very supportive and morale was high. Doesn't she think it's important to work at a job where morale is high and employees help each other out?

6. You could frame your complaint as a patient's complaint or another nurses's complaint and say to her that you are speaking on behalf of that anonymous person who is concerned.

I'd vote for #1 above. transfer. They will NEVER CHANGE because some people are innately evil. There is NO HOPE for them. There is also NO HOPE for their managers if they are in love with venom.

I do think in some high stress professions that people treat newcomers with a sort of boot camp mentality and bark at you like a drill seargent to "toughen you up."

This is how I've handled it. Everyone is different. I went to a higher up and rather than "reporting a bully" I asked them advice on how to handle or grow through thiss difficult situation. I turned them into a mentor rather than someone I was tattling to.

Example: Nurse B has a tendency to yell at me and belittle me. When this happens I feel like I'm failing in my job or doing something wrong. I need some constructive criticism. How would you handle this?

They may say "meh, this is always how it is in the trenches for a newbie" or "you're doing fine, just ignore her" or even "well as matter of fact you could improve in "x" area."

Whatever the outcome is at least you reached out for help.

As the others said you may need to confront her directly. Do it in private, request a brief meeting with her. Bring a note pad. Ask her how she thinks you should improve and tell her how you feel when she rides you like that. If she says something like you don't do your work fast enough. Ask her for specific examples of how you can work faster. Write it down. Try to stick to the facts.

If she does in fact have a personal problem with you it will become clear in this meeting. You have your notebook to document this.

Thank you and appreciate much of your sharing of the advice.
I am sad to say that I have developed work anxiety due to the experience and have resigned. Wished that i had received these advice at an earlier stage ...

Don't feel bad for leaving, your health is more important than anything. I did the same. In the contrary of you, I had a mob against me. It started with 2 women who were jealous and would side eyed me, and bullied me. I ignored them and tried to do my job and they spoke on my back and turned their colleagues against me. One even assaulted me. I left because the HR didn't do anything to the woman who assaulted me, they even tried to put it on me.... Like you I suffered anxiety and flashbacks and anger because I didn't get justice. I know that I won't let it happen again and I try to be selective of where I work and to assert myself. There are a lot of toxic, narcissistic and unhappy people out there. I think the best you could have done was to ask to change team or confront her openly and strongly. I don't believe in being friendwith these types of people.