[TerryL]

whenever i lost a pet i would feel so guilty about their deaths that i would get very depressed. and i couldn't shake the guilt. the same thing happened when i lost my mother. all the couldas and shouldas. so i have been depressed for almost 16 years now. i quit my job and just temped because i was an emotional basketcase. i finally found a permanent job a few years ago but had to quit that when my pet became disabled. then when he died, i felt guilty again. i always try my best for my pets but always miss something in their care. sigh. i am currently trying again to find permanent work again but have had no luck. my soul has been so worn down by my guilt i am wondering if people can see or feel that. my hair is also gray so that doesn't help i think. i can dye it i guess. i can't believe i have to look for work at an age when most people are thinking of retiring. that is depressing too..

[gayleggg]

I know what you mean. Looking for full time work is hard. All anybody wants is partimers or temps. I wish you luck in you quest for a job.

[ABC1357]

I know pet loss is super hard. I almost always have pet since childhood, but I never get used to it. They are my only best friends. I feel I could do more. But if we did everything we could do to make them happy, I think what we can do is to rescue another one and provide a loving home...

[eyesclosed]

Losing pets is like losing your best friend because they are and guilt and grief are very hard grieving is normal but it seems some of us are more fragile than others. I had 15 jobs in 8 yrs before them I had 2 in 24 yrs and yes there is age discrimination. It sounds like your in good standing with the temp work if possible take as much time as needed and get another pet sorry for your loss.

[Misssy2]

Its hard to find a job and even harder in my opinion as we get older because business are looking for the young, educated, fresh faces...

I never even tried after leaving a career of 19 years (30 total in the business). I lost all confidence.

I see so many opportunities that I know I would be good at but I wont apply because I'm afraid I will fail.

I understand too that being in the emotional state you are in that you are unable to pull from the confidence that one needs to land a job.

I also think a temp job is best. And how about in the meantime applying for Social Security Disability (if you have any documented mental or physical conditions that could keep you from being able to get or maintain employment).

Do you see a psychiatrist and therapist? it would be helpful to you if you decided to apply for disability giving you a steady income until retirement and possibly we have to work at least part time to maintain a certain standard of living.

I agree that working with a temp agency vs. applying for a permanent job seems to be the best option for you until you can get your emotions into control.

Your pets..this kind of threw me off because I am not very close to my pet and it would never impact my decisions on employment. Do you like cats? Cause they require little care...they enjoy laying around and then they are also love-able when you are available.

Dogs - In my opinion can bring much guilt to a working person because they need to be walked...and entertained..I just don't have the energy for that...and if you HAVE to work..than I think at this time a dog is not in your best interest - I'm sorry

[TerryL]

Originally Posted by Misssy2

Its hard to find a job and even harder in my opinion as we get older because business are looking for the young, educated, fresh faces...

I never even tried after leaving a career of 19 years (30 total in the business). I lost all confidence.

I see so many opportunities that I know I would be good at but I wont apply because I'm afraid I will fail.

I understand too that being in the emotional state you are in that you are unable to pull from the confidence that one needs to land a job.

I also think a temp job is best. And how about in the meantime applying for Social Security Disability (if you have any documented mental or physical conditions that could keep you from being able to get or maintain employment).

Do you see a psychiatrist and therapist? it would be helpful to you if you decided to apply for disability giving you a steady income until retirement and possibly we have to work at least part time to maintain a certain standard of living.

I agree that working with a temp agency vs. applying for a permanent job seems to be the best option for you until you can get your emotions into control.

Your pets..this kind of threw me off because I am not very close to my pet and it would never impact my decisions on employment. Do you like cats? Cause they require little care...they enjoy laying around and then they are also love-able when you are available.

Dogs - In my opinion can bring much guilt to a working person because they need to be walked...and entertained..I just don't have the energy for that...and if you HAVE to work..than I think at this time a dog is not in your best interest - I'm sorry

part of me is not sure if my age has anything to do with my not getting hired. I have been on the "hirer" end of an interview and we chose the person we felt was most qualified, their age did not factor into our decision at all. I think my shyness and low self-esteem could be part of it. i get a bit anxious at having to fit in at work.

I don't think I qualify for disability. I don't currently see a t or pdoc. I would love to but don't know who is a good one. plus I am on Medicaid so the choices are slim. I used to see ts for my guilt but none of them really helped me longterm and I had to pay out of pocket as I didn't have insurance at the time so I did not go too much.

temping has its pros and cons. lately I have had a string of disappointing temp jobs. as mentioned above, I am shy with low self esteem so fitting in is an issue sometimes. although I was always hopeful at the start of each assignment. one never knew what the job or people would be like. a box of chocolates

my guilt over my bunnies' and my mother's deaths is the biggest thing in my life. I don't have human children so I viewed my bunnies as my children. but caring for them can be very stressful as rabbits are very fragile. I tend to get very tunnel-visioned and don't often see the big picture. I missed the signs of their and my mother's illness. the guilt of this has haunted me and is always beneath the surface somewhere. i don't think it will ever go away. thank you for your kindness.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by Misssy2

Its hard to find a job and even harder in my opinion as we get older because business are looking for the young, educated, fresh faces...

I never even tried after leaving a career of 19 years (30 total in the business). I lost all confidence.

I see so many opportunities that I know I would be good at but I wont apply because I'm afraid I will fail.

I understand too that being in the emotional state you are in that you are unable to pull from the confidence that one needs to land a job.

I also think a temp job is best. And how about in the meantime applying for Social Security Disability (if you have any documented mental or physical conditions that could keep you from being able to get or maintain employment).

Do you see a psychiatrist and therapist? it would be helpful to you if you decided to apply for disability giving you a steady income until retirement and possibly we have to work at least part time to maintain a certain standard of living.

I agree that working with a temp agency vs. applying for a permanent job seems to be the best option for you until you can get your emotions into control.

Your pets..this kind of threw me off because I am not very close to my pet and it would never impact my decisions on employment. Do you like cats? Cause they require little care...they enjoy laying around and then they are also love-able when you are available.

Dogs - In my opinion can bring much guilt to a working person because they need to be walked...and entertained..I just don't have the energy for that...and if you HAVE to work..than I think at this time a dog is not in your best interest - I'm sorry

Going to respectfully disagree here. Even if you work full-time, adopting a dog is a great thing to do. A dog spending 8 hours waiting for you at home is much happier than sitting in a kennel in a shelter or waiting to be euthanized. And dogs are great for getting you out for that morning or evening walk/jog to lose weight. Many dogs are pretty low energy too. You can absolutely find one to fit into your lifestyle.

I work 60 hours or more a week and I have my own dog and I foster a dog temporarily. I suffer from major chronic depression and PTSD, and the one thing that keeps me sane is the dogs. If I didn't have them in my life, I would likely break down entirely. But they bring me so much joy, I am able to cope with work and all the other crap in the world.

It's normal to grieve over a pet, and maybe take a day or two off work, but I think if your grief for your pet is keeping you from work entirely and you have to quit your job, then you need to see a therapist. Also, there is nothing wrong with rescuing another pet to honor the pet you have just lost.

I have also been on the hiring side, and I will say that age never mattered much to me, it has to do with experience, energy and ideas. As you get older, you have to make more and more an effort to keep up with technology and social media that younger generations are using or you will become irrelevant. It's a hard truth, but it is true. If you work in marketing, and you can't stay up on the latest marketing systems, you aren't going to be hired.

Look into getting some counseling, and when you have had enough time pass, maybe look into rescuing another bunny to honor the one you lost.

Good luck,
seesaw

[TerryL]

Originally Posted by seesaw

Going to respectfully disagree here. Even if you work full-time, adopting a dog is a great thing to do. A dog spending 8 hours waiting for you at home is much happier than sitting in a kennel in a shelter or waiting to be euthanized. And dogs are great for getting you out for that morning or evening walk/jog to lose weight. Many dogs are pretty low energy too. You can absolutely find one to fit into your lifestyle.

I work 60 hours or more a week and I have my own dog and I foster a dog temporarily. I suffer from major chronic depression and PTSD, and the one thing that keeps me sane is the dogs. If I didn't have them in my life, I would likely break down entirely. But they bring me so much joy, I am able to cope with work and all the other crap in the world.

It's normal to grieve over a pet, and maybe take a day or two off work, but I think if your grief for your pet is keeping you from work entirely and you have to quit your job, then you need to see a therapist. Also, there is nothing wrong with rescuing another pet to honor the pet you have just lost.

I have also been on the hiring side, and I will say that age never mattered much to me, it has to do with experience, energy and ideas. As you get older, you have to make more and more an effort to keep up with technology and social media that younger generations are using or you will become irrelevant. It's a hard truth, but it is true. If you work in marketing, and you can't stay up on the latest marketing systems, you aren't going to be hired.

Look into getting some counseling, and when you have had enough time pass, maybe look into rescuing another bunny to honor the one you lost.

Good luck,
seesaw

I agree about the interview thing. I think employers usually pick the person who can do the job best. well at least I hope.
as for grieving over my bunnies, a lot of people don't even understand grief over a bunny as they don't return affection much like dogs or some cats would. but i didn't care, i love animals so much i don't care if the love is a one-way street. i wish i could get over it in a day or two. some have taken years. it is the guilt issue which won't go away. i no longer have peace in my heart. i have seen about 9 ts over the years but none of them really helped. i did find a great pet loss counselor who became one because she lost her bunny but i can no longer find her. no more pets for me. i do volunteer at the shelter and am currently fostering a bunny.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by TerryL

I agree about the interview thing. I think employers usually pick the person who can do the job best. well at least I hope.
as for grieving over my bunnies, a lot of people don't even understand grief over a bunny as they don't return affection much like dogs or some cats would. but i didn't care, i love animals so much i don't care if the love is a one-way street. i wish i could get over it in a day or two. some have taken years. it is the guilt issue which won't go away. i no longer have peace in my heart. i have seen about 10 ts over the years but none of them really helped. i did find a great pet loss counselor who became one because she lost her bunny but i can no longer find her. no more pets for me. i do volunteer at the shelter and am currently fostering a bunny.

Fostering can be very therapeutic. Just let yourself grieve and don't judge yourself too harshly for it.

[Misssy2]

Originally Posted by TerryL

part of me is not sure if my age has anything to do with my not getting hired. I have been on the "hirer" end of an interview and we chose the person we felt was most qualified, their age did not factor into our decision at all. I think my shyness and low self-esteem could be part of it. i get a bit anxious at having to fit in at work.

I don't think I qualify for disability. I don't currently see a t or pdoc. I would love to but don't know who is a good one. plus I am on Medicaid so the choices are slim. I used to see ts for my guilt but none of them really helped me longterm and I had to pay out of pocket as I didn't have insurance at the time so I did not go too much.

temping has its pros and cons. lately I have had a string of disappointing temp jobs. as mentioned above, I am shy with low self esteem so fitting in is an issue sometimes. although I was always hopeful at the start of each assignment. one never knew what the job or people would be like. a box of chocolates

my guilt over my bunnies' and my mother's deaths is the biggest thing in my life. I don't have human children so I viewed my bunnies as my children. but caring for them can be very stressful as rabbits are very fragile. I tend to get very tunnel-visioned and don't often see the big picture. I missed the signs of their and my mother's illness. the guilt of this has haunted me and is always beneath the surface somewhere. i don't think it will ever go away. thank you for your kindness.

"I missed the signs of their and my mothers illness".

Hi, you are putting WAY too much pressure on yourself

We have to remember that we are not God...and everything happens for a reason. We may not know the reason at the time of events like this...but sometimes that reason is revealed to us.

It could be that the intented reason for losing the mother of the bunnies was that you are in line to save another bunny or another animal.

It could be the intent was to have you quit your job for an upcoming wonderful experience and opportunity.

As far as the passing of your bunnies mother...I wish you could look at it like this...when a human gets sick....sometimes even the human itself ignores the signs of illness (you didn't ignore the signs of the bunnies sickness...you just didn't KNOW). And when a human is sick...everything possible is done to save the human but ya know...sometiimes nothing can be done and it is THAT persons "time" to pass.

For the mother of the bunnies....IF you knew the bunny was sick you may have done something different...but it doesn't mean that the bunny would have been saved....you are not God, you are not going to know possibly if even another bunny or dog is sick...but you DO know that as soon as you find out...you would do anything in your power to assist the animal in getting medical care and that still may not work. Death is a part of all life...and it is not your fault the bunny or your Mom passed on.

What is your guilt over your Mom? What do you think you could have possibly have done different?

[Misssy2]

Originally Posted by seesaw

Going to respectfully disagree here. Even if you work full-time, adopting a dog is a great thing to do. A dog spending 8 hours waiting for you at home is much happier than sitting in a kennel in a shelter or waiting to be euthanized. And dogs are great for getting you out for that morning or evening walk/jog to lose weight. Many dogs are pretty low energy too. You can absolutely find one to fit into your lifestyle.

I work 60 hours or more a week and I have my own dog and I foster a dog temporarily. I suffer from major chronic depression and PTSD, and the one thing that keeps me sane is the dogs. If I didn't have them in my life, I would likely break down entirely. But they bring me so much joy, I am able to cope with work and all the other crap in the world.

It's normal to grieve over a pet, and maybe take a day or two off work, but I think if your grief for your pet is keeping you from work entirely and you have to quit your job, then you need to see a therapist. Also, there is nothing wrong with rescuing another pet to honor the pet you have just lost.

I have also been on the hiring side, and I will say that age never mattered much to me, it has to do with experience, energy and ideas. As you get older, you have to make more and more an effort to keep up with technology and social media that younger generations are using or you will become irrelevant. It's a hard truth, but it is true. If you work in marketing, and you can't stay up on the latest marketing systems, you aren't going to be hired.

Look into getting some counseling, and when you have had enough time pass, maybe look into rescuing another bunny to honor the one you lost.

Good luck,
seesaw

Hi seesaw....yes, I guess it IS better for a dog to sit in a comfortable home and wait for the owner to arrive rather than sitting in a shelter..

I had a dog for 18 years...and I always felt SO guilty for being at work all day and not giving him much attention because of my job and my children...just were "children" and weren't BIG at all in taking him for a walk.

So THANK YOU for giving me a different prespective on this topic. Because when my dog passed one thing I said to the spirit was "I'm sorry I didn't give you the life you deserved"....and now I feel like your comments on this have erased the guilt that I have had for the past 4 years since his passing....

[Misssy2]

Originally Posted by TerryL

part of me is not sure if my age has anything to do with my not getting hired. I have been on the "hirer" end of an interview and we chose the person we felt was most qualified, their age did not factor into our decision at all. I think my shyness and low self-esteem could be part of it. i get a bit anxious at having to fit in at work.

I don't think I qualify for disability. I don't currently see a t or pdoc. I would love to but don't know who is a good one. plus I am on Medicaid so the choices are slim. I used to see ts for my guilt but none of them really helped me longterm and I had to pay out of pocket as I didn't have insurance at the time so I did not go too much.

temping has its pros and cons. lately I have had a string of disappointing temp jobs. as mentioned above, I am shy with low self esteem so fitting in is an issue sometimes. although I was always hopeful at the start of each assignment. one never knew what the job or people would be like. a box of chocolates

my guilt over my bunnies' and my mother's deaths is the biggest thing in my life. I don't have human children so I viewed my bunnies as my children. but caring for them can be very stressful as rabbits are very fragile. I tend to get very tunnel-visioned and don't often see the big picture. I missed the signs of their and my mother's illness. the guilt of this has haunted me and is always beneath the surface somewhere. i don't think it will ever go away. thank you for your kindness.

Hi Terry, yes, now that I think about it..I was also an interviewer in my last career and age was never a factor or never came up in the about 10 interviews I participated in with my peers.....So, I can erase that thought from my head if I ever venture out

You could still qualify for disability and could still start seeing a pdoc and tdoc.

Are you saying that you are not on any medication for your mental illness?

[TerryL]

Originally Posted by Misssy2

"I missed the signs of their and my mothers illness".
Hi, you are putting WAY too much pressure on yourself

We have to remember that we are not God...and everything happens for a reason. We may not know the reason at the time of events like this...but sometimes that reason is revealed to us.

It could be that the intented reason for losing the mother of the bunnies was that you are in line to save another bunny or another animal.

It could be the intent was to have you quit your job for an upcoming wonderful experience and opportunity.

As far as the passing of your bunnies mother...I wish you could look at it like this...when a human gets sick....sometimes even the human itself ignores the signs of illness (you didn't ignore the signs of the bunnies sickness...you just didn't KNOW). And when a human is sick...everything possible is done to save the human but ya know...sometiimes nothing can be done and it is THAT persons "time" to pass.

For the mother of the bunnies....IF you knew the bunny was sick you may have done something different...but it doesn't mean that the bunny would have been saved....you are not God, you are not going to know possibly if even another bunny or dog is sick...but you DO know that as soon as you find out...you would do anything in your power to assist the animal in getting medical care and that still may not work. Death is a part of all life...and it is not your fault the bunny or your Mom passed on.

What is your guilt over your Mom? What do you think you could have possibly have done different?

hi misssy2, I unfortunately don't believe in the concept of everything happens for a reason. I felt that if I only had done certain things, my mom and my bunnies might have lived longer.

my bunny was handicapped and became soiled so I had to give him a butt bath, even knowing bathing a bunny is very risky as they get cold and stressed easily and can die from the shock. but the soiling was bad. well, my bunny did go into shock from his butt bath because he did get cold. I tried to warm him up at home for 6 hours because I was afraid if I took him to the vet the stress of the car trip would push him over the edge. bunnies are prey animals and stress out very easily. i also thought he just needed warming up. he started to eat so I thought he was recovering. but then he relapsed and stopped eating and by then he really was too fragile to take to the vet. I wish I had taken him when he first went into shock...he died in my arms. he depended on me totally and I feel I let him down.

as for my mom, we each lived in our own place, although only a few minutes apart. I visited her every day. she was elderly but was spry and was even still driving. but I did worry about her living on her own. I would have moved in with her except her building did not allow pets. I could not see giving up my bunnies as I had had them for so long. they were like my kids. I had also gone through enormous guilt after i lost other bunnies a few years before so I did not want to go through any more bunny death guilt and was ultra careful with their care. rehoming a bunny is scary as it is hard to find a good, responsible bunny owner who won't just leave them in a cage. (mine are free roam) so mom said let's just keep the living arrangement as is. I begged her to come live with me but I don't think she wanted to live with 2 rabbits and also she loved her place. after her death, my sister told me she had told my mother not to move in with me, since she loved her place so. I wish she hadn't told my mom that. anyways, I told my mother I was worried I would find her dead on the floor one day. but she was not worried. i tried to get her a life alert system but she did not like that. i offered to install hand rails in her apartment but she rejected that. she had had a recurrence of her breast cancer so we had to go get a bone scan. I had googled the procedure and the article had said to drink lots of water after that kind of scan. the hospital had not instructed that. so I told mom to drink lots of water. the next day we went out and she was so unusually out of it. I called her later that day and she said that she had not had much sleep the night before because she had drunk 6 glasses of water and was going to the bathroom all night. omg.. I did not realize she was going to drink that much water.. anyways, the next day I was not feeling well and so I was late going to visit her. I found her on the floor of her bathroom. she was gone. if only I had moved in with her, I might have been there when she collapsed. if only i hadn't told her to drink that water as i later found out too much liquids can stress the heart. she had had a pressure in her chest a month before and we had gone to the er. the er doc said he did not see anything serious. I believe it was just something to do with her potassium levels. but my guard should have been up as my mom never complains so for her to complain about chest pains...I should have moved in with her right away. but I was so worried something would happen to my bunnies and that i would be deep in guilt again. I didn't even think of the simple solution of moving in with her and going to visit the bunnies. I only thought of that after she died. so I feel I did not do everything I could have to keep my mother safe. i really regret not moving in with her. i know people say even if i had been living with her i could have been out when she collapsed but at least i would have tried my darndest to keep her safe. my sis said I chose the bunnies over mom. (yes she can be cruel and blunt) I corrected her by saying I chose myself over mom...

[TerryL]

misssy2, i hope one day you will venture out again, if you feel you need to. you can do it! older workers can bring maturity and stability and wisdom.
no i am not on any meds for my depression. i don't like to take meds.