My life and career gone to hell, all in one fell swoop.

First, I was reduced from full-time to part-time in my job last summer.

Next, I am being demoted and the majority of my role is now being outsourced to a consultant in my field. I must have failed in my job somehow. HR has not yet explained to me what happened and if my hours will be impacted again. HR is out of the office for a while.

I have failed to obtain a full-time position in my field, despite all my best efforts to study and be knowledgeable in my field.

I have failed personality tests and skills based tests.

I am a complete failure, and I am dying inside. I am at total loss.

I think I am going to have to change career directions because I am such a failure.

I have not failed anything really in my whole life.... I've given up on certain career directions, but I have not really failed to date.

And now I have. I want to just die.

[Carmina]

[divine1966]

You aren’t a failure.

Not every kind of set up is right for every person. This job might have a wrong set up. Maybe them making people work from home is a bad set up as you don’t get to learn from other people, maybe they aren’t good at providing timely feedback, why aren’t they pointing things out ahead of time? Or maybe your skills could be used in a different field, if you are trained in digital/computer field, then maybe these skills could be used elsewhere: tech support for schools or colleges or hospitals, IT, billing etc Or maybe corporate world isn’t your thing and you need something slower pace. Corporate business world isn’t for everyone

[seesaw]

You are not a failure. And you are not a failure in your field. You are engaging in an automatic negative thought processes, two of them actually, called Generalizing and Labeling.

You're generalizing that because of one situation that it means you're a failure, instead of looking at ALL the evidence and facts that speak to the contrary.

You're labeling yourself a failure in one fell swoop instead of looking at everything else you've got going for you.

I'm going to diverge for just a second: I had two bad jobs in a row, the one I left when I got sick and the one I just got fired from. That's like 7 years of my life that I could call myself a failure for. But I don't because I recognize that in that time I did really good work, even though in the end, I had to leave one job for my health and being forced out, and in the last one, I got fired. But does that mean I was a failure at the job? Heck no! It means that it wasn't the right fit, for whatever reason. I didn't fit in that office environment or it was an unhealthy environment or I didn't get along with the co-workers (not in an unprofessional way just personality clash).

So let's look at the evidence. You got a new manager for your team at work. This person has decided to cut your hours and change things. That is the story as old as time. Every new manager comes in and decides that they want to overhaul systems or bring in their people or whatever. You are assuming you know why they cut your hours when you don't, because you can't read that person's mind.

Not being the new manager's favorite or chosen one does not make you a failure.

So you've been looking for new work for a year and haven't found it yet. YET. That's the operative word there. I've been looking for a new job since before I was fired. So yeah, it's been about a year for me too, and I haven't been hired full-time either. Do I think it makes me a failure? No sir-ee. I have written down all the things I have achieved for my freelance clients, even in this short period of time, and I am good at what I do and not a failure.

I know it's tough to stay positive. And I know even hearing the words "Stay positive" makes you want to reach through the screen and punch me. (I want to punch myself saying it.) But if you allow negative thought processes to take over, they will. You'll dig yourself into a pit of despair that you can't climb out of.

I am sure you are good at what you do. Maybe it's time to take a step back and look at other professions or look at becoming a consultant yourself.

For example, you run a blog that you've received a lot of compliments on...maybe look at something in the writing field.

Also, check out UpWork.com and Freelancer.com. There are other freelance communities out there. If you feel like hustling, you could absolutely find work, and also, get repeat clients.

One of my repeat ongoing clients came from UpWork and she has been awesome to work with. I make about $500 a month from her. (Be careful on Freelancer.com, I literally just spent an hour dealing with a customer support issue with them.)

You are not a failure. One year of your life doesn't make you a failure. One job does not make you a failure. You haven't failed at your job because you can't find a new one, you just haven't found one yet.

And you're not a failure if you choose to change gears. You're smart if you recognize challenges and choose to address them by opening your horizons and looking for more opportunities.

How you feel about yourself is all in how you frame it.

Seesaw

Originally Posted by divine1966

You aren’t a failure.

Not every kind of set up is right for every person. This job might have a wrong set up. Maybe them making people work from home is a bad set up as you don’t get to learn from other people, maybe they aren’t good at providing timely feedback, why aren’t they pointing things out ahead of time? Or maybe your skills could be used in a different field, if you are trained in digital/computer field, then maybe these skills could be used elsewhere: tech support for schools or colleges or hospitals, IT, billing etc Or maybe corporate world isn’t your thing and you need something slower pace. Corporate business world isn’t for everyone

Thank you, Divine. My current position has certainly not been set up for success. My boss rarely implemented my suggestions; she sucks as a manager of employees; she doesn't hold meetings with me; she doesn't oversee my workload (I've had to come up with my own tasks, which then are limited because she hasn't implemented many of my suggestions and ideas); and we don't have team meetings where I can learn and contribute.

Basically, my job has sucked & has held me back from feeling successful.... I have been solo for almost three years and have barely been able to succeed, even though the stats on my resume show some amount of success with what I've done. Working from home all alone in this role hasn't helped either.

You've made some good points, ty.

Originally Posted by seesaw

You are not a failure. And you are not a failure in your field. You are engaging in an automatic negative thought processes, two of them actually, called Generalizing and Labeling.

You're generalizing that because of one situation that it means you're a failure, instead of looking at ALL the evidence and facts that speak to the contrary.

You're labeling yourself a failure in one fell swoop instead of looking at everything else you've got going for you.

I'm going to diverge for just a second: I had two bad jobs in a row, the one I left when I got sick and the one I just got fired from. That's like 7 years of my life that I could call myself a failure for. But I don't because I recognize that in that time I did really good work, even though in the end, I had to leave one job for my health and being forced out, and in the last one, I got fired. But does that mean I was a failure at the job? Heck no! It means that it wasn't the right fit, for whatever reason. I didn't fit in that office environment or it was an unhealthy environment or I didn't get along with the co-workers (not in an unprofessional way just personality clash).

So let's look at the evidence. You got a new manager for your team at work. This person has decided to cut your hours and change things. That is the story as old as time. Every new manager comes in and decides that they want to overhaul systems or bring in their people or whatever. You are assuming you know why they cut your hours when you don't, because you can't read that person's mind.

Not being the new manager's favorite or chosen one does not make you a failure.

So you've been looking for new work for a year and haven't found it yet. YET. That's the operative word there. I've been looking for a new job since before I was fired. So yeah, it's been about a year for me too, and I haven't been hired full-time either. Do I think it makes me a failure? No sir-ee. I have written down all the things I have achieved for my freelance clients, even in this short period of time, and I am good at what I do and not a failure.

I know it's tough to stay positive. And I know even hearing the words "Stay positive" makes you want to reach through the screen and punch me. (I want to punch myself saying it.) But if you allow negative thought processes to take over, they will. You'll dig yourself into a pit of despair that you can't climb out of.

I am sure you are good at what you do. Maybe it's time to take a step back and look at other professions or look at becoming a consultant yourself.

For example, you run a blog that you've received a lot of compliments on...maybe look at something in the writing field.

Also, check out UpWork.com and Freelancer.com. There are other freelance communities out there. If you feel like hustling, you could absolutely find work, and also, get repeat clients.

One of my repeat ongoing clients came from UpWork and she has been awesome to work with. I make about $500 a month from her. (Be careful on Freelancer.com, I literally just spent an hour dealing with a customer support issue with them.)

You are not a failure. One year of your life doesn't make you a failure. One job does not make you a failure. You haven't failed at your job because you can't find a new one, you just haven't found one yet.

And you're not a failure if you choose to change gears. You're smart if you recognize challenges and choose to address them by opening your horizons and looking for more opportunities.

How you feel about yourself is all in how you frame it.

Seesaw

Seesaw, thank you....

You also make some very good points!

Right now, I think depression is coloring my vision and my thoughts about everything, especially my career. I am seeing doomsday instead of hope. I am seeing all negatives instead of positives or progress. My mind has gone to the complete negative. I know I need to challenge these thoughts.... I'm just so tired of it all, I am barely holding it together.

Those sites you mention (like Upwork), I believe you need to submit a proposal and compete with others. I am not up for that amount of work, though it's a great suggestion nonetheless.

I am going to look at other jobs within marketing that may apply to me. I need to broaden my search. I am not in a position to be a consultant in my field as I would need access to many expensive paid tools to be successful. It is very hard without the right tools. I am also not up for hustling. I have no energy left... I am barely surviving. All I can do is cry my eyes out right now.... depression has its grip on me. UGH. I need to somehow snap out of it and snap into action. Baby steps I suppose....

[hvert]

A bad job really wears on your self esteem. You will find something better than the job you had. There's a better manager out there, one who wants you to succeed. Work is so hard

Originally Posted by hvert

A bad job really wears on your self esteem. You will find something better than the job you had. There's a better manager out there, one who wants you to succeed. Work is so hard

TY. It does wear on your self esteem. I hope there's a better manager for me.... work is definitely SO hard!

I have two interviews today and tomorrow and I already feel I am not going to do well.

Being demoted in my job has effected my confidence greatly, and I still have no answers from HR as to why or what happened... if it was due to my performance or strategies.

I know I am going to fail these interviews and. not get a job offer. I might as well just throw in the towel now and accept that I am a big fat failure in my career.

[TishaBuv]

My sister has a Ph.D in psychology and hit a dead end in her field. Long story short, she only teaches a few classes and makes barely any money. She could have swallowed her pride and started working in some other job where she made much more money...like waiting tables in a fine restaurant, for example.

I told her I’d be a stripper before I allowed myself to earn barely anything and deprive my kids due to pride.

I’m not saying give up your field. I’m just saying, there’s no shame in doing something else, even if that seems beneath you, to make a lot of money, if that’s what you want.

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

My sister has a Ph.D in psychology and hit a dead end in her field. Long story short, she only teaches a few classes and makes barely any money. She could have swallowed her pride and started working in some other job where she made much more money...like waiting tables in a fine restaurant, for example.

I told her I’d be a stripper before I allowed myself to earn barely anything and deprive my kids due to pride.

I’m not saying give up your field. I’m just saying, there’s no shame in doing something else, even if that seems beneath you, to make a lot of money, if that’s what you want.

TY Tisha.

I don't know what I am going to do. I may see a career counselor. I am clearly hitting a brick wall and am not getting anywhere. It must be ME..... I don't know enough, I am not good enough, and I am not successful enough.

And here, I thought I was OK. My resume looks great, and I look like a big success. Several recruiters have told me that my resume is stellar.

But I am not getting any job offers, so it's gotta be ME. I am not rocking these interviews, no matter how hard I try and no matter how much I study beforehand so I am well equipped with the knowledge needed for the role. I try so hard, and fail every single time!

I cannot keep going through this. My self-esteem is at an all time low.

[hvert]

A career counselor sounds like a great idea - or a mock interview workshop through your state's career center? You're ahead of the game already with a resume that gets you interviews. I hope your luck changes soon!

Have you desperately wanted to work for any of the places you've interviewed at so far?

Originally Posted by hvert

A career counselor sounds like a great idea - or a mock interview workshop through your state's career center? You're ahead of the game already with a resume that gets you interviews. I hope your luck changes soon!

Have you desperately wanted to work for any of the places you've interviewed at so far?

Thank you! No, I have not desperately wanted to work at any place yet... not really!

[seesaw]

I have found that I am in a pickle in my career where I have too much experience for a lot of positions, yet not quite enough to make the jump up to executive management. I'm stuck in senior management land until I find just the right fit...but my solution, which I think it going to help me make the jump, was to employ myself. I know that's not necessarily possible for everyone.

I think you may be in a similar situation though - where you are great at what you do, you do have a great resume, you probably interview well too, but maybe you are stuck in Goldilocks land where you're overqualified for many jobs but not quite experienced enough to jump up yet. A career counselor may be able to help you figure out either how to make that jump or how to reposition yourself.

It doesn't mean you are a failure or a loser. You're just at a point in your career where you start have to making some decisions. We only have to do that a few times in our entire career anyway, and with no clear choice in front of you, no wonder it feels so frustrating and difficult.

Regardless of what I'm going through right now with the struggle for finances, to bring in enough work (I'm moving ahead without a line of credit or a business loan at this point, and when I get kicked off of SSDI after reporting my earnings, if I don't hustle, I'm going to be in trouble), I keep reminding myself to have faith in myself. I've created this plan, the plan can work, and I just have to have faith in myself and my abilities.

I feel like you have lost faith in yourself and your abilities because of what one new manager said. When my new supervisor took over at my last job, she ended up letting me go pretty quickly, without getting to know me or my work abilities at all. (Granted, there were a whole host of problems with her.) I let that destroy me for nearly 6 months. Until I started to realize all the employers who had been happy with my work, all the clients who gave me stellar reviews, and all the people in my life who have told me how great I am to work with and how good I am at my job.

Make a list of all the times you've been praised, promoted, patted on the back, whatever, all your achievements. I think you will find it's a lot more than this one experience that you're going through right now. Have faith in yourself.

If you keep calling yourself a failure and a loser, that's exactly how you will continue to see yourself. You are none of those things.

Seesaw

[hvert]

Originally Posted by golden_eve

Thank you! No, I have not desperately wanted to work at any place yet... not really!

That's good! Maybe it wasn't a mutual match - and no need to feel too bad about not getting an offer because you didn't really want to be there anyway, right?

Originally Posted by seesaw

I have found that I am in a pickle in my career where I have too much experience for a lot of positions, yet not quite enough to make the jump up to executive management. I'm stuck in senior management land until I find just the right fit...but my solution, which I think it going to help me make the jump, was to employ myself. I know that's not necessarily possible for everyone.

I think you may be in a similar situation though - where you are great at what you do, you do have a great resume, you probably interview well too, but maybe you are stuck in Goldilocks land where you're overqualified for many jobs but not quite experienced enough to jump up yet. A career counselor may be able to help you figure out either how to make that jump or how to reposition yourself.

It doesn't mean you are a failure or a loser. You're just at a point in your career where you start have to making some decisions. We only have to do that a few times in our entire career anyway, and with no clear choice in front of you, no wonder it feels so frustrating and difficult.

Regardless of what I'm going through right now with the struggle for finances, to bring in enough work (I'm moving ahead without a line of credit or a business loan at this point, and when I get kicked off of SSDI after reporting my earnings, if I don't hustle, I'm going to be in trouble), I keep reminding myself to have faith in myself. I've created this plan, the plan can work, and I just have to have faith in myself and my abilities.

I feel like you have lost faith in yourself and your abilities because of what one new manager said. When my new supervisor took over at my last job, she ended up letting me go pretty quickly, without getting to know me or my work abilities at all. (Granted, there were a whole host of problems with her.) I let that destroy me for nearly 6 months. Until I started to realize all the employers who had been happy with my work, all the clients who gave me stellar reviews, and all the people in my life who have told me how great I am to work with and how good I am at my job.

Make a list of all the times you've been praised, promoted, patted on the back, whatever, all your achievements. I think you will find it's a lot more than this one experience that you're going through right now. Have faith in yourself.

If you keep calling yourself a failure and a loser, that's exactly how you will continue to see yourself. You are none of those things.

Seesaw

TY, Seesaw!

Yes, I may be stuck in the position you describe. But even so, I am not getting offered the jobs that are at my level because I am failing personality and skills tests. I think I am just no good at these tests, no matter what I know.

I have been praised and loved before in my jobs, this is true. I do need to remind myself of this.

I still feel like a failure. Being demoted in my job has made me lose confidence.

I did have a good interview today though. I have one more tomorrow with the same company. Maybe this time I will make it through... maybe.

Originally Posted by hvert

That's good! Maybe it wasn't a mutual match - and no need to feel too bad about not getting an offer because you didn't really want to be there anyway, right?

Very very true! If I had been desperately wanting one of these jobs, the disappointment would be that much greater.

[TishaBuv]

Hey, at least you completed your degree. I barely finished high school, somehow got into college, then even left that. I am a failure. But.....

I married a man who supports me. (Even though I am so completely miserable and we make each other’s life a living hell)

I was hoping that would be inspirational...ha! Sorry.

But you get my gist?

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

Hey, at least you completed your degree. I barely finished high school, somehow got into college, then even left that. I am a failure. But.....

I married a man who supports me. (Even though I am so completely miserable and we make each other’s life a living hell)

I was hoping that would be inspirational...ha! Sorry.

But you get my gist?

Yeah, I do get your gist! I know I should count my blessings. I just see all negatives right now.. probably depression coloring my perspective!!! I need to see the positives more..... I see my therapist tonight, thank god!

[bpforever1]

You're not a failure because of your job status. Who cares if you have a job or not? Who is to judge? I think you are judging yourself by other people's standards, namely standards about what society expects. I could care less what people think as long as I am satisfied with myself. I just turned down an offer to work with an owner to build his business. The job was supposed to be about teaching in a school, not building someone else's business. I don't care if he is offering me more money because it was never in my agenda to be an events planner or a business developer. So, I am back to square one. I have only part-time jobs which are not much and don't earn much money. But, I am happy because I am doing what I want. Life is too short to waste on jobs that which you don't want to do unless you have to do them. I have a choice still because I have enough money still to do what I want. I could care less what others think. I may be an exception to others here. My happiness is not dependent on whether or not I have a job or having a man in my life. Finding happiness within is very important. Without it, a sense of despair or dissatisfaction is always there. I am free to do what I want. I am stable enough to be independent. I am healthy enough to not have any physical problems yet. I hope you find it within yourself to find peace and happiness despite your surroundings. It is all in the mind and spirit.

Originally Posted by bpforever1

You're not a failure because of your job status. Who cares if you have a job or not? Who is to judge? I think you are judging yourself by other people's standards, namely standards about what society expects. I could care less what people think as long as I am satisfied with myself. I just turned down an offer to work with an owner to build his business. The job was supposed to be about teaching in a school, not building someone else's business. I don't care if he is offering me more money because it was never in my agenda to be an events planner or a business developer. So, I am back to square one. I have only part-time jobs which are not much and don't earn much money. But, I am happy because I am doing what I want. Life is too short to waste on jobs that which you don't want to do unless you have to do them. I have a choice still because I have enough money still to do what I want. I could care less what others think. I may be an exception to others here. My happiness is not dependent on whether or not I have a job or having a man in my life. Finding happiness within is very important. Without it, a sense of despair or dissatisfaction is always there. I am free to do what I want. I am stable enough to be independent. I am healthy enough to not have any physical problems yet. I hope you find it within yourself to find peace and happiness despite your surroundings. It is all in the mind and spirit.

Thank you...

I agree with you about happiness coming from within and not being based on external things...

Thing is I NEED a job and I need benefits. I have meds and therapy... ideally I have a full-time job that offers me benefits and insurance that covers these things. I live in a very expensive city in the US, therefore, I need a certain amount of money to live. I cannot live with my parents forever, and I want to be independent again. As it is, I have to move out of my parents home, so I have to get work to survive and to afford rent and insurance, if I don't have it through a job.

I do not have the luxury to pick and choose right now. IF someone offers me a job, I must take it at this point. I have three more months until my unemployment benefits run out. Then what? I won't be able to afford where I am living anymore.

I am not judging myself based on others' standards. I am judging myself based on my own standards and by the fact that I keep getting rejections for work. I have been looking and interviewing for at least two years now... and nothing!

And now I've been demoted in my current job and I don't know why, so I feel like a failure.

How could I not feel like I've failed when this is the situation I face? Rejection after rejection and now a demotion? Plus, I've failed personality and skills tests?

I work so hard.... and I am getting nowhere. I wish I had the luxury to say no to a job I don't want, but right now, I do not.... the next thing that comes along, IF I get a job offer, I will have to say yes.

[bpforever1]

I understand now. I feel your pain. I hope the next job you get is something you want. I know that having a job that one does not like is also stressful. I do feel blessed with my situation. However, I owe it to my family for helping me and ensuring that I have no debt. I don't have any credit cards nor loans. This has helped me tremendously to have freedom financially. My mother told me not to spend money I don't have. This is the reason I don't have any credit cards. She told me to spend money that I have already or do without. She told me when she was first married my parents could not afford furniture. So, an insurance agent came by and asked,"Where is your furniture?" She replied,"We have none because we don't have any money." And, he left. So, sometimes it is better to do without than to keep up with everybody else, especially if you can't afford it. My parents are debt-free still and are still working. So, although my mother is insane at times, she knows how to spend money wisely. I also try not to spend money on clothes or unnecessary items. I just spend my money on eating out which is expensive too. I basically eat about once a day though. And, I am happy. I apologize for my preaching but hope that you are being wise with your money and not spending if you don't have any money.

[dovdov]

Originally Posted by golden_eve

I have two interviews today and tomorrow and I already feel I am not going to do well.

Being demoted in my job has effected my confidence greatly, and I still have no answers from HR as to why or what happened... if it was due to my performance or strategies.

I know I am going to fail these interviews and. not get a job offer. I might as well just throw in the towel now and accept that I am a big fat failure in my career.

It sounds like this job wasn't the right fit, especially with a poor manager. Yet you would have stayed and remained miserable if you hadn't been demoted. That's a sure way to live your days in misery. So try to look at this as a major opportunity. Freedom to refresh and do something you like more. Your history shows you're not a failure. Take 10 minutes twice a day and close your eyes and remember a time you did well, feel the emotion, fell as if you are doing well now in a new job, and that you will find a great job and that you are worth a great job. Imagine showing confidence in those interviews... Do this to re-program those bad thoughts you are having.

Originally Posted by bpforever1

I understand now. I feel your pain. I hope the next job you get is something you want. I know that having a job that one does not like is also stressful. I do feel blessed with my situation. However, I owe it to my family for helping me and ensuring that I have no debt. I don't have any credit cards nor loans. This has helped me tremendously to have freedom financially. My mother told me not to spend money I don't have. This is the reason I don't have any credit cards. She told me to spend money that I have already or do without. She told me when she was first married my parents could not afford furniture. So, an insurance agent came by and asked,"Where is your furniture?" She replied,"We have none because we don't have any money." And, he left. So, sometimes it is better to do without than to keep up with everybody else, especially if you can't afford it. My parents are debt-free still and are still working. So, although my mother is insane at times, she knows how to spend money wisely. I also try not to spend money on clothes or unnecessary items. I just spend my money on eating out which is expensive too. I basically eat about once a day though. And, I am happy. I apologize for my preaching but hope that you are being wise with your money and not spending if you don't have any money.

thank you... yes, I am fairly wise about my money.

[divine1966]

I completely disagree with statements “who cares if you have a job”, “life is too short to waste on jobs you don’t like etc”, “happiness comes from within regardless if you work”. This isn’t a reality

Sure ideally we all have jobs we love and we don’t have to take random jobs or we are all independently wealthy, but in reality it’s a luxury to be able to not work or not work full time. One needs to have a roof above their head, eat, buy meds when sick etc

One needs to be either independently wealthy and inherit large sums of money or rely on others to be able to survive not working full time (not talking about people on full disability unable to work). I think it’s very unfair to tell people “who cares if you have a job”.

Most adults would be on the street and starving if they didn’t work, work isn’t a luxury. Such surprising and strange sentiment.