I've failed... I feel like a failure...

I understand your message Divine. I did not mean to insult anyone but some people do not work and this is reality too. So, from your perspective all people who can work must work. Ok. Some people are housewives too and their work is not compensated and not valued by society either. So, in your opinion, job that pays is a necessity for all people? I don't think that not having a job means that you are indigent and/or starving. It just means one has different means of support. Please calm down, no offense.

No, job isn’t a necessity for all people. But this is not a thread about general discussion of how and why some people work and who can afford not to work. Yes there are housewives etc But you aren’t responding on housewives’ threads. This thread isn’t aboit housewives. You are responding about specific situation

Golden has to move out of her parents house. Golden eve really needs a job right now and needs support in finding one, hence people make suggestions how to get one. It’s counterproductive to tell her that she shouldn’t worry about it. I am calm. I am fortunate enough to have a job I love, but if I was desperate for a job, I’d be upset if I was told “who cares if I have a job”. Also some people are fortunate not to have debt but if for example you lost a job, had no insurance and had to have a surgery, you’d have a debt.

I appreciate that you don’t have to work or dont have to go into debt but it doesn’t apply to golden. She DOES need to get a job.

ok,ok,ok. Yes, she needs a job, I understand. My suggestion is to not judge oneself by one's job. Yes, she needs a job. Yes, may be any job will do. However, I am hoping she can find something she likes. If she wanted to just work, I'm sure she can find a job. However, she is being choosy, and I don't blame her for being choosy. I do need to work too but have lowered my standards of living to have more freedom in choosing which jobs I want to do. Yes, having a job is important but it should not be the end all and be all of one's existence. She may one day have the job she wants. I am wishing this for her! But, to say that jobs make one's existence and determine how you feel is not helpful either. Yes, she needs to eat and needs to work. May be she may take a job she does not want to do so. I would not judge her as being any less if she had the job she wanted. She should not judge herself by the job she has and others should not either. So, my point is not that she should not have a job or have a job but rather about judging oneself by the job she has. So, may be you are right in encouraging Golden Eve to take any job, but this is her life and her business. She has the right to choose her job that comes her way and we should not tell her that she will be better off emotionally or mentally because she has a job, but tell her that it may help pay the bills and put food on the table. You are misconstruing my message and my point. I fully encourage her to do what she wants but to tell her she will be happier with any job is not helpful either.

No one has told her to just take any job right now. Golden_Eve herself has said that at this point she will take any job she is offered. I do not think you understand the situation.

Eve is being forced to move out. She has only part-time work, and that has been cut back on hours. She desperately needs a new job, either an additional part-time job or a full-time job to support herself, as no one else will. On top of that, she is frustrated because she has been searching for full-time work for 2 years, and not been successful finding a new job yet.

She is in the hot seat because she needs a job to support herself. Right now any job will do because it's just about making ends meet. She can continue looking for the "dream" job once she is in a safe place financially and things have been stabilized.

Sometimes people don't have the choice of waiting for a job they like or want, they have to take the job that's offered, or they'll end up homeless and starving.

Seesaw

hmmm, well, I'm sure her mother is saying the same thing too. Thank you for the clarification. You see, I feel for Golden Eve. I feel her pain. Yes, I have to admit I'm spoiled and may be can't understand the reasons why people take any job. I used to be homeless and was a stripper for awhile. I know the need for working and paying the bills. However, it does not define me. So, yes, we should encourage her to take any job, but if this is the case she should look outside her field and just take anything that pays the bills. I am hoping she can find something she wants one day. But, may be reality is inevitable and she must take any job to survive. Even if she does a job she does not want, I would not judge her as being any less. I hope she can feel the same way about herself too. I did not mean to sound idealistic but hope she finds a job and inner peace as well.

Her situation is an emergency and she needs to take drastic measures to survive. I understand finally. Like I said, I have been there and done that but am a bit spoiled now. I am taking my time and luxury to choose the best job for me. I admit I am not starving nor homeless now. But, if she is in such a precarious situation, don't listen to my advice but listen to your mother's and your own. I just don't like it when people mean well and it does not end well. Best wishes, Golden Eve!!

No one here is judging her for having to take any job. And the things I said to you, were only repeats of what Golden Eve herself has said. Those were not my statements or judgments but hers.

The only person judging Golden Eve is herself. And I agree with you completely, that her worth is not defined by her job. But the reality is she does need a job to survive right now.

Why are you bringing concept of “judging” to this topic. I am yet to see anyone judging golden because of a job or anyone else. Yet you keep bringing it up. Why? You are the only one bringing “judgement of having or not having a job” into this thread.

You also keep talking about how this or that would make her “happier” or not. I think you are either misunderstanding the whole tread or didn’t really read it. She isn’t looking for job to be happy. She is looking for it so she can pay rent to a landlord, and have health insurance to her her meds. This is basic common sense. I am unsure why you have such hard time with this concept.

Who pays your rent? Many people NEED to take a full time job to pay rent or mortgage or they’ll be on the street. Are you very young and aren’t familiar with how things work?

It is true I am judging myself by thinking I am a failure. It is true that I have to take any job, the next job offer that comes... I wish I had the luxury to pick and choose, but I do not.

I have three months until my unemployment runs out. That's when things will be a true emergency, if not in two months time. It is a bit dire, even now. Three months is not long.

I am looking outside my field and am applying for anything for which I seem qualified, but I have to move first, so I cannot take just any job outside the home (like let's say a retail job) until I've moved. That wouldn't make sense until I've moved.

Back to self judging.... my identity does not reside with my work -- no. I just look at what's happened over the last two years, and it makes me feel like a failure.

That being said, I did very well in two final interviews this week. I felt more on top of my game, despite a few fumbles. This helped me to feel like I DO have knowledge that perhaps I haven't even shared in interviews -- I felt for the first time in a while that sweet taste of success... though if this is going to be another rejection, my self esteem will take another big hit. I cannot take another rejection..... it has been too many, for too long. Two years of rejections.

I pray that I hear good news. It's another part-time contract job that pays well and which would help me to be independent again. My parents said they would help me financially to afford the apartment if I don't have another job by the time I move, but I really don't want that, and I know they don't either.

This is taking all of my strength... I should listen to my own signature message.... you never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice.

Thank you, everyone, for your support, your understanding and your help....

I will keep posting about this, as things unfold....

Maybe it was due to someone else's deficiencies...

I don't think that's it. I still have no answers on that from HR. HR is not back in the office until Feb 5th, unfortunately.

I am sensing from our new Marketing Director that I am needing to prove myself and my worth. He keeps saying things like "I want to see what you can do."

Could it be due to their inability to handle the situation? Must it always be you?

But maybe failure in one situation is required to go on to a better one? After all, if someone thinks they are doing fine, why try to change? Maybe there really is something better for you?

Well, the Marketing Director had me explain some things about strategy to the team and to him separately, and the next day, I received news that most my job is going to an outside consultant. How can I not think that somehow I did not do a good enough of a job around strategy? The consultant is now handling overall strategy and I am now handling a lower level project.

That is one possible conclusion. It is not the only one.

But, suppose you could have done a better job. Is demoting you an effective way of handling the situation? Could it have been handled in a way that would better promote the success of the organization?

I understand your frustration. In 2012 I lost a long-term freelance job. I was working with the company's US office. They decided to put an office where I lived. I interviewed for an office position (basically re-interviewing for my job) but didn't get it. I had the feeling that they were going to offer lower salaries than what I was earning.

I bounced around doing different freelance work for a while. In 2015 I took another job where I was treated as a freelancer, although it took up most of my time. That was a disaster - low pay, abusive boss, no clear definition of my responsibilities, etc. I stuck it out for a year and a half and then quit. I was unemployed again for about 6 months until I started freelancing for a company. They offered me a full-time, permanent position that is a good use for my skills after about three months.I’ve been at the job for about a year. There have been some bumps, like the ill-advised efficiency expert, but it’s been generally positive.

I hope that didn’t get too long, but I kind of wanted to show you that you’re not alone.

It was a rough time, my self esteem was shot and I thought I might never get a stable job again. As hard as it was sometimes, I had to make myself persevere, applying and interviewing and taking on opportunities to make money - I did some English classes, store audits, mystery shopping, whatever. And, in the end I did find a better situation.

I think you will too. I agree with those that said don’t generalize, just because your former job didn’t work out, it doesn’t mean there is nothing out there for you. You mentioned broadening your job search, and I think that’s a good idea. For example, for me most of my jobs have been related to research and writing, but I’ve done that in a variety of areas from market research to international trade and others. A lot of skills can be transferable, which is what I have tried to stress when interviewing. Also, if you are not that confident in your interviewing skills, maybe you can look into resources to help you with that.I wish you all the best!

Okay, here is something you haven't considered, and it's quite possible. You had a new Marketing Director come in. After learning what you do, they outsourced it. When my new supervisor came in, she learned (well she didn't really but she said she did) what I did, then fired me and hired a friend of hers to do my job, which didn't work out because they left within two weeks. It is quite possible that she is reorganizing and phasing old staff out to bring in her friends and people she likes to work with. That happens ALL THE TIME when new directors come in.

Maybe she has worked with this consultant in the past and wants to surround herself with people she knows and likes. Maybe it has nothing to do with you except that you aren't one of her buddies.

I have to say that's what it honestly sounds like to me. She wants to restructure things so that they suit her, and in the end, that puts you out. It has nothing to do with your abilities, but rather what she wants.

Seesaw

The decision to bring in the outside consultant was probably made before you explained the strategy. It takes a while to hire consultants. Asking you to explain the strategy was a fake test set up by that marketing director with his belief that you *would* fail. It was an unfair test if you were not informed that you were competing for your own job.

+1 to seesaw's theory that the new marketing director is looking to bring in friends. I worked for a small company where we hired ONE person from a certain company. Within a year, HALF the employees were from that company and most of the old school was out. They would work on people one by one, choosing a scapegoat, getting rid, then moving on to the next victim. They did it to me and it really does make you feel awful to get fired or to have them hire some jerk to do the job you were supposed to be doing.

I hope you hear good news about one of those interviews!

Thank you all.....

It could have been a test, as you're saying, hvert, and as Seesaw points out, they could be bringing in people they know.

Thing is, I had to disagree with the marketing director on a specific theory he proposed.... I told him that I had never heard of it before in all my seven years of experience plus studies. Perhaps he wanted to go with the consultant who agreed with him?

I wish I could hear back from HR on this, but it's going to be a while.

Rechu, thank you for your personal story.... I have felt very alone with this, so it's nice to know I am not alone.

With interviews, I think I need to pause and think more before speaking. Sometimes I just say whatever comes to mind and it's not always the best answer.

My husband went through something like that. He had a boss that made his life such a hell that he had to go on stress leave and then was transferred to another office. When he left, his ex-boss replaced him with a friend of hers.

My boss did the same to me -- she bullied me to the point where I had to take four and a half months off.

I have GREAT news! I am getting a job offer!!!!!!!!

After all the blood, sweat and tears, I have finally succeeded!!!!! It's only part time (20 hours/week) and a contract role, but I have to take whatever I can get!!!! So between the two jobs I will be working 40 hours!

Now I just pray that my current boss does not lay me off.

Try to not overwork yourself, ok?

I won't!

Congratulations! Enjoy the moment!!

Thanks so much!!! I will indeed enjoy this moment -- I am celebrating!!!

Awesome news!!!! Congrats!!!!