Controversial Topic: Going to HR About Your Bully Boss

Still in your corner, and hoping you hear something soon...

Its not easy, but like our president you have to stand up to the bully.
Do your best, say the least, and let HR do their job.
Just a thought, put your phone on record? May be illegal, but it would prove your point.

Thanks so much dear friend!!

Thanks so much for your reply and for your support!! I may have to record conversations!

It's Friday. Last Friday when I spoke with HR they said they could be wrapping up the investigation today. I have been on pins and needles all week and worked from home all week too. My boss in our 1:1 meeting yesterday behaved as though nothing were happening. She acted like she likes me and even said, "ok goodbye my friend" as we hung up. I think my boss is diabolical. She is so two faced. She can look me in the eye and be stabbing me in the back at the same time.

And yesterday, another senior colleague, who I think is friends with my boss, stepped on my toes and sidestepped the authority of my position. I gave my opinion and conclusion about a question she had, but she went around me to ask our external agency partner for their opinion, despite me having given mine. It was a clear dismissal of my stated conclusion and opinion. I felt it and it hurt. What a biatch. This same woman gave me a poor written peer review last year, based on one single mistake I had made during the entire year. She smeared me and made it seem like the mistake was repetitive, when it was not.

I am beginning to believe there are many more toxic people at work than I was initially aware of. Of course, there has to be given it's a large corporation.

Maybe I should think about looking for another job soon. I don't know! I was happy to have finally found stability in my career and life. My career was unstable for the last 7 years. It's been two years with this company. Ideally, I would work there at least 3 years for longevity on my resume. I need the longevity due to brief prior jobs where I stayed only one year.

And it's eating me up what happened yesterday with the more senior colleague going around me and stepping on my toes!

I am freaking PISSED.

HR is out of the office today - of course. So this has to hang over me all weekend.

Now it is what it is.
We will assume its done.
Try and not worry or ruin your weekend.
If it was a waste, them probably start looking for something else.
If people dont appreciate you dont hang around.
Dont burn any bridges, just do your best!

That is a bummer indeed, @Have Hope...

Hang in there...

Maybe Monday will bring good news!

Thanks so much @Pflowers!! Yes, hopefully!!!

So, another more senior colleague disparaged me on Friday, and I think in retaliation to my report about my boss to HR because she is friends with my boss.

She stepped on my toes big time on Friday, and bipassed me and my authority in my role by directing questions to our agency partner vs to me, which is the appropriate route.

I wrote a very diplomatic, professional, and polished separate email telling her that I will continue to lead the strategy and decisions, and the agency partner will support. I told her I will inform her when anything is of high priority. I set the record straight, and I basically told her to stay in her lane. She did not respond, even though I offered further collaboration to strengthen our partnership or process. Her lack of reply shows utter disregard and disrespect towards me and the position I hold.

So now I have not just ONE, but TWO biatchy women I am dealing with, who are both senior to me and who are both highly toxic.

I knew something was wrong with her when I received her awful peer review. I just knew it. She threw me under the bus over a year ago in my annnual review. But now, she's refusing to even acknowledge my position and authority as the in-house expert, while our agency is hired to support me. Instead, she went to the agency for their expertise.

I am seriously FLOORED by how absolutely horrid people's behavior can be!

I am really taken aback.... !!! I am being ganged up on.... I will NOT let their toxicity effect my confidence!

My company has a STRICT "no retaliation" policy when an employee reports bad behavior to HR, including anyone I interact with. No one is allowed to retaliate in response to my report regarding my boss bullying me.

I think I will report this woman's behavior as potentially retaliatory, because she is friends with my boss and since her behavior is drastically different than how she has recently been interacting with me... at least since she threw me under the bus that one time a year ago.

OYE!

Because of this latest incident with this other senior colleague, I was shell shocked all day yesterday. I have been feeling that way a lot lately. I think it's part of my PTSD reaction. Yesterday I was in a daze all day and night. I couldn't snap out of it, even though I was out with friends. I am dumbfounded. I feel numb.. and discouraged.

PTSD is ugly to us that way, @Having Hope...

It's good that you're talking about it...

When I find I'm triggered like that, I make sure to be extra patient, gentle and kind with myself.

I'm still in your corner...

Also still hoping that you get some good news when you return to work tomorrow!

Thanks, darling!!

I’m going to report this other woman to HR on Monday for retaliatory and blatant disregard and professional devaluing. It’s not ok and needs to be reported.

PTSD is just AWFUL. A friend who is a therapist told me that when I blank out in the face of disrespect that it’s a trauma response.

How am I to heal if my PTSD keeps getting triggered?? my ex husband badly abused me, then a year post divorce moved only three streets away from me in my neighborhood. After I first learned of it, I had crazy PTSD reactions just driving around my town, always afraid to see him or run into him at a store while running errands. That lasted for six months until I was finally able to manage the anxiety and symptoms. Then a year later, he moved to another part of town and I felt enormous relief and freedom.

But now this arose and the PTSD is back!! I’ve been on a healing path since my divorce two years ago, but the abuse and bullying has continued with different perpetrators, ie my boss and now this other colleague.

How am I to heal if this keeps happening?? And WHY does this keep happening?? I cannot seen to escape it. Abuse has plagued me most of my adult life! This is the fourth or fifth time I’ve been bullied at work by a supervisor.

I don’t understand it. It’s beyond maddening and infuriating. I’m angry. It’s not ok. It’s not fair. I’m hard working, respectful, honest, and ethical. And this is what I get in life for being a decent hard working person? No matter where I go, I get bullied and abused.

I can’t deal anymore. I want off this planet. I want a different life. But how????

About being patient and kind with myself.. I’m trying. But I’m angry, sad, and frustrated. Fed up is more like it. I really can’t take anymore crap from people. I try to steer clear of toxic types, but they keep crossing in my direct path. If there’s a lesson here I am missing, I’m definitely missing the point. I feel cursed. Like my life has been cursed. Too much bad crap has happened over the years. It all takes a big toll. I’m weary. I’m exasperated. Impatient for it to end. Sad it hasn’t. I don’t get it. Why?

That is a completely normal way to feel!
Just keep it under control, and not eat you up.
You did the right thing thats what matters!
Face it lots of people suck. Just dont get that way.
Hope everything can be corrected for you. at least some of it. The world sure isnt perfect, but neither am I.

Sorry this is late @Having Hope...

I tried to respond yesterday, but our internet wasn't being cooperative.

I don't think PTSD ever completely goes away...

But it does get better with time.

At least that's been my experience during my healing journey.

It is frustrating as heck though to be doing so good, then suddenly finding oneself triggered and in a complete state of disarray all over again.

I have found, though, that as time has passed, those triggers and episodes are farther and fewer between.

It may not seem so at the time, but each time you're triggered, and each time you successfully navigate your way through it, you've healed a little bit more.

Thanks, friend.

Although it's very hard not to let this eat me up. I have been the brunt of bullying behavior from superiors many times at work. And I am really really really sick of this repetitive pattern!!

I am beside myself with grief and upset.

That's encouraging to hear!!!

I especially love this:

"It may not seem so at the time, but each time you're triggered, and each time you successfully navigate your way through it, you've healed a little bit more."

Thank you, friend. I feel strengthened by your words and post. Your support has been invaluable through this experience - so THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart.

You're welcome @Having Hope, and it does my heart good to know it's helped...

I know it feels like you'll be walking into the lion's den today, so...

I'm sending extra good thoughts and vibes your way!

Thank you, dearest @Pflowers! You are the best!!!! I deeply appreciate your support, caring, and cheerleading. It helps SO MUCH. It will help carry me through the day today. Thank you, sweetie.

Probably a good time for change.
It has happened to often to you.
Start to focus on change, so then what every they do, you know you have a plan that they are unaware of.
It could be next week, next month, take your time. It will be for your best overall mental health.

Thank you, friend. I really don't know what that change would be.

Any news from HR today, @Having Hope...

I know you'll be relieved to know something one way or the other!

It's being left hanging in suspense that's the worst part...

No news yet. Thank you for checking up on me!!! It SUCKS to wait and see what HR decides, and what comes of HR's investigation into my allegation of bullying and retaliation by 2 different colleagues.