maybe I wasn't ready for Florida...

So I went to Florida for the first time ever last week for vacation... I'm a member of a site based out of Florida and my friends on the site had a get together for me. I messed up and drank 3 tequila sunrises, 3 voodoo juices (which is a drink with 5 different rums and juice), had jello shots and drank a couple beers. Needless to say, I was smashed.

I didn't do anything stupid while drunk as far as I know, but I did wake up with a MAJOR hangover and puking all over the place for hours. I think I learned my lesson.

So sorry to hear that you had a slip. Thank goodness you didn't do anything stupid though, and that you're ok (aside from the hangover and puking). I'm glad you learned a lesson from this experience! It is good when we can take something away from an experience to help us make choices in the future. Kudos for coming and "outing" yourself. =)

Rayna

Hey Bama,

Just a couple of *my* thoughts:
1) When I first got sober I could not be around people who were drinking--it was waaay too tempting to me. I did not attend parties or hang out in bars to be with my friends etc. There was NO point in it unless I wanted to get drunk. At this point in my sobriety I can attend parties etc if I choose to do so. Sometimes I go; sometimes I don't.

2) I agree with the comment that it was good to "out" yourself here. I hope you did the same with your sponsor AND your homegroup.

3) Take a good, hard look at the first step. Do you truly feel that you are powerless over alcohol? Is your life unmanageable? You are the only person that knows how you really feel. Be honest with yourself - IMO you must be clear about this before you even try to tackle step 2.

Good luck!! Anyone can get sober--willingness is the key...

I totally agree that it is good of you for getting this off of your chest. Keeping it inside will only make things worse. I know I have had slips in the past also. I was told, even though it took it awhile to sink in, in order not to have a slip, dont go where it is slippery. I took their advice and stayed away from people, places, and things that may trigger a slip. Now, in my sobriety, I am able to be around others but I also know when enough is enough and to get out for my own saftey. We learn from the mistakes we make in life. WOW, I must be a rocket scientist by now, LOL. Just get back on track and do what you know what you need to do. What happened is in the past now and no need to dwell on it but just learn from it. Alot of us have been in your same shoes at one time or another. Hoping you the best.

Allan

Good stuff here…
When Rayna said kudos for outing yourself, she’s on to something. It is the secrets we keep that rot us from the inside out. Good for you.
Kismet asked the most interesting question. Are you one of us, or do you believe you can get away with a few drinks? Bama, I have seen people who went out and could not or would not come back. There is no guarantee that we can simply pick back up where we left off. We don’t always get a “do over”.
The book says that going out and tying a little controlled drinking might be a good idea if it clears up any misconceptions about who and what we are. I don’t tell men to try that, sometimes real bad things happen when they take another run at their drinking.
Thank God you are back.
Stop screwing around with that gift. You have so much more in store for you than a barf laced hangover.

On the road to the good stuff,
Richard S.

Thanks all for the wise advice and sharing a part of your story. Yes, I did tell my sponser and told my whole group. They told me to not be disappointed in myself, but think of it as a new lesson in the life of sobriety.

You're right, for a split second, I thought I could control my drinking... But many liqoured drinks later, I realize I can't. From what I understand, I didn't do anything out of the way or stupid as I used to but I was falling all over the place and needed help getting around. So that tells me I can not have control my drinking, that it controls me.

In a way, that upsets me but then again I know it's a blessing. I'm only 18 and to think I can never go to a party and drink or hang out with friends and just casually have a few beers makes me feel like an outsider, which I've always been anyway. But then I find it a blessing because I won't ever have to risk that chance again of driving drunk, having someone take complete care of me because I'm so drunk I can't do it myself, or waking up in places I am not fimilar with.

I lost my NA book and the group I go to doesn't have them. The nearest NA meeting to me is almost an hours drive and my car isn't in good shape right now. I feel naked without my NA book.

Bama, quitting drinking is a lot like being presented with a fatal illness.
We always seem to do the same five things.

#1 Denial
It can't be true. I won't have it be true. I refuse to believe it's true.

#2 Anger
Why me, what did I do to deserve this?

#3 bargaining
Lets make a deal. I can figure out how to control it, I know I can.

#4 depression
This really is the elephants graveyard. I guess I'll spend the rest of my life in those boring meetings. Crap!

#5 Acceptance
OK God, I quit fighting. I can't fix any part of it. Please have it all.

Then and only then are we on the road to the good stuff,
Richard S.

I've already went through ALL of these stages, even Acceptance. I guess that last drink got my mind churning again and it's time to start over. I'll get there, just gonna take time to get to that place of knowing without a doubt I can do it. I try thinking just one day at a time, but sometimes it's hard.

you will make friends with people, who share your goals...mainly sobriety. and you will look back on this and wonder what you saw in the partying, etc....xoxo pat

I know when I started my sobriety one day at a time seemed like a lifetime to me. It was so very hard at first. Then, a really close friend of mine who was sober told me to try it one hour at a time and if that does not work, tell yourself just for this minute I will not drink. After time it does get a little easier but you still have to work on it every day. Try the hour at a time and see if maybe that will be easier for you to accept and accomplish. When that hour is done, say it for another hour and by the time you are done you will have a day in.

Allan

Thanks Allan. I'll try that. I'm just a little bummed because I've been in treatment since like, September of 2004. I should be stronger by now, ya know? I should be wiser as far as my sobriety is concerned. Just don't understand.

fayerody, you're right... I need friends who have the same goal in mind, reaching sobriety. I just get so lonely sometimes that I go hang out with one or two of my old friends who still drink sometimes. I made the mistake of going to Florida to see one of them. I should have known better, but I truely thought I'd be ok.

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I think I learned my lesson.


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I think that kind of thinking will make you believe you can handle drink in the future. Alcohol, or any drug, used recreationally isn't needed for self esteem. It's an addiction, as you well know. AA is just as good, or maybe better than, NA... sounds to me like you are using the lost NA book as an excuse.

Do what you know you need to do... I think telling your friends (even the ones in FL) that you can't drink would be a good start.

Take care.

An addict is an addict is what I've learned, and my meth addiction was far worse than my alcohol addiction ever was... So yeah, I need my NA and I'm not using it as an excuse. I'm very quick to admit my wrongs and when I need to do something or change something. It's not that... It's the fact that everytime I'd start feeling down or like I wanted to use, I'd turn to my NA book for a reminder of why I need sobriety in the first place.

gotcha... good that you realize this. Can you contact the NA on the net and get another workbook? Is there one you can check out at a library by any chance?

Right, addiction is addiction. I would find it amusing if it wasn't so tragic, how some ppl caught up in their own addiction can cast stones at someone with a "classic" addiction. That the brain responds in exactly the same way... whether it's shopping addiction or chocolate or whatever... it is encouraging because perhaps now they can find one solution for all addictions, also?

Oh I so know that feeling of, "oh my God, I'll never have a beer again...." I struggle with that daily. But the memory of the "last drunk" comes back and haunts me and that helps a lot. I felt a lot like an outsider too. I left my friends a long time ago, even before my drinking got really bad. But since being sober, the friends I thought were real aren't anymore, and that was killing me. Tried going to karaoke and stayed for a whopping 10 minutes and that killed me! But last night, I went for coffee with 3 girls from AA, and we had SO MUCH FUN! We understand each other! I'm haning out with one of them tomorrow night. I feel like these girls are my good friends now, and I've only known them a few weeks! Start reaching out to girls in the program. These girls and I are of varying ages, of which I'm the youngest! (just realized that), but we're really close to our lengths of sobriety. I think I'm the newest, with 40 days, and then it goes up to 90 days. I know I can count on them for anything and call them any time, and that realization has been a huge help. I love my sponser too, she's awesome! Anyway...I could ramble on and on and on about the great things that have happened to me in sobriety. I would like to thank you also, because it was good for me to be reminded of 'what's out there' as the oldtimers say. It took awhile for me to see why they kept saying the newcomers are important, but now I see it. Just keep in mind that by you sharing your story, you have helped us as well, and that's what this fellowship is all about!!!

Glad to know you bama. And that's awesome you have been given this gift so early. I'm thankful I hit bottom at 26. So I'm sorta close in age, hehe. Feel free to PM anytime!!!

Truly greatful for another day in paradise,
Rayna

sky, I've tried searching the web for a new NA book but they want money and I don't have any sort of credit card or money account online. They aren't expensive, just don't have an online account to get it, which sucks.

Raynaadi, I'm glad you've found good friends in AA. I have a couple friends in my group, but we don't really hang out afterwards. Thank you for sharing... It's encouraging.

bama... rats. If you have the money, can't paypal utilize checks and money orders? I'm not familiar with that sort of thing, but I'm guessing others here are.

What about your local library? They should be online too, btw.

Maybe someone in your NA group could email you a paragraph or two each day until you find a book?

are there any stores in your area with aa/na literature? we've got a few stores here dedicated to that kind of stuff. or maybe try calling your local chapter, i'm sure they might donate one!

Sky, I can do a paypal account, but every site I've looked at so far only does credit cards. So that's different than paypal check account. Our local library is a little 'hickish', I guess you could say... They have mostly childrens books, mysteries, and christian books. They don't do NA/AA/12 Step based text. I've tried there. I am a member of a site that sends me a 12 step message with a meaning behind it each day, but it's not the whole book, ya know?

Raynaadi, I live in a VERY small town. We have one book store and it' a christian book store that you'd think would sell that kind of literature, but they don't. I could go by there and see if they could order it though, huh? Hmm, I'll try that.

which book is it? maybe i can find it and mail to you?

The regular edition of the NA book... Blue cover. I know they have several editions out of NA, but this is the regular Big Book.

I went by the christian book shop and asked the lady if she could order it and she said no. *rolls eyes* How hard is it to order a book for someone? Sheesh. I don't understand some people.

Hmmm...I will try to get to the serenity stores in town and see if I can find it. I think there's two here, one has wierd hours but I think they're open late on Friday nights, so I an definetly look. The owner seems pretty cool, so I think she's definetly get it if she doesn't have it! It may take some time, but let me look for it, and remind me if I don't say anything about it, I'm a scatter brain!!!! Hehehee

Thank you sooo much, that'd be awesome! Once you find out, just let me know the price of it and everything and I'll PM you or vise versa and I'll send you the money for it. Miss my NA book like crazy!

You're welcome! I'll try to go Friday and look for it. My friend works there too, so if I can't make it, I'll ask her to look.

Very awesome! Can't thank you enough!