Feelings of shame and guilt

I have overwhelming feelings of shame and guilt, I just can't let the past go. I have been, for the better part of my life, a very responsible person. Back before I was diagnosed Bi-Polar, I had some issues with drinking and driving. I realize now that when I experienced manic periods, I would hit the bars seeking one night stands. In order for me to sustain the courage to converse with a women, I had to fill up with alcohol. I then threw all judgment and self control out the window. I was arrested on 3 occasions between the years of 1994-2001 and I thank God I didn't injure or kill an innocent person. My last drink was on 01/31/2001. I was never physically addicted to alcohol and never drank in a consistent manner. I was a binge drinker, and I would go out once a month to "party". I am not shifting the blame solely on my condition, I am also partly to blame for my past legal issues. I am consumed with guilt for conducting myself in such an irresponsible manner, and ashamed of how I let a lot of people down. I am stuck and cannot move ahead. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

I understand how it feels to have overwhelming shame and guilt. I am bipolar also. I have made a few terrible decisions in my past during hypomanic periods and will regret some of them for the rest of my life. It is really hard to move on.

Are you seeing a T? My T and I have discussed the worst of my bad decisions and she has helped me to understand that when I made my decisions I was in a hypomania. She specifically used the word "sick". While I also don't believe that I can blame it all on that, I feel very strongly that I would not have made the same choices if I were in a stable state mentally. She helped me see that I have to forgive myself instead of beating myself up all the time. Instead I have learned from my mistakes and know with all my heart that I will never make those mistakes again. Now matter how "sick" I am.

It sounds like you have turned your life around. You realize the mistakes you made and why you made them. Now you have to forgive yourself for those mistakes. We are not defined by the mistakes we make, we are defined by who we are inside. You are good on the inside or you would not feel remorse for the things you did. And the people you let down should forgive you as well as they see that you aren't making those same mistakes again. 9 years without a drink is a great accomplishment. Good for you!

I hope this helps you in some way to feel better. I truly understand how you feel.

Congratulations on your over nine years of sobriety! I think you still are a very responsible person because of how you reacted to your issues, how you took control even through illness.

I don't think we can really be X unless we have experienced alternatives to it. You label yourself as having been a responsible person most of your life but how do you know? What were you considering responsible then and under what handicaps? It's not enough to have been raised a certain way and to declare that X as there is no "contrast" to that. What society or our parents consider "responsible" is not necessarily what we might know of responsible? You know responsible because you had to come out of irresponsible. You were tested in the Fire of Life and chose "responsible". Much different from a child or young adult doing what their parents taught/want to make their parents or society (getting a job) happy. Both are "responsible" things to do but, if I were in a difficult situation and needed to chose a responsible person to be on my team, I would choose you because you had been tested.

Nine years sober is great you should be so proud of that and so should your family and friends.

I know and understand feelings of guilt and shame, how they pull you apart and fill the cracks with self hatred. But it is the past, and the most important thing is that you have changed your future and the futures of those who might have been hurt if you hadn't changed things.

Allow yourself to look to the future and see the brightness there and realise that you have done something major something powerful that not everyone has had the courage to do, that is face the guilt and shame; stare it in the face and say "I changed things so you have no power over me any more".

You have the power and strength within you to change anything in your life, and you used it for the good of everyone; those who love you know that you were not in full control when you were drunk and that is not you now.

You are Mrhomercat! the one who quit drinking, quit drinking and driving, and saved lives! That is something to be so proud of and so happy with. I don't know you but I'm proud of you, because it could be one of my friends whose life you saved by changing things, so thank you...

Rhiannon

http://www.commonsensepsychology.com/forgiveness.php

Hi. I am very interested in your post as I've had similar behavior. I really need to sort it out. I feel the manic periods come on and I know I'm going to get myself in trouble. Alcohol is involved, I disappear and a crazy person comes out. I've never acted like this before.

My friend mentioned to me recently that he thought I may be bipolar. I'm definitely got anxiety/panic - I thought that attributed to the mania - maybe not. I'm not diagnosed with either but I will head to the bars alone until close and binge drink.

This is not at all my typical behavior, I'm a well educated professional, and its not always every week. But its happened often enough in the past 2 years that I'm sickened by it yet can't help myself. I'm wondering why we are acting like this and if its alcoholism or if its bipolar. Can you give me some insight?

lkc

So you've messed up from time to time...and you've a medical condition to boot...yes a medical condition that manifests itself emotionally and mentally.

The issue isn't whether you messed up last week, year, or even in the last decade, the issue is doing something about it so the messing up will be less or eliminated.

Since you are able to claim 9 years sobriety, I'd say you're doing a pretty good job of 'doing something about it'.

I know this is something AA and the other A's promote but it's still a good thing...Make amends.

What most people don't realize is that making amends isn't for the person you are apologizing to, it's for yourself. It helps you to let go of that feeling of worthlessness/ unworthiness...it helps you to move on and work on the present and future rather than staying stuck in the past.

The manic phase of bipolarism is kinda like being a 13 year old out to have a good time, with adult pursuits. Everything seems like a good idea and what the heck are consequences? After all, who's going to ground you when you're over the age of 18?

Basically it's that during those times your faculties are impaired. It's not that you want to make poor choices, it's that you don't have the ability to not make those choices. After all, it's all just a good time.

Make your amends, after all it's for you that you do so, and when you are forgiven by others, they too are doing so for themselves...not just for you.

Guilt is the emotion that does us the most harm, when it is allowed to grow after it's done it's job...

You can't change yesterday, and today is all you really can work with, tomorrow is just a dream.

(((((Mrhomercat))))) We are not born complete or perfect; making mistakes is how we learn about our limitations and what we want/need to change about ourselves in order to become the people we want to be and have the productive lives we desire. Shame and guilt are only beneficial if they motivate us to reach higher, but in order to reach higher and become more than we are at the moment, we must learn to forgive ourselves and leave the shame and guilt behind; take the lesson you've learned, and build on that.

If it makes it any easier for you to forgive yourself so you can move forward, I forgive you for the mistakes you've made in the past regardless of the reason you made them. Now, you have confessed, unburdened yourself; your guilt and shame are of no more use, so drop them in the rubbish and start anew. Your Friend lynn09