[JustBen]

I'm not a problem drinker myself, but I have a friend who is. Basically, his whole social life revolves around the bar, so when I want to hang out with him, that's where I go. That wasn't a problem in the "old days" but he's since gone into rehab and then fallen off the wagon again.

Here's my dilemna: He still hangs out at my "usual bar" (I go maybe twice a month). I don't know whether it's right to go there and hang out with him anymore. Technically, it's just that we're both at the same bar, but if I start hanging out with him there, I couldn't shake the feeling that I'm "drinking with him" and making his problems worse.

What do you think? Is this a reasonable concern?

[Junerain]

First of all, what a blessing you are to your friend to have the kind of care that values the ultimate good of your friend!!

I would call this friend and try to arrange an activity that you both enjoy that doesn't involove drinking. I would go with another friend of yours to your twice monthly hang out that way you will hang out with your other friend and not this person you don't wan to encourage. Keep us posted!!

[JustBen]

That's really good advice, and I wish I could take it. Unfortunately my friend isn't interested in doing much other than going to the bar. He's there every night. Which means, of course, that if I go, he will most probably be there.

Taking someone else to my hangout seems like a good idea, though, regardless of how things work out with the friend in question.

[shadowalker164]

Don’t worry about it Ben. You avoiding that bar won’t get him sober. Your going to that bar won’t get him drunk. If you enjoy his company, relax and enjoy yourself. It won’t make him drink any more or any less than he will.

Like you said, we alcoholics aren’t interested in activities that don’t involve drinking. He is the sole author of his drinking problem, not you. If you never set foot in that bar again, he would still be there.

Rehabs, good intentioned friends like yourself, lonely wives, children with tear stained faces, nothing gets us sober but a sincere desire to do so, and a solid plan to see that it happens.

Cruse into the bar, enjoy yourself and know that you didn’t break him and you can’t fix him either. It’s not in your hands.

Richard

[Raynaadi]

Richard said it all. If you didn't go, he probably wouldn't even notice. Don't put any guilt on yourself. It's only the alcoholic who keeps the alcoholic drunk. No one else.

~Rayna

Rehabs, good intentioned friends like yourself, lonely wives, children with tear stained faces, nothing gets us sober but a sincere desire to do so, and a solid plan to see that it happens.

Those are hard words to hear and swallow but are painfully true.

Petunia

[JustBen]

Thanks for your responses everyone. You really helped me get my head straight on this one.